Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? There and Back, #4

I'm glad someone gets it, because I know I was being really foolish and just acting like a weak, weak, woman.

its funny, he got frustrated because I kept my eyes shut tight...I couldn't look at him, and he wanted me to. I couldn't. and maybe that's why I was able to let that devil pound the angel down. lol. I could pretend he was matt damon instead of my lying, cheating, ass of a husband.

we'll see how he is when he calls tonight. he kept asking me afterward if I was upset. hell, I couldn't even answer I had no breath left. lol. will keep your answer in mind if he says anything when he calls.

All I can say is what are the names of those jeans?

No I can say more. Why am I beaming? OK at first I was proud of you for flirting and turninghim down. But I am happy for you for the yummy other stuff, too. Before that happened I was going to tell you to date someone else immediately. It will lock him into you according to Homer! Really, I think you should date someone else.

Did he call? Did you talk? Just sound upbeat when you talk with him, like nothing has changed. He is probably stewing and worried about the after-effects, and you'll show him that there's nothing to worry about. There's a fine line between doormat and enjoying yourself, and you drew it, I think. You are keeping him out of your life for the most part, the parts that are killing him to know about (your social life). I think that's good. Deep down, unfortunately we still love and are attracted to our H's, and these things don't change overnight.

I thought only guys were into friend sex? You guys didn't do a bad job of separating the emotion from the sex.

I guarantee it is your face he imagines when he falls asleep at night. Or your a$$ in those jeans! OP are sad substitutes because they are a simple solution. Wives come with complications and responsibilities. You made it fun again. No expectations. What a novel idea to fall in love with the mother of your children, hmmm. Let him keep pursuing you. Enjoy.

mk, just your basic gap jeans. lol. nothing fancy about them, they just show off my, well, assets, I guess. who knows. as for me dating someone, I think he thinks I am. keeping my social life private is killing him. and as much as I say I'm not a game player, I did have one moment on saturday where I definitely was. we were waiting in line for the roller coaster and I checked my phone...honestly, I was just checking the time, but he immediately thought someone had called me. I'll admit, I played coy a bit...said no, noone had, but might have looked a little sideways when I said it, wouldn't quite meet his eye. I'm a rotten liar, so not meeting his eye would mean, to him, that i was lying, of course. lol. he kept trying to make a grab for my phone, finally when I got to a bend in the line and he wasn't watching I took my phone out and deleted all past calls. he saw it just as it said, all calls erased. so now its pretty well cemented in his mind that some guy must have called me. probably spurred the lust on a bit for him.

lwb he did call, and didn't say anything. if anything, it was like we were walking on a minefield of eggshells. not sure how I should be, to tell you the truth. flirty? friendly? this sure as hell isn't going to become a regular event, not as things stand now. I think you are right about just sounding upbeat/nothing has changed. we'll see what happens.

atgo,friend sex? not sure if there was anything particularly friendly about the sex. lol. do you mean f-buddy? sigh. that would be nice. I love it in theory but not terribly realistic for most women I know, or even most men, not long term. and probably a really stupid idea to turn one's H into one. but yeah, sex and emotions don't always go hand in hand. although I am sure that there are women (and men) who always make love, and nothing wrong with that either.

hope everyone has a good holiday today. we're off to some friends for a bbq, will be nice and low-key, just a fun way to end summer.

end summer! ack! nooooooo

I think it would be awesome if you told him how terrific he was in bed or how good you are together! Would that be too needy? Maybe. What would the ramifications be? I think he needs to pursue you and let him keep believing you can get someone else. Why does that work? Why does dating someone else or just the thought of dating work? Maybe it shows you are truly detached and can now be like beginners?

thinking that could be a bit needy. I could flirt a bit about it, I suppose. I love to flirt, so that could be fun, and might keep that ember stoked. but if anything is to change, he definitely needs to pursue me, I can see that. and as well as he knows what buttons to push for me, I know what to push for him, too...I'd just have to be subtle about it, make it seem like he is the one in control/pursuit. granted, like I said, a lot about him and our relationship needs to change if we are ever to have a real chance, but that would be down the road.

good god, listen to me, I'm talking like yesterday meant something. I know it didn't...other than he still desires me, and wants to prove to himself and me that he can still have me.

as for the dating someone else thing, well, I think it just reminds the other person that the person who is doing the dating is still desirable...its so easy to become just a piece of the furniture when you've been together for a long time. knowing someone else is interested can tend to remind the op of the good things, the fun things.

but again, way more is being made of this. I know it in my gut. but nice to know he still is physically attracted. when the bomb first hit he told me he saw me more as a sister. ouch. ouch ouch ouch.

The sister comment wasn't him really talking. He was hurting and trying to justify what he had done.

I know what you mean, even though you know the sex didn't 'mean' anything, of course you (and him, trust me!) are thinking about it. I think your GAL has made you desirable, also standing up for yourself and drawing boundaries too.

atgo, I don't separate all emotions when we ML. Trust me. I love him, fully desire him, and miss our sex together. But I know its not a magic fix, does that make sense?

How was your day morgan?