Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis What happens when we want to be the WAS? HELP!!!

Thanks Lis and Steve

I'll email you tomm. Steve ok

Love,Lisa

Hi all!!

H went out of town for business. He had moved back home(again) on the advice of our T that we need to be under the same roof to learn to deal with the issues when they come up and not runaway form each other. I just hate having him around- My stress level just goes up!! He went to Atlanta -he just found out about this Wednesday and wanted me to go but I just couldn't- the kids have football and baseball etc... so I am freaked out about him cheating if the opportunity comes up. I am so sure he won't refuse. I do try to trust him but it is very hard to, Also 3 out of 5 kids are sick with a stomach bug and sore throats- I took the baby to my mom so she wouldn't catch it hopefully. He gets a mini "vacation" and I get to deal with everything ughhh- but you guys know how it is...

I am having such a hard time finding love in my heart for him. But I must do what's right, what's that though?

Lisa

Mamma, first of all, you must be exhausted with the kiddies sick.

I think this was a great time for him to go away.

It will give you somewhat of a chance to, get yourself together, without the stress of it all.

I am sorry you are feeling this way, but I think that this piecing stuff takes times. It all takes time and the trust may be what takes the logest.

Try to keep those thoughts of him cheating out of your mind (easier said than done)

But take this time to give yourself a break (a mini one anyway)

Thanks for passing by, I am good today.

smoooches, lovey

Hi Lisa.

Here is what I think. What does your C think you have been doing all this time? Seems to me you have been trying but your h is the problem. The issue is that he cheats. The issue is that he needs to get his s**t together. He has given you reason not to trust. What does she expect you to do. Accept his lies. I really don't get your C. Please tell your C I said so. Your C can call me too and I would tell her/him.

Lisa, you have been open and honest all along the way. I really don't know what it is that you are running from other than some a-holes who lies and cheats.

IMP

Lisa as you know my H and I split and reconciled once before. While he was away I was desperate for him to come home. Once he came home and confessed to cheating although I was saying I wanted to work things out I was also thinking 'Why the hell should I'. Although I didn't read DB until this time around I did at that time what it suggests. I faked it until I made it. In other words I acted as if I wanted him home and to work on things until I knew in my own mind that this was exactly what I wanted. It took a while for the hurt and humiliation to lessen (it never goes away) before I could truely feel love for him again. I suspect if you trawl the piecing forum you will find many simialar experiences. How you are feeling is I believe normal. How you choose to deal with it is an individual response but one you have to be 100% certain of before you act.

Let me pose this question to you. If you ended it all now and then a few months down the line realised you had made a mistake would B show you the same compassion as you have done for him several times? If the answer is no then don't leave unless you are adamant that this is really what you want. However the flip side of that is does he love you as much as you clearly love him (despite your protests) and if not can you live with that?

Yes, I do "love"him but I am not sure if in that same way that I used to love him. It is not enjoyable to be around him- maybe I am being selfish and just thinking of myself but I think I have grown alot during these last two years and although I do see him trying I am very scared of putting my heart back in and then he can't keep his **** in his pants so there goes our family AGAIN...

Thanks All

Love,Lisa

Lisa I can so identify with what you are saying and feeling. I think the one big thing in your favour is that B is getting counselling (I think I got that right). It doesn't make it a dead cert that he will become a reformed character but it sure makes the odds better than if he weren't doing anything about it.

You know that whatever you decide we will all support you.

Lisa,

You are allowed to be selfish. But honestly, I have never seen you as such. You are merely tired of his s**t. He needs to fix himself before you can ever consider fixing the marriage.

IMP

Thanks so much for the support- H is trying- I am looking for a new T, someone who gets me better- I feel like I have grown so much through this and I need support from my T not someone telling me I am trying to hurt my H on a subconcious level by having such a hard time showing him love etc... He has stomped on me and the kids twice and left me pregnant so yeah I think I should have a hard time with trust and showing love-

I am trying, I really am trying to do what is right- Thanks again guys

Love,Lisa

This is good news Lisa. I wish you well with your search for a new T. Maybe someone on this BB who lives near you could recommend someone?