No one got pissed off Amy, if they did it's because you spoke the truth and it pricked their heart. I tool it to heart, it was amazing. Now come talk to me about my situation. I need a woman's perspective.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I appreciate all the sentiment that it's the revisionist history speaking. I had forgotten that is such a part of this. I understand she has to justify doing this horrible thing to me and her kids. So it makes sense in her head.
It doesn't feel like MLC. More like just trying to find herself in the world after having been 10 years in a role that she says she didn't want (stay at home mom). The really interesting part will be after she trys to do better in a new R (she tells me she had Rs that worked much better than ours - both very long term, but in high school and college - not really representative of real life), and then realizes I was pretty dang good. By then it will be too late...
She was not perfect at doing nice things for me, but not bad enough that I really could complain. For most of the M she was trying. She threw an incredible 40th b-day party (Surprise!) for me. I still have the plant on my desk with the card in it from our 10th anniversary with an appropriately mushy saying that she wrote. It was good. But there were times when I'd ask her to do things that she just couldn't. It made it feel like it was too much for her to do them for me. It was a strain. And too often she was unappreciative of the efforts I made for her. And you just read about what she did when I lost my job, so there that is.
So, yeah, she feels that the whole thing was wrong. Obviously that is not true. But there were times when it was obvious we were on very different wavelengths. And not just her. But I feel that once you're this far in (almost 20 years, three kids), you should at least try to figure it out. But she disagrees, and continues to look for ways to justify that, so here we are.
I'm still way too much in the mind set of: Okay, you wanted this, I hope you choke on it. It will take a long time for me to forgive her for what she is doing to me and the family.
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
Had atty meeting number, oh about 6, I think. I've lost count. They run about $2000 a piece, so I might be able to figure it out from the bill, but I digress...
STILL haven't gotten closure on the CS, but we're finally ready to do it. Have resolved the estate split, the kid sharing schedule, the pension, stock options, house, Roth's, 401Ks and cash. Today she went after half of my frequent flier miles and attempted to pin a church schedule with the kids on me. Deflected that one for now.
Looks like a pretty firm end of July move out date for me. Before this, it was never sure enough to really gauge properly. Time to start packing...
We have another meeting Monday, and are expecting that to be it before final drafting of the legal docs and signatures.
This is crap, by the way.
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
Well, had what we hope is the final meeting on negotiations, although we still need to agree on the final CS amount (it's within a few hundred a month). So in theory, we just need to go through the final review and then have the signature meeting and I'll be D. This sucks.
You know, she tells me we are the best at making decisions together. Well, for the first decision she's making by herself, I have to say she is pretty bad at going it alone.
So, the next few months will be tough. Moving out of my house, renting (never thought I'd ever do that again), buying a much smaller place to live, getting the kid schedule running, and seeing how my finances work out. This just sucks!!!
It will be nice to be able to do whatever I want without having to ask for permission (or pay for it) later. And I will be much more discerning in selecting my next spouse. Family mental health issues: sorry. Unable to fight fairly: see ya. Unable to forgive: later. Has blackout drinking episodes: ta ta. Lack of empathy: Next. Paranoid: Gone.
There are things I won't miss.
I am looking at the book by that guy from eHarmony, which looks like it will help. But I'm too raw to take it seriously yet. Maybe in a few months.
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
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