Well X asked me to keep the kids last night because she needed some time,I don't know what was going on but she didn't get home till who knows when.I tried to be supportive and didn't ask her what was going on.I did ask her if their was someone else and and she said absulutly not and she would do as promised and let me know.This was tough.We talked alittle this afternoon and she said I was pushing her again.She did say that I had changed for the better but she hadn't and wasn't ready for a R with me or anyone.She wants to keep contact going but doesn't want me to push her.I have to continue to work on that.
Well she asked me over for supper last night even after our talk.It really sucks that they make the rules.But I guess it was good that she sees my changes and must believe in them enough to say something.I hope everyone has a great w weekend.Walk with your heads held high because we are the surviors.
randy, I see you make this statement time and time again....do you not realize yet that what really sucks is that you are allowing xw to make all the rules???
You can drive yourself nuts with this stuff. And generally, what you think will be wrong. My ex used to say that she wasn't seing OM and I know I wanted to believe, but guess what, she was. I let it consume me and at times was a real SOB, shoving it in her face. That did me no good. It was because I worried about every lettle thing she did. You have no control over her. Let it go. My ex always had me over...it meant she wanted the family setting and nothing more. To this day, she has been seeing OM for 3 years. My kids have seen him twice. And the last time was 8 or 9 months ago. I could make up what it means, but all it does is hurt me. So you need to stop and get your own life. Someone told me the other day when I find someone, my ex will run back. That may or may not be true. But really, what does it matter. The person we need to find is ourselves. And as I have said before, if we do that, none of what they do matters.
I know what you are saying,I guess a person just believe what makes them comfortable.If she is seeing this guy they are doing a good job of hideing it.She has me stay over at her house till when ever i want to leave and spends time helping and does all this other family stuff.So are my chances better if I tell her to make a choice or just keep spending time and seeing what happens?I still get cell bill so I know when she calls him and its always just 1 minute so either they aren't talking or he calls her back and I don't think this is it because there has been several times we have gotton back from somewhere and she has asked me to check her caller ID.each day is its own and I wait for them to pass.
Quote: So are my chances better if I tell her to make a choice or just keep spending time and seeing what happens?
at this point you are not in a position to ask her to make a choice...however you can choose whether or not you want to continue to wait around to see what happens...
whether or not there is another person in the pic at this time seems irrelevant..
I know that to you it is not irrelevant..but if you can take a step back and look at the time you are spending together as "family" time then it should not matter...if however you are looking at the time you are spending together as leading toward the two of you being together it's a different thing..but still in the end...you are not in a possition to ask w to make a choice...you are the one that needs to do the choosing...wait and see or acept the status quo.
I know how you feel. My XH spends time with me and sleeps over sometimes. But, I have not been D that long...about 6months. He does tell me to move on...yet he does the opposite and comes and stays over. But see, I let him. I do have a choice....I too like you allow him to make all the rules.
I wish I could be strong and figure this out. But, I screwed up royally...had R talk and now XH says he will never sleep with me again. I know...believe only half of what you hear.
Be patient or make your own decision. Maybe, we need to be unavailable sometimes. I know I have been agreeable to all the visits, sleepovers, very there for him.
All I was doing was relating what happened with me. The point is that we have no real idea what they really think.
Also, as LL said, you are in no position to ask her to make a choice. All choice is with you. You have to make a decision to live your life the way you want to live. You can't ask anything of her. The ball is in the ex's court. She will have to make the move. And who knows, she may make it some day and you will have moved on.
The main thing is be open to all of life's possibilities. Expect only from yourself. Don't expect anything from others. Your ex knows that you are there. In my opinion, she doesn't have to do a damn thing and she shows no desire to do anything but coast along.
I agree 100 % and we even talked a little yesterday.She always says just enough to keep me hanging on.Like I'm not ready for R right now but that doesn't mean I won't wake up tomorrow morning and say"you dumb ass what are you doing,some other woman is going to get him if I leave him single"Her words.I am reading DR again and backing off.Its funny how she even showed up at the kids practice and helped me coach and the met us at the restraunt to eat supper.I hope everyone has a great weekend,I will.leavers come home and waiters win
