You will be so relieved when this day is over. I actually think a lot of people break it off because of this anniversary. I know I did. I did not think about 9 but 10 hit me and I thought I cannot spend another year with this man like this. The sad thing is that I feel like wiping away the good memories with the bad. Is that terrible? Pony, I know you feel like crap having to take your dog to his hospital, of all places. I am sure your worst fear was also realized that he show no compassion. Inside of his core, please believe that he cares. He has just built up a huge wall. You can see past that or just get on with GALing again like you have been. He may have been closed off during the Retro weekend. He may come around but will you wait another year?
Last edited by mkultra; 09/07/0703:32 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Starting to wonder if I can wait another month, let alone another year. (((SIGH))))
Maybe this is what the LBS spouse starts to do, in defense, re-write their history too. Through IC I have been able to go back, to see that the things that he does that really damage me and our M have ALWAYS been there. The core problems did not just pop up a few years ago.
I have a great IC, actually is a pro-marriage counselor, but H quit going. Through her I have seen that I did not set boundaries on his bad behavior. I also fell fault to the fact that I thought "Oh, I can accept his emotional void, he'll grow and learn to love, he's just young and immature".
The lack of compassion has always been there. The inability to reach out, to care, to cherish is really part of his nature, even before we were married. Mistake on my part.Thinking things could change.
This is where I struggle. I can't live with someone so void, with someone who just leaves me out there in the wind. Who can't communicate their needs or fullfill mine.
I was dumb to think he might change and mature in time through the marriage. I am even dumber to think he could change if he came back. It just can't happen.
This is what gets me down. In my dreams, I think this separation really jolts us up, gets us to dig down and start doing the good work. We both work on ourselves, on our marriage, fill in the rough spots in both our lives and make ourselves the BEST PEOPLE WE CAN BE in this life. Find love, find compassion, really learn to open our hearts and LIVE.
That is my dream.
I know that is asking the impossible. Probably is impossible for H to do, a leopard can't change his spots. Heck, I can't even convince him to WANT to change/work on it.
SO, I try to look at it in that light. That his true nature makes him hard to love and sets him up to fail at this marriage, at ANY marriage. . . .
I'm also no longer chasing after him. I am not wasting one more minute of my time trying to PROVE to him that I am WORTHY of his love. That's just nuts. HE knows I love him. He knows that love is unconditional, he's said it himself. I can't do anymore there.
He chooses to turn away. I have to remember that.
Just trying to hang on through the weekend. September 8th is the "3 month" deadline. Bet I get an email/call this weekend for him to start pursuing me down about the dissolution/divorce.
