Whilst I can understand your thoughts, it is true what ProdigalWife is saying. It is her way of dealing with the end of the A. Every call reenforced the fact that the OP was weak and manipulative.
Please don't judge her, she is giving all of us an extremely valuable insight into the other side of the A. We all never really know our partners, but we mislead ourselves on times to know what they are thinking.
I know that anything I say against the OP will not change anything, the changes must come from me. If my W in a future time still contacts the OP (they work in the same profession), then who am I to judge. I would love to tell her to cut off all contact, but I know enough about my W that this would be the wrong thing to do.
ProdigalWife, Thank you from all of us here. Your posts are helping to approach our partners in new ways and allow them to understand through our actions the right way to go.
How was my post a highjack? (read: it wasn't) I'm not trying to stir [censored], I'm pointing out what I see as a fact. Prodigal was doing what she thought was best for her, not her husband or the marriage. To continue to speak with the OM after the affair ended is disgusting, to defend it even worse.
sop
Poor little angry man. A bible thumper judging others, now I have seen everything! Since you are such a stand up guy, who were you before signing up for a new screen name? Get to steppin' and bow out of the thread.
Singleagain-
I missed the part where I made any reference to the bible, can you please point it out to me? Also, if you are not in favor of judging others, why is it ok for you to judge me? I won't be bowing out of this thread because you suggested that I do so, but thank you for the suggestion.
For those that say that maintaining contact with OM was her way of 'dealing with' the end of the affair, I would say when one deliberately desecrates their marriage and hurts their spouse, it's outrageous to end the affair on their own terms.
Hmm, what about forgiveness and redemption? It helps all of us to have forgiveness and expect redemption. It hurts all of us to stand in damnation and judgement. I honestly believe that many WSs are responding to an act of betrayal themselves. It is a sad cop-out but heir minds are somehow weakened like a drug abuser. I am not advocating it, I just think it helps to try to understand the symptoms so we can cheat- proof our Rs if it is possible. At this point, I am starting to think that cheaters are just acting like other mammals biologically. I am married to a caveman in a half shirt.
Last edited by mkultra; 08/29/0703:34 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Hmm, what about forgiveness and redemption? It helps all of us to have forgiveness and expect redemption. It hurts all of us to stand in damnation and judgement. I honestly believe that many WSs are responding to an act of betrayal themselves. It is a sad cop-out but heir minds are somehow weakened like a drug abuser. I am not advocating it, I just think it helps to try to understand the symptoms so we can cheat- proof our Rs if it is possible. At this point, I am starting to think that cheaters are just acting like other mammals biologically. I am married to a caveman in a half shirt.
I think we can both agree that the cheating was wrong... but that wasn't why I came down on her. I came down on her for continuing to speak with the OM. That's unacceptable behaviour, selfish behaviour, bad behaviour, etc etc.
I took my ex-OM's calls for a long time. It really has to do with the fact that healing is a process...a journey. He was a part of my life and it's damn near impossible to just cut it out and throw it away. He had been my friend and I struggled with that, even after the affair was over. My husband knew I needed to work through that and so he helped me.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
It was like being struck by lightning...and nearly as fatal. I can't explain why affairs happen so differently, so instantaneously, when, as you say, normally falling in love takes time. But yeah, it was that sudden.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
While I appreciate all of you who defend me to SOP, I wouldn't bother, really. It feels good to know that you can stand by someone who has cheated...remember this if/when your WAS returns, ok? It's easy to forgive me; I'm a nameless faceless stranger. It will be harder when your spouse tells you they want to talk to their OP. Remember then how you feel about my situation now.
SOP, I won't order, or even ask you to leave this thread again. Obviously you gain SOMETHING from your presence here, or you would've already left. But I find little for us to discuss - we simply disagree.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
I guess I can't see an affair like a normal relationship? Maybe there are aspects of it that are so underground that it has to move quickly and intensely because there is so much at stake. I truly think my H now knows he has sacrificed everything to be with the OW so he really wants it to be real and passionate.
They were not friends. She does not know any of his friends as she is new to town and he keeps her hidden from exposure. How long will the underground behavior continue before people can't take it any more? I dread seeing them. Did you H ever see you with OM?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Perhaps you can help me here. Being that you've been on the other side. My wife came home last night after being with one of her "female friends" and was like almost high she was so bubbly. She called me at 8:00 saying she was going for ice cream and came in at 10:00. Of course this registers on my BS meter which has been pretty accurate since this began. But what do you make of this? I'm thinking either her female friend is covering or else OM joined them.. Gut check says she probably did something wrong but was overly loving. Am I overreacting? And btw, the kids were in bed and I was sleeping when she came home so I was just like "yawn, oh hi":)
What's your take?
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
If you don't want to answer my question, I will understand, but I am struggling to understand the intimacy angle at the moment. How was it with your H, were you still intimate or did that stop completely? As I said, quite happy if you don't want to go there and appreciate that every situation is different (check out my thread for the confusing messages I'm getting).
