Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Now I've done it

OMG, my S2 just had a melt down and he kept repeating how he wanted his Daddy. I kept saying , "Daddy's at work." Which really should be, "Daddy's not here." My book says to say, "I am not sure where Daddy is, but I will let you know." OR-"You can ask Daddy that yourself." Kind of contrived. Sometimes I get too emotional to say anything. Even at two, they know.

I lost it.. again! Darn me! I confronted him re: OW again and of cousre got no where! Just did more damage. He called me, said he's spoken to a lawyer but hasn't filed. Wants to take care of himself and be able to see his kids. He's given up everythin. said I'm self absorbed. I have a bed and a place to live while he's living outb of his van. I told him that was his choice. He has a home that he chose to leave. He doesn't see it that way. Said he's not safe because I put him in jail for hitting me and his life could have been ruined if he had been convicted. Not willing to go to MC.

Now what?!?

Do I try to file first? He said he was talking to a lawyer. I asked if he wanted a divorce. Said he was thinking about it. Asked if that meant yes. Then he asked if I wanted one. Told him no, that when I spoke to a Lawyer it was just to cover my bases and find out what I was looking at re: child support.

I decided I better end the conversation before I pushed him anymore. Let him talk to the kids and told him to let me know if he wanted to see them.

OK everyone, let me have it. What do I do now?

My house is a royal mess. Why can't I seem to pull it together. I have a few good days them BAM! everything goes to s*&t!

I am proud of myself for fixing my car by myself yesterday. Went to the local pick a part and fixed the clutch on my car. H always did that stuff. Didn't even offer to help. It's ok, I did just fine w/out him.

Guess I just have to accept that I'm gonna have bad days and just concentrate on having more good than bad. I'm not going to stress too much about today. I'll just put myself right back on track and lay low. Let him make the next move.

However I could also play hard ball. I have a temp restraining order I can serve from when he hit me. I have a lawyer waiting for my ok. Would just rather have a little faith.

It sounds like you want to reconcile and save your marriage. Go from there. Let everything you do be about saving this marriage. Even if you fail and end up divorced you will know that you did your best to DB. Show restraint and remind yourself will this action or interaction lead to a positive outcome? If you do not want a divorce then do not faciltate it in any way. Yes, you can protect yourself but you can also stick it through. I cannot believe you have a five month old at home and are going through all of this while nursing. That is akin to a man leaving a wife on chemo. I know you are healthy and all, but having a new baby takes a lot of energy! You need to sleep all the time to nurse.

Thanks for the support, MK.

I think I'm getting the hang of this single mom thing.

The kids are in bed now. I should really clean up but don't really feel like it.

He just seems so angry at me. Sometimes I just want to curl up and disappear. If it weren't for the kids, I just might. I hate being in this house we called home with out him.

Uh oh, now you are sounding like a walk away wife. Be careful. Many have made the same mistakes we have made so let's use their wisdom to correct ourselves and begin again.

OK, today is a new day! Time to re-focus.

1. Don't call or e-mail. (Do sending pics of the kids count? Yes, no pics!) He'll have to call if he wants to see them.
2. If he calls, don't answer (haven't been able to do this yet, but today is a new day)
3. When we do talk or see each other, keep it short and sweet. Act pleasant and "As if". DON'T TALK ABOUT R or OW!!!!! That's a big NO NO NO ( a bit of toddler talk).
4. If I get angry or start thinking of OW, I will clean the house instead of calling, pursuing, or checking up on him. If I'm driving, which seems to be a bad time for thinking. I will turn the music on and sing loudly until I get it out of my system. If I do slip and check up on him, I will stop being stupid and stop confessing to him that I did it! But I'm not gonna slip. I'm not gonna slip.
5. I will not facilitate any further steps towards separation. He will have to do the work. Considering he still hasn't managed to open a new bank account after 2 weeks, I really can't see him filling out the divorce papers! I think he is bluffing b/c I was pressuring him. He's going to expect me to fall into old patterns and do it myself. Sorry, buddy, kiss my 180!
6. Print up this plan and read it over and over again. Tape it to my forehead or something. Well, maybe that's just a tad too overboard.

Have a great day everyone!

Stick it on the kids clothes instead. That way you will get to read it over and over again!!

Infact, go the whole hog and get them T shirts with it printed on - WOW what a good idea.

Seriously - you are doing good girl. Keep it up

Saffie

Thanks!

Well, the s&%t from yesterday's hot pursuit hit the fan today. Now he's really mad. I guess showing up at the school to look at the yearbook was not such a good idea after all. Would have been fine if Mr. F hadn't seen me. Now he's snitched and we're all in trouble.

Blasted! <Hitting my hard head against the wall>