Thanks Rain. Thsi morning has been difficult for some reason. Your insight is a tremedous help. It just seems like we are a million miles away from a chance of reconciliation. I do make her laugh, and she me. Will keep focusing on that aspect. So strange that we are trying to figure out how to divide everything, moving closer to the end. But I keep seeing small signs of hope. Making a list of things to talk to C about tomorrow. That usually gets me feeling good as well.
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643
dlt1. I am here for you, I am not the best when it comes to advice, but I will try, I have been/still am in your shoes.
I feel the same way, about a reconciliation with the W, but the signs do help, for me they help me to keep the faith, and I believe that faith comes from God, and that God is love, so you never know.
Don't let the whole dividing things thing, get you down, try to take your emotions out of it, and look at it as a business transaction, that is really what a legal separation/D is, nothing more, The hard part is the emotional separation/D, that one is the killer. But since you are here, and I assume reading/have read Michelle's book, you are learning how to deal with the emotional side of it, and doing the right things for yourself.
It is strange though, how this whole DB thing works, you have one spouse, the WAS, who is not happy with the other spouse and wants them to change, then thinking that the other spouse never will, walks away and wants to end the R, Then the LBS, wakes up, sees what they need to do, and makes the changes, for themselves. and in the grand scheme of things the WAS, wakes up, sees the changes and wants the R, and becomes willing to make the changes themselves. Pretty complicated, long, draw out stuff, but worth it in the end. Take Care.
that everything my W has done is to wake me up, to how screwed up things were. I was the one in denial, most of the R, I held on to it, and wouldn't let it go. I am not in denial, anymore, but I am trying to salvage it, if possible. W in her screwed up way, made me realize things, I was not happy in my M, and not happy with her as a W. I wouldn't have never seen this, if she didn't do the things she has done. Things were never going to work the ways things were going, we were both slipping away, and it was just a matter of time, before we both lost each other.
I totally agree, but a gentler wake-up call would've been nice, eh?
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
It is strange though, how this whole DB thing works, you have one spouse, the WAS, who is not happy with the other spouse and wants them to change, then thinking that the other spouse never will, walks away and wants to end the R, Then the LBS, wakes up, sees what they need to do, and makes the changes, for themselves. and in the grand scheme of things the WAS, wakes up, sees the changes and wants the R, and becomes willing to make the changes themselves. Pretty complicated, long, draw out stuff, but worth it in the end. Take Care.
It just seems like the ending isn't even possible. the LBS feels the complete despair that WAS had been feeling for months prior. Faith and Hope. With a big dose of get over it and take care of myself! What a ride...
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643
OH YES! Heimlich, I would have loved for it to have been something like this,
W: Honey, we need to talk, Me: OK, what about? W: I think there is trouble in our R, I am thinking of cheating on you, and then D'ing you. Is this what you want? Me: NO!!!! I LOVE YOU! What can we do, to fix things? W: I've been reading a book called "The Divorce Remedy" and I found their website, Do you want to look at it? Me: Sure, If you are so unhappy that you are thinking of cheating on me, then D, then we better do something before this gets out of hand. W: That is what I think, too. Maybe we both need help? Maybe we should both start C, What do you think? Me: Anything to save our relationship, anything for you. W: I know I still love you Me: And I love you, too.
(And after good IC, and MC, they lived happily ever after, The end.
Now that would have been the way to go, and I am pretty sure I would have said all of that, but W, not a chance!
Hope you like my little fairy tale. LOL. But this one is not over yet, Take care.
Heimlich, I know and it is, but for you, is it over yet? Are you ready to give up?
I know that mine would never have said those things, she holds her emotions in, and doesn't talk much, just acts or explodes, a problem she needs to work out. But there were/are times when we are not talking about us or the D, that she let's her guard down, and lets her emotions out, in the right way, and talks to me, like a human being. A small victory, but I'll take it! I'll take everyone that I can get. The more victories, the more the war is moving in my direction, and soon the quality of what those talks are about will improve and hopefully lead to the greatest victory, Us having a new R. Take care.
Yes. No. Maybe. I need to be alone for a while to figure that out. If she were to walk in the door right now and say I want this to work, I'd almost certainly say yes. Six months from now once I've established a life away from her, will I be that willing? I just don't know.
Until I'm certain though, I'm going to really DB. Not the half-a$$ed talkative version I was doing before.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Sounds good Bro, Take all the time you need, and in the meantime make the changes that you need to make for yourself.
Speaking for me, it's been 6 months, there is a OM, and a baby on the way that could possibly be mine, and I know I am not ready to give up yet. I have put a deadline on things, though. Maybe that was a good idea, maybe a bad one, only time will tell. Take care.
