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Bar, I have got to do it. No beating around the bush. I have just alienated myself from everyone since I got married 15 years ago. I don't even know where to start. I am looking to take some Photoshop classes somewhere and I would also like to take some pshsyc classes. I don't drink much so bars don't entise me (good thing I guess). I'm not into sports. I'm getting burned out on the gym. Damn! I do need to get a life. I am starting to feel like such a looser. LOL

Nugget, what do you like to do and what interests do you have? If you can't throw yourself into something straight away or you don't know many people, just start by going out. You know, walks, coffee shops, cinema, museums, wherever you feel comfortable. I sometimes drive around and stop somewhere interesting.

At first I didn't want to see or meet people but now I've re-connected with some friends who were quite happy to hear from me. I see some of them when I feel up to it.

Start small and build from there. You are not a loser but you are in a bad place. We can leave that place and take steps towards enjoying ourselves, upping our PMA.

take care

bar, I'm not really sure. I'm not doing anything really. It seems automatic. But then I wake up bright and early and anxious. Too many things going through my head at once. I do get calm moments at times. Like after talking to the W on the phone or maybe even others like MIL yesterday. Couple things.

1. I need to be able to control what I think and quit thinking about everything. I need to just worry about today. Easier said than done really. It's all about control in the end. If you feel you are out of control, you feel anxiety. Need to let go of that somehow. I really do not like the sudden unexplained anxiety. Those are the worst. I felt that in the Harry Potter movie and just wanted it get out. I stuck through it. Granted I should've chosen something light and fun cuz that movie is dark! A lot of the times I write down things I want to say to my W instead of actually saying it to her. I come back to it later and usually I delete them because I realize they aren't good for DBing.

2. I realize that human contact is very important. They keep you from going crazy. So need to go out, GAL, meet people, and make friends. Staying at home just make you nutty. :P

bar, as far the anxiety when the H is out, it's a matter of trust and letting go. You can go crazy thinking all that stuff. You have to either have trust in him or pretend AS IF he's being faithful to you. Otherwise you'll always be suspicious and that can be very bad for your R and you mentally. I would also suppose that's called detaching.... Well heck, maybe you need to go out and have some fun and do something instead of worrying about him. It may make a difference once he sees you doing that.

Ah I think what my anxiety may be. It could be my impatience while waiting for the W and the kids to come home. Just tired of the empty house with nobody around. 10 days away from the family is pretty rough. Even during the S I would be able to see them every couple days. Now where is that fast forward button.... Only 3 more days! Breath!

Dave! Writing things down that you delete later is a brilliant way of venting without actually upsetting your W and then regretting it.

You're right about letting go but trust? How can I trust him?

Hope you have some plans to get yourself out, among people, very soon.

take care

bar, for me it's about looking forward to the future. If both people want the M then you have to just trust. If he betrays your trust then there wouldn't be a M anyways. Do you really want to be with him if he betrays you again? Once you make the decision that another betrayal is not acceptable, then it is a little easier to let go. Gotta love like you've never been hurt before right? Basically if you don't let go, you are the one that's gonna suffer. It sure doesn't bother him....

Went to the mall earlier. Wandered blindly around for a bit. I think I'm just bored out of my mind. It's like the last 4 years the kids just completely consumed my life. Now when the kids aren't around, I just don't know what to do anymore.... All the events in meetup.com are a couple weeks from now. Grrrrr....

Hey Dave - sorry you're feeling anxious. The weekends alone were always the worst for me (and even now I get a pit in my stomach every Friday).

About meetup, here's this week's schedule for Phoenix - are you sure none of 'em might work?? (I think you're on Phoenix right?):

http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/az/phoenix/events/

There aren't a ton of real general ones (especially that aren't singles focused) but I do see a wine tasting tonight, and tomorrow I see a brunch, a movie matinee, dinner and Salsa dance lessons, coffee/social, and a poker game... any of those appealing at all?

Yeah I looked through those. Either too far or not for me. I have some lined up but they are couple weeks out. I may go see another movie tonight. Really just have to make it through until Tuesday when the W and the kids come home. Just hope I can fast forward through Sunday. I'd hang out with you NikkiB but you are in northern CA :P

Aw that's too bad.. Sorry Dave! I was hoping one of 'em would be appealing.

haha Yeah, kind of a long drive/flight to come hang out..

Although there are a number of DB'ers in the San Diego area, if you're ever up for a road trip!

Nah...that's 5 hours drive. Still way too long. Where are you in CA? Every now and then I go to Santa Clara for work. Not that often though. My uncle's family are in San Jose. But I don't think I've talked to them for almost 5 years....