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Atlas:



This is hard for me also. It is all about being able to deal with the bad times and accepting and enjoying when times are good. When it is really difficult is when the downs really outweigh the good. I am really having difficulty with this now because there is so much down. Glad you are able to let it slide off your back when she annoys you.



Good job on the GAL front. I am sure she will be shocked when she sees you all set to go. Have fun tonight.

Atlas ~ I have followed your thread lately but have not posted. I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing great and that I find a lot of strength for myself in your posts. They have been so helpful to me. I sincerely hope that everything works out for the best with you and your wife!

Ditto

Well last night W came by to get S, we talked a bit and it seems like there is some hope. She wants to meet tonight to talk but later called to say she just found out FIL is flying into town today so we probably will not meet. I'm worried about him being here because I think he will press her to make a choice, while I think that he is for saving our marriage (not fully sure) he is an action person and will probably push.

I guess I just try and keep my head about me, remain cool and calm. Man do I want things to work, but I also realize it may not and I will be fine. I wish my S didn't have to see or go through this. He sat by the window last night for an hour waiting for Mommy, just broke my heart. There he is in a diaper, pacifier and his blanky. We should be working on his potty training, getting ready to go to disneyland, talking about another child, and she wants to be 21 again. Sometimes I wonder if I chose poorly in my W.

Slowly and steadily, you're pulling her back in. Even if you don't, you sound 10x better than a few weeks ago.

Distract that young man with reading him a book or whatever crap tv shows are on for that age group today (I had to suffer through Teletubbies -- sadly, it broke you down after a while). Color with him. Maybe ask him to help you draw a picture of mommy.

You may need to let the potty training go. Our oldest hit 2 years old and basically trained herself. Our youngest got semi-potty trained at 2, then regressed and didn't make it until right at three. I think you said your son is 2 and a half? Give him time. I've heard from a lot of parents that if they miss that 24 month window, it usually doesn't happen until around 3. I'm sure pediatricians know why, but group wisdom says it's a fact.

A
dont think about "choosing poorly" or whatever negative thought about the past is going thru your mind. You actually have had more R talks than almost anyone on here which means things, although always on edge, are still under consideration. Think about it, if the coach is not yelling at you, your done, your on the bench.

C

Thanks guys!

Here is my question though. How can you ever trust again? How does that work? Little by little, I hear of the Routerville suggestion of it is a decision.

I love that girl unconditionally, she is my world. BUT, I know I deserve the best in life, I deserve to have someone there supporting me while I support them. I'm scared, I can't figure out after everything that has happened how I can still want this. I'm floored by the number of similar comments from friends and family about W's past behavior's. If people from diffrent walks of life saw the same things and now relate those to me, how come I haven't seen them. For instance a friend heard through the rumor mill about it and emailed me, he and his W meet me and my W after we were married. We did a lot with them, went away on weekends, camping, dinners. He said in his email that him and his W could never figure out why I was always groveling to get out of trouble when W was mad at me, and he said for things that normally a H wouldn't be in trouble for. I had an uncle say the same thing.

I guess I have to leave behind that R if I want a M with W. Fix those problems and move on. Who knows, I'm just confused on how to trust her again. I guess it is one day at a time, and even if I left and found someone else who can guarantee that they wouldn't do the same. Thats love, a calculated gamble of sorts.

Good thing is I'm not really down, life is going really well. The resigned Monday and it didn't go so well. Then yesterday I was told to name my price to stay. Unfortunetly, I told them I made my decision, I would still work for them on the side if they wanted me to, but I needed to move on. I feel bad making my old place of employment the LBS, haha.

Chin up everyone it is Wednesday, get your Fantasy Football teams picked and look forward to the weekend.

Ain't that the truth.

I've had folks say similar things to me about my W. I just hold on to the fact that I fell in love with my W for a reason and that we were good for a long time for a reason. Things got bad because we didn't focus on each other. If we both put in the effort, things could be better than ever. All that said, I have the same question as you -- trust. On the one hand, it is an effort of will. You have to decide to trust. That's what I did with my W after the A. I could either drive myself nuts that she was still seeing him or let it go. I let it go. Beyond that, I'm actually more concerned about emotional trust. How can I ever trust again, were we to make another go, that she'd be emotionally honest with me and tell me her issues/problems? To that question, which is the one that I think you're really asking, is that I have no answer. I guess it'll be doing the small things well over time and a "feeling" of closeness. I do know/understand from reading that it will take time, so if you and your W do start making a new beginning, don't beat yourself up for not totally trusting her immediately. It will take time. Beyond that, can't offer anything else.

Back to the things that friends noticed that you didn't. Those are the reasons you're here. Your next R, with W or without, is going to be better because you better understand what it is you want and are looking for/willing to put up.

BD

Had a great night. Picked up S at daycare and there was no meds with him. Called W and she said her Dad was at her place and I could go by and get them. Felt pretty awckward but I went.

Ended up spending 3 hours with FIL and had a great time. There was very little R talk but he did ask where things stood. Told him how I felt and said I don't know, it's really up to W. He said W hadn't talked about D with him since he left so he thought we might be reconciling. He honestly didn't know though, not trying to drop hints. He said I was a great guy and a good dad and it would be a shame. Felt nice to hear.

Well we talked and he had his drink and I beer. We played with S for some time and we caught up. It was really good. At one point I tried to make an exit and he said I should stay, I said it probably wouldn't be wise if I was here when W got here. Then he was like well you have an hour then sit down. Great convo, I told him I left that I hope it isn't a long time before I get to see him again, he told me to stay in touch. Walked us out to the car and said goodbye to S. Said I was welcome down in Florida anytime. Did the same.

When I talked to W on the phone she said she still wants to talk and suggested Saturday. Said that would be great. Not sure why tomorrow or Friday don't work, I'm sure she has plans but I know FIL was only in town for the night. She might be trying to sort through her feelings and how she is going to react to me and my suggestions.

I'm heavily thinking of throwing out the following proposal. If W will attend Routerville with me in 2 weeks, and after she still wants the D I will give it to her uncontested on the terms she has laid out. Might not be the best move but the terms aren't that bad and she thinks she is getting the world. I also think I have to play the talk by ear, she delivered the papers 2 Mondays ago and still won't talk about them and I don't think she would have given them to me if I didn't ask for them. She hasn't filed yet, so that is good. I need to see these as babysteps but I'm so skeptical and checked out it is hard. But I want it. Either way I'll be a stand up guy and move on fine. Just hope it is with her by my side.

You sound like you are doing great Atlas. Good to hear bud!!

G