Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives chicki's drama cont/ 3 I'm feeling like the OW ?

Also, as far as "playing games", there is a "freind" who is about to finalize his D. I have known him for sometime now & we have been talking and going out,but nothing more.

In some ways my H is like me. This A was a big wake up call to me and to how I had taken our M for granted and I guess knowing how my H is I am in hopes he will "wake up " like I did. Other websites encourage instilling jealousy in order for the WAH to realize what they may be about to lose. Ofcoarse, most prolly will not react so angrily,but those are personal issues my H has to deal w/, whether I have OP or not.

Now its time to detach and wait to see if H acts upon the feelings he prolly did not realize he still has for me (per his words).

You know that saying u dont know what you got until it goes away?
well, though our M had anger and power struggle isssues, I did not realize just how much I had taken H for granted and was just sweeping away our promblems under the mattress until another woman came and made me look at my faults as he was seeing only her positives.

Hey Chicki
I dont like the jealousy thing. Do you really want a relationship that thrives on that? i.e. only wakeup calls for each one of you is if you realize what you might lose along the way because another person "might" be standing in the wings?

Maybe I misread the thought, but just dont think that is a great foundation to build on, which is why I am not pursuing anything else right now.

C

Wake up call is JUST that it does not mean your R is based on that. Can we call it a light bulb moment? WHen I got my wake up call, it opened my eyes to all my faults and how I contributed to the down fall of the M. You see I was for a breif time (on & off) a WAW. I can relate to seeing things as only black and white and seeing only the negatives in you SO.

This wake up call to me opened my eyes to EVERYTHING. I am thankful for that.

I still stand my ground. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

Gotcha
No attack Chicki, told you I may have misread the thought here.

Keep being positive and acting mature around your hubby who needs to keep growing (up?).

C

Well, this is the first time in a while since my H has has the kids for the weekend and it is always hard when they return b/c they are so excited to tell me where they went & it hurts to see how much fun they have w/ the OW and the "step family" thing.

How come h doesnt mind if the kids mention OW's name in my house but as soon as they left Friday he told the girls not to mention me? I guess it is so much easier to hurt the wife and continue doing so but oh no we cant hurt OW. My oldest D10 did say,but mommy I mentioned you just once. I told the girls I am and always will be their mommy therefore if they want to say something about mommy they can.

You guys remember the drama scene from friday well b/c of it H was running a little late(OW' time table). I knew she prolly had called him or was going to. D10 told me she called him alright as soon as they left the house and daddy was mad telling her "why is it you have to time me everytime?". I told you guys I knew this will start to get on him. She is choking him and he cant stand that. In one of our R talks I mention that to him, that if this is her NOW putting him on a leash you can imagine when u make it legal?

When they arrived I was ironing in my room w/ soft love songs playing on the CD player. I barely made eye contact w/ him as he asked if his dad had come over to fix the washer, which he did not. God, him & his dad are so alike. I could of worked all day but since his dad was coming I didnt. Oh well I got alot house work done.

Yesturday morning (h knew I was working & at work I keep my cell on silent) h calls twice & i didnt know. H left a texted saying your not answering you must be w/BF. I texted back wantign t know if he was dropping the girls off at noon like he said he was. I got off work & went to my moms and left the cell in the car. H called this time he left a voice message" what will he not let you answer the phone? I have a question to ask you cal me back". Ten minutes later I called him back and he was pissy. I told about me leaving him texted messages and he said he didnt get them b/c his message box says its full. This is when he told me his dad was coming over to look at the washer. He told me he dropping the kids"later". I tried to ask when but he hung up. I called him back & he says "what I dont have time for this nonsense?" I said I need to know what time your coming? and what time is your dad coming, I am not home right now.My dad will be there at two and if your not there he will not come back.You will have to get your BF to fix it. I said ok and hung up.

I hope everyone had a good holiday weekend.

chicki, sorry to say you didnt had a great weekend and I didnt either. For you, what could have made it a splendid weekend turned out into a insecure H. Seems like he wants to have all the cake and eat it. The phone thing is another example, if your H wants you back he needs to quit saying these tid bits to you. If I call my W and it goes to voice mail, I simply leave a message. For all I know she may be tied up with something else. I will post my wknd experiences on my sitch.

Chicki
Tell him to just DROP the boyfriend comments. You have to draw boundaries! This stuff is like high school drama, so tell him so.

Sorry to be harsh, he just needs a 2x4

Yeah, but you know it doesnt get to me & I ignore his comments and move on to the next thing. I have noticed H likes to push my buttons,but if I ignore him he stops. At times when we were in public and I would ignore his childish ways,he would stop look around and at the kids(who btw would give him looks) & I know then he feels like an idiot. So, I just have to wait for him to see his own idocracies. I am slowly learning that my H does not comply effectly if I tell not to or to stop certain things.H is like a child he will rebel at what he sees as me controlling him.

Hopefully in time he will see I will no longer stoop down to his level.

Good one Chicki, nice realization.

You rock, dont forget it.

Same here, the W likes to say that I say up late merely to spy on her, why would I want to spy on her when I know that she is the one who is having the affair and not I. It makes me wonder who is showing quilt here now.

I dont need to know anything more than what I already know.


chicki is the best!!! Chicki getting her groove back...