I just meant that WASs leave and the ones that stay and work on themselves and their R will win even if it is in another R.Well yesterday XW took the kids shopping for my b-day and when they got back she said she had invited my family and her family to a cookout for my b-day tonight and I guess it will be at my house.I heard from one of my d that she told someone she was doing it because she felt bad about something but d didn't know what.I called XW and told her I appreciated it but if she didn't want to do it she didn't have to and she said she wouldn't if she didn't want to.Since the older d decided to spend the night at her moms I said no more staying at home.i called a friend of mine that went through a D also.he said the same things as here.They are thinking of getting back together. He dates and it is driving her crazy but she is with OM.We went to a couple of bars and had a really good time.Times have sure changed,there was a girl that had tattoos on her nipples,she showed them to me in the bar,crazy.I am backing off and letting the moves fall to her.Myfriend encouraged her to go with her BF this weekend,he says even when they want to come back make them beg to come back.He calls it getting control back,gota go
Sorry if the last post was a bit confusing but company showed up and had to get off in a hurry. The party went well,I didn't hang around XW too close.They have to think about good times. She stayed until after the last person left.I thought it was kind of funny,the smal things like last night XW brought pizza back from shopping and asked if I had eaten,I told her no that I would fix something in a minute so she offered the pizza and I told her thanks but that was ok,I would get something and she got almost mad because I wouldn't take it. I finally did but just that little thing of her thinking I didn't want something.To bad it took 2 1/2 years for me to get strong enough to figure it out.
???????????????????? What exactly is it that you figured out...I am not getting it.
Once again, what I see is a man who is very angry. Your last two posts show it. I understand the anger because I still have anger. We are human. But for the love of God, what did you accomplish with the pizza incident other than to raise the level of her ire.
If you ask me, I can see why she isn no where near ready to commit to a relationship with you. Get your head on straight, take care of Randy and the rest will follow.
I told her very nicely thanks but I would get something else.But she had to have her way.I ended up taking it we were around each other yesterday and she wanted to go get ice cream with us so we did that.I am not angry, just tired,tired of not working on it more.Angry though,if that were the case I wouldn't have stayed while she was messing around.
When I say the things I say to you, I seek out opinions of others. My goal is to help you. The folks whom I sought out have been agreeing with my assessment. Of course, you are tired. I totally understand that. But of course, you can be angry and stay. I was angry and still was trying. If you weren't angry, then there would be something wrong with you.
As for the pizza incident, you're missing the point. Why did you have to have something else? What point was it you were trying to make? She thought about you and you turned her down. So in her mind, and anyone who would like to correct me feel free, it seems that you have been trying to get her to you and when she finally makes some sort of offer, your get angry. Anger doesn't mean you yell and scream. But from where I am sitting you were saying screw you.
Randy, I say these things because I was there, and in some ways, I still am, but at this point I am farther away from it, so in retrospect, I can see things. I mentioned the movie Anger Management. The premise is that you do not have to appear or act outwardly angry, but it can be there.
Finally, you are so ex-o-centric. You need to live. You need to do what is right for Randy without her. That will solve yuur problems.
What the whole situation comes down to is this - you make a decision. Your decision is whether you will wait for her to decide what she wants from life. From there, you go with the flow. I don't know if back off is the proper word because if you decide to wait, you are basically on her schedule. By going on with your life, you make plans to do things on your own or with friends. When she asks to do something, you have plans. This isn't to stick it in her face, rather you have plans and you may or may not tell her...end of story. People tell me I should back off, but I still talk to the ex every day and still go over there for a dinner virtually every Sunday. On the other hand, I do things on my own too, i.e. I live.
The process of coming to this board is a process of finding equilibrium in your life, balance per se. Our systems have been thrown in disarray and it is difficult to get back to our equilibrium point. All we can do is keep working towards that.
By backing off I mean I follow the rules of talking about nothing except regular stuff.We to see each other everyday. She works across the street from me we are involved in alot of the same things together.I know I wouldn't see her at all if she didn't want me to because I have been there.She said the other day to quit asking her if she wanted to do something because she doesn't have a chance to ask me.
Man for some reason today really sucks,I have to get over this and I will not break down and say something to X. Why can't WAWs just accept the love and the family that they have,all I want is for us all to be happy together.Well she just called and wants me to set up the pool she bought last year in my yard again this weekend in my yard again.I am reall nervous about this I have to find some way to show her she can't have her cake and eat it too without upsetting the ship.
Quote: I have to find some way to show her she can't have her cake and eat it too without upsetting the ship.
That, my friend, is anger.
I don't understand your nervousness. Seems to me that if she wants you to set up the pool, she will be over to use it. Don't make mountains out of molehills. Besides you have made the decision to wait her out. You can change that any time you like.
