Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

LWB & LeftinCali-

Thank you so much. It was just one of those times that I felt alone. My H has been talking to me (although quiet at times), we continue to have sex, he still wears his ring, talks about things we're doing in the future.....but that other connection isn't there.....I feel because of OW and that's a big thing that's hurting right now.

Part of my problem is that our 3 yr old has been sick so I haven't been getting any sleep & haven't been able to do any of my own things.....walking/jogging.....to make myself feel better.

I haven't said ANYTHING to H about his mood/attitude change. I often ask myself if I should at least just say.....

**H, I can't keep pretending that I don't notice something is wrong. I don't want to push you if you don't want to talk about it, but I just don't want you to give up on me either.

......No real R talk, no I love you....don't leave me.....just straight forward with how I feel.

Any thoughts? And thanks again!

Oh, and our 13-year wedding anniversary is coming up on 9/3. I'm at a loss as to how to handle it.

SueS

I have said just that to my H, and didn't get anything but an "I don't know what I want". Your H is just about like mine (but we have only had scattered sex lately, its been weeks), but everything else is very similar. Sometimes his moods are awful and I know he is resentful and frustrated with me.

If you feel you need to say it, then I think doing it calmly without emotion is just fine.

lwb-

Thanks for the response. I just feel like I need to say something. Nothing real emotional (if I can do that).

H is at a concert tonight....alone. He loves music and since our D3 was born, I just can't go with him to very many of them. He usually calls me to let me know what's going on. I called him a few minutes ago. He talked. Sometimes it's almost like they get into a conversation with you and then realize that it's actually a positive thing.......goodness forbid a good thing should happen. The conversation quickly shuts down. He did talk about another concert that we're supposed to go to in Nov. though.

The one thing that bugs me about him going to the concert tonight is that he never once asked me if I needed any help. Our D3 has been sick since Sunday. She went to the doctor today. It makes me mad that he never once said.....you know honey, you've been up every night with her and taking off work....can I do anything??

Well, I need to get off and go get some rest. I have to work from 7-11 tomorrow morning & take another afternoon off to stay home with our D3. H works from 12-9 tomorrow.

Have a good night!

SueS

How funny about them realizing "Oh shoot, we're enjoying each other. Quick: bad mood engaged!!!" LOL

I hear ya on the unappreciated thing. H told me last week he was going to be gone for 7 days this week, and never ONCE asked me about childcare arrangements when I had to work this week. I hope your D is feeling better soon. If I could help you out, I would!!

lwb-

I just love the way you worded this. It's so darn true. It just frustrates the heck out of me. I did have a great conversation with a friend of mine last night. She stood by me during my H's previous PA. She gave her opinion, but never judged me. Then, about a year & 1/2 ago, she called me saying that she now understood why I wanted to keep my M together despite what he'd done. Her H had an A. So, she was a great listener last night.....of course we let out all of our feelings but she understands.

I'm not sure what time H got home from the concert. My fears were that he'd actually gone to it with OW.....although I had high doubts about that. I saw his ticket & noticed that he'd stopped for food on the way home. He must have been home fairly early. Don't think OW was anywhere near him last night. Also, I have this horrible habit of looking at his phone in the morning. No calls to/from OW at all yesterday. I told my friend that one way or another, I just need to find out for 100% certainty who this OW is. I'm about 99% sure I know, but I need that 100%.

Well, enough of my babbling. Thanks to anyone who listened. I'm at work until 11:00 today & then back home with the D3. Hopefully she'll be back at daycare tomorrow & I'll be back at work.

Have a great day everyone!

SueS

Good morning Sue.

My best friend only knows of our problems with the marriage (basically H not being happy) and she knows NOTHING of his A, and I still feel her judging me. She is a very black and white person and basically said if her H said the things my H has said, it would be all or nothing. No separation, nothing but divorce. Oh boy what would she say/judge if she knew of his A!?? I love her dearly, but she is not the person I talk to about this. A co-worker of mine (male, about 47 yrs) has been going through this with his W for a year now, and we are instantly connected by our secret (no one knows at work). Now he understands. There is nothing going on between us, just two lost souls, wanting our own marriages back.

Checking the phone....oh I know that so well. Unfortunately, H's is fused to his hip, which is a sign that I wouldn't want to see what's on the phone anyway. SIGH

Hope D3 is feeling better.

I can totally relate to your situations. W is invovled with her father's "best friend". I ahve some really great itmes with my wife and I ultimately think that she believes her life could be so much greater with the OM because he makes more money than me.

It is funny because as soon as something positive happens, she shuts down or leaves the room to not let it continue. Only two fo my friends know what really is goin on and they are surprised I am putting myself throug this. One is single and no where near marriage and the other just celebrated their 1-year anniversary, still on his honeymoon.

Everyone I talk to though who has gone through their parents divorcing tells me it is the worst thing in teh world for them and I can not do that to my son. I still have feelings for my wife but I know the OM is who she wants right now...

NoD, no one understands it quite like the ones suffering through it. My best friend will never understand. Today she actually told me "I'm sick of hearing all of this, you need to kick him out, make a decision, and stick with it". I told her "You won't need to be sick of it, because I won't discuss it with you any longer." UGH

lwb & NoD-

I have one friend that understands. The others would tell me to leave. I try not to involve family...especially his. Mine aren't happy with what H has done, but they understand that I'm a big girl and as long as I'm happy, they'll be happy for me.

Our D3 is feeling much better. I'll be able to go back to work & her to daycare tomorrow. Whew!

Stick with me on this part....Our Direct TV has been out. A tech came on Monday and it went back out again that night. We called on Tues to get someone here.....H was furious because we'd been waiting for 2 weeks. Then he was even more mad at me because apparently he expected me to make calls to get it fixed even though it's his deal/passion. Then he was even more mad because I handed the phone to him to push them to get out here earlier than Sat. One of my faults is that I'm not a very assertive person. That bugs him at times. So, they came back out today & told us that Monday's tech really goofed things up. I took it in my hands, calling the company & demanding they fix it at no charge. H called us tonight to see what we were doing & how D3 was. I told him that I was cleaning. He asked why. I said....so I don't have to do it this weekend....or I mean...so it doesn't have to be done this weekend. We talked for a few minutes & I did a.......Oh, by the way, I called Direct TV and.....I proceeded to tell him about my conversation & my demanding things. He gave a "nice job" kind of laugh and said...that's great. I told him....I know you want it fixed before football, but at least I'm getting it done the day after it starts. I guess being more assertive is a goal I need to put out there for me. He seems to like that in me. He said he'd talk to us later. I thought to myself......this time I'm going to slip in a "love ya". To my surprise, just as I was saying...okay, love you, he was saying it too. I had to chalk that up as a positive. I haven't heard it in at least a week.

Well, D3 needs a bath. Fun stuff!!

Have a great night.

SueS

Yay for D feeling better, and for the "I love you"'s altogether.