Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis What kind of converstation?

I can relate...my H's OW was the perfect wife...perfect woman...let's see she was 32 (14yrs. younger then him) had 4 kids by different men...had been married 2 or 3 times (he wasn't sure)...was very "family oriented"...she lived with her brother (I think that is what he said)...was hard working (had $400 gas bill and $600 cable bill he paid for her so she wouldn't be cut off??? Those are some BIG bills for basic stuff)...

He was ready to marry her...needless to say he did come to his senses...it took time and her getting bored and moving on....but after about 18 months he was moving back to the area and soon we were reconnecting...

Your H still wants contact with you...mine didn't when he was gone...I do see a lot of positives...MLC is just totally insane...I never believed in it before I watched first hand as my H sunk to level that I never imagined and to someone that he himself would have dispised...sad...but true..

H has been home for about a year and half now...things are going much better...I think we are gonna make it...he says he loves me again...28th anniversary is coming up...we missed our 25th! and our 26th...27th he said "I love you"....so we will see what 28 holds for us...

Take care....Lin

Imlin said "I can relate...my H's OW was the perfect wife...perfect woman...let's see she was 32 (14yrs. younger then him) had 4 kids by different men...had been married 2 or 3 times (he wasn't sure)...was very "family oriented"...she lived with her brother (I think that is what he said)...was hard working"

DId your h get togethe with my h's OW's sister? Three kids by three different fathers - a LOT of other relationships - he sin't sure how many!! Oh yes, hard working, but doesn't make much money . . . Has great relationship with her son [in front of whom she has paraded a sring of lovers - she isn't refined about beig off premises], and best of all she asbolutely loves his kids - only one of whom she met, [and this socially, before the affair] and they cordially detested each other.

You are right it is crazy. My h always disliked promiscuous women, and 'messy' familiy situations - Iwas teh more understanding one! Like you I was deeply sceptical of MLC untilit happened to me.

A

My H never introduced the kids...but OW told him she would let him raise hers as his own and as Christians!...now this would have looked funny...no disrespect at all intended but she was white, he was white....BUT ALL of her other lovers/H's were black so the children would not have looked like either one of them!

Our children would have never wanted to meet her and I actually had it in my separation/D agreement that our son would never have to...and verbally told my H it would be over my dead body that she would ever be in contact with MY kids...

I just asked him one question when he told me all of this..."How does the perfect woman end up married so many times by age 32?"...he replied "She married loser's."...to which I replied with a serious look, "Ohhhhh."...I think my face said it all...she marries losers and just might create another one to marry!!!

I very much thought MLC was an excuse to get a sporty car and g/f....I had no idea that they really really do go temperorarily insane!!!...I have seen both sides now...H is not the same person he was before...but he is still wayyyyyy better then the MLC man!...so keep the hope...it may not be in vain!

Take care...Lin

Now, that is priceless. I am LMAO here.

Update:
I was concerned cuz I hadn't heard from H and he was calling daily, so I called. Talk about timing - H tells me that he and OW are done -- "not compatable" ...who'd a thunk?
Anyway, he was very depressed and then it was my turn. H tells me he wants a D. I was expecting it just because of what I read.

Everyone should read Men in Midlife Crisis << I could have pointed to exactly where H was at that time in the phone conversation. I now am reading You and Your Husbands Midlife Crisis. Yes, alot of religious references, but it helps.

I agreed with H about D. He called and although I was at home, H didn't know. Then called around trying to figure out where I was. He's done this before. He didnt' have anything to ask or talk about, but sure was curious. I just didn't feel like drama that day, so I returned the call the next. I dont' consider Head Games but my own sanity and peace of mind.

I'll see when we go over paperwork in 3 weeks how intent he is about D, if so then I'll continue on. I have my dark days, thank Heaven I've got God to talk to.
Is this trying to be a marytar or is he for real?

"You deserve better than me, I can't forgive myself. You didn't deserve this and you can find someone who will be better to you. I can't even take care of myself, let alone you".

I do want him back, I have forgiven him. His A didn't last long at all, although it cut to the bone. Baby steps I guess, and I'll see where they lead.

I heard the same stuff from H...all the "can't forgive myself how can you forgive me?....etc...can't take care of myself...can't deal with anyone's emotions not even my own"....and the list goes on...

We are now back together...it has been 18 months...but then he was gone for nearly 2 years...he is still healing but doing so much better...

Hold on...Lin

Update:
H calls thru the week, short but friendly convo's even laughing etc. He somehow got on the conversation of my family (asked how my sister was - cancer) and said my brother prob wants to beat him up for H's affair. I said that B doesn't have room to talk about relationships, and that sicne Sis got ill everyone wants the best for me and him. Most say that it's our business and they will pray for us, and respect us.
He liked that.
I've got all the bills to show him when he comes in a couple weeks for GD's birthday, and that his deposit was more than usual-he wasnt' concerned about it whereas in the past he kept wanting/needing more than what he had been getting. So that was odd.
Then he said he might drop by if he's up this way--? I replied "I thought you were in TN" "I am, but I might get up that way" << Hasn't ever before since the A unless it was preplanned.
Hate to have hopes, but these are good signs...or so I think.
Why would he care what my family thinks? He's never said anything before, I dunno.
I've been following DR, lots of postitive signs. Tells me he hasn't had a good nights sleep in a long time (yeah, well join the club), just up and down moments that confuse me.

I had wished there was a little more support here -- I'm crushed and NEED it.
3 weeks ago H told me he and OW quit seeing each other ..now I find out he hasn't. We've been having great conversations on the phone and he even said he might be able to swing by the house a week earlier, then he met up with her again.

He's suppose to come home for granddaughters b'day party next week. I'm going to have the bills in order, ideas of what we should do since he mentioned D << I don't want it. I dont' know how I'll hold up, I can't imagine holding up at all.

He's rearranged his deposit so Im sure I won't be getting as much as I had, which scares me too.

He tries to talk to S about OW and said "she says she can't live without me"...my S doesn't want to hear it or get involved but he didn't tell H that. I told S he's looking for approval, just tell him you don't want to hear it. S of course doesn't agree with H.
I know I can live without him, I'd just rather not.

So. I've got to talk to H tomorrow about bills, thought I'd bring up the S talk. Do I ask him when he plans on filing? Do I wait and ask after the party? I just don't want to get screwed on the bills too.

I overanalyze looking for solutions and there aren't any. I'm distraught. I've been through a lot in my life and now this. I know life isn't fair but I need a break!

Please Please...any type of help I'm open to.
thx

I'm happy for you and your M. I appreciate your answer.

I wont' mention D << does that make them want to more than if it's not menioned at all? He had mentioned it 3 weeeks ago, then nothing. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me--so I doubt if he'll call which might be a good thing, yet I think it keeps us connected..? Yeah?

If we don't get to the D thing, does that keep him from moving on? Or?
Don't get it. I appreicate any feedback.