Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

It is amazing how they will slip at times. I have found my W doing the same thing as well...It just amazes me that they think what they are doing is okay...

lwb-

I was happy about the "love you" I got from my H last night. I'm trying like heck to not put a huge amount of stock into it, but still see it as a positive thing. It's a hard thing to balance.

Last night when H got home, he was a little silly, which was nice to see. We talked about the day....etc. I had said that we got our Direct TV working (temporarily) yesterday. We have a tv in the living room & one in the bedroom. My H grabbed a snack & came into the bedroom to watch his favorite baseball team, sitting on the bed near me.

lwb....remember the other day when I said that I was thinking about just saying a little (non emotional).....I know something isn't right....just don't give up on me kind of deal. Well, it got quiet & I said.....Honey......kind of with that -here comes a question kind of tone. He....in an annoyed tone.....said "what?". I just said.....if you hear my alarm go off in the morning, can you please push me out of bed?? His response was a very suprised "Why?". I said....well, with D3 sick all week, I haven't been able to get out and walk/jog. I really need to get back out and I don't want to miss the opportunity tomorrow morning.

H then came up & laid down on his side of the bed to watch the rest of the game. He was flipping through channels & came across a Cinemax movie.....you know the kind I'm talking about. I joked and said....you know what this will do to me don't you. He just smiled. I leaned over toward him and he smiled and jokingly said....I'm tired. I shocked him by saying....Remember that time a while back when we'd had so much going on & you told me that it didn't matter if I was tired, we were still going to have sex???.....well, that's what I'm telling you. I later got annoyed when I saw H look at his watch. I thought damn it, it's almost 11:00 pm......guess it's time for you to go work out and call OW. Well, much to my surprise, H got up and put on the shorts that he wears to bed. YESSS!! At least no calls to OW tonight. I know that they talked yesterday, but at least I did something tonight to stop him from wanting to leave.

This morning our D3 was all bright eyed & bushy tailed. I got ready, got her medicine done. H did let me give him a kiss good-bye. I wonder if H is waiting to see if the changes I'm making are going to stick.

One thing I need some help on is this........it's our 13-year anniversary on Monday (3rd). I did buy a card & wanted to pick up something for H. I want to acknowledge the day, but don't want to get so mushy as to push him further into this deal he's in.

I'm trying like heck to keep positive. The more assertive and positive I am the better things seem to go. It's just hard having to be UP all the time. When this crap is going on, I just feel like I have to be on top of my game.....looks, attitude....etc....all the time. I never get the opportunity to be grouchy or tired. Just not fair!!

SueS

Just got some bad news. I emailed my SIL to send her a picture of our D3. I asked her to please try to come up to see us with my BIL in November. I miss her and want to see them. She emailed back telling me that she's sorry, but she and my BIL have decided to divorce. I almost went into full blown hysterics. They've always had a very, very volatile relationship. They are a few years older than us, she got pregnant when they were dating. They moved in together, had a baby....etc., but never really had a chance to be a real married couple. She also had an older son from a previous M. She asked me not to say anything to my H and pretend that I don't know. I know that my H and my BIL have talked almost every night for the past week or so. She wasn't sure if my BIL had told my H yet. I hope he has. If he hasn't & my H finds out soon, I'm just afraid that my BIL's D will somehow justify my H's behavior or push him a little further away from me. Sounds incredibly selfish for me to be thinking of me during her time of hurt (although she says it's a relief), but it's plain and simple reality. My H has always know that their relationship has been rocky & that they've talked about D alot in the past, so I'm hoping that he doesn't somehow figure this action into his own feelings.

In a HUGE way, I really wish I didn't know. When you know something, it's hard as hell to act like you don't or to not let your actions show that something's different.

I'll miss my SIL a lot, but I guess I need to be even more focused now on me and my own R.

Man, this could really, really throw a curve ball into our life.

Just one positive thing. My BIL & I have a great relationship. We get along and my BIL has always told my H that he doesn't ever want to see him hurt me. He told my H that he needs to stop and realize what a good thing he has.

HHHEEELLLLPPPP!!

Sus,

you are not selfish. When I found out about my W affair some friends of ours started a divorce also. I too thought the same thing. That this will make it easier for my W to follow through.
It’s natural to feel this way
'

Husband

Totally natural to feel that way Sue. Honestly, when I had heard OW's H found out about A, I freaked thinking "Oh this isn't going to die on its own, its going to become even more secret/fun for them." Selfish me, huh? I am sorry they are divorcing.

That is SOOOOOO funny that you did the "I want to talk relationship" voice, and then said something so normal. LOL!!!!! I love it! And no calls or gym?? That's great!!! He didn't feel pressured at home, so he stayed. Way to go!

SueS,
Just read your whole thread and think you are on the right track with all your actions. My sitch is like yours (except W is having the contact and A).
Both Husband and lwb are offering great support (Husband has been great for me also) and my little snippet is DON'T PEEK. I spoke to my W about this the other week and stated 'The only person I would hurt is me, so your phone is yours.' W also stated that it would hurt her for me to see some of the posts - WTH?
Keep up the exercise and become that woman of mystery. Be flirty then pull back - go on confuse the hell out of him, make him want you and hold him at arms length. If he is male and breaths, he will be crawling after a short while (I know I would be).
If you want to tell us the gory details ;-), we won't mind - in fact, for some of us this will be the closest we have come to sex in ages (LOL).

lwb & husband-

Thanks so much for the support.

Yeah, I was kind of proud of myself for the old switcheroo on the subject of conversation. I know he was totally expecting me to try to pin him down for some R talk.

lwb-I was on your thread. How nice for you to have a great day. I'm glad that your H called you too. Did you get to snuggle with D3? That was the only positive part of my D3 being sick. She wanted mommy to lay with her and snuggle. It felt so good.

My H called this afternoon & left a message. I was at lunch. I called him back. He wanted to know if I'd talked to daycare to see how our D3 was doing. He said she'd complained about her ear today. I told him that she's on meds for 10 days, with only 2 days into it, the ear will still give her problems. We talked just about general stuff.....One of his friends.....a great guy (older gentleman) that is very near & dear to us had emailed me. He checks in on us often, so we talked about him. I asked if he still wanted to go to the track this weekend. This is their last weekend of racing & it's a family weekend. I got a "we'll see". College football starts this weekend & he has fantasy drafts next week! It did get my second "love ya too" in the past 2 days. Trying to be positive!

I need to get some things done. I'll try to get on this weekend. Have a great weekend.

Oh.......and about the anniversary on Monday. I bought a card and a great sweater for H. I told him the other day that I'd seen something that I thought would look great on him. He was flattered. I thought it's an okay gift....no emotional attachment. No gushy, mushy stuff. His b-day is at the end of June. He wears jewelry. Everything he has is gold. I'd bought him a nice manly, thick chain & bracelet that he loved and hasn't taken off.

SueS

Hey Sues.

Sounds like things are going your way I'm envious

Husband

Pamar LOL at wanting details. Yup, fine with me too.

Sue, Yep, snuggled with D3 while she slept, until I felt a warm sensation. She woke up and said "Mom, you tinkled". I said "Nope, that was you". She was all "Oh well".

You have this perfect knack for doing what Pamar is suggesting, flirting, being mysterious, getting him to pull you towards him, then pulling back without hurting him, just making him want more. Problem is, I get to where H is pulling me towards him and I am goo in his hands. DER! I just miss his physical being, not even just sex, you know? Need to work on the pulling away more. Can you hold a workshop?