Gwyn I see an IC, but I'm even embarrassed to talk to him about it. Any IC/MC/ST you pay is your employee. He/she is Your, and I stress "YOUR" advisor/mentor. You are not his/her client.
If you can’t/won’t talk about something, that is your responsibility. If they don't know what to say or don't have sound advice, that is their problem and you need to see a different IC.
Going to an IC/MC is like hiring a tutor. If you don't learn, either you are not doing the assignments/homework, or there are poor instructions are being delivered.
A couple of the professors at college said they quit reading fiction because real life has situations that are more severe and varied than anything they have ever read in a fiction publication.
Gwyn, I can’t imagine an IC that hasn’t heard things a 100 times more serious than your problems.
For starters, if you are concerned about what to bring up in IC, post some of those things here. You can refine the questions with some input from the forum participants. Then if you want to, talk about them with the IC.
I worked in a group home for delinquent boys. I head about animal sacrifices, animal cruelty, relatives shooting/knifing one another, wild car chases, so many drunk stories it borders on “how dumb can people get,” stealing things and drugs, and other irresponsible/cruel behaviors, I wondered why these people are still alive.
Your IC probably heard her/his share of embarrassing events and is past judging someone for what they think or what has happened to you or someone else.
It’s their job (and that is why you hired them) to help you get to a more stable/comfortable place in “YOUR” life.
One definition that's simple and helpful to me is that love has 3 components: passion, intimacy ( closeness... not the sexual kind), and commitment. Intimacy and commitment without the passion in this model is considered friendship. Since the passion component is supposed to be there on some level in marriage, its absence creates resentment and interferes with the friendship aspect ( this is the state that most of the posters here are in).
Gwyn, Lou is right. If you're not talking to your IC about what is really bothering you, you're wasting your money.
You can say something like, "I've got some other stuff I want to talk about, but I feel embarrassed... can you help me get it out?"
They have heard EVERYTHING a zillion times. Is this IC someone you otherwise feel comfortable with? (Male or female?) Once you start talking about it, it will be easier.
You might try writing out a synopsis of what is bothering you (like you did here) and handing the paper to your IC and saying it was hard to get this out, but you want to talk about this.
Many of us here are facing a situation exactly as you describe.
I see an IC, but I'm even embarrassed to talk to him about it.
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I need to rephrase this. I have talked to my IC about this but I'm still emabarrassed to do so. Actually, we got into a realtively long conversation about this last week. He is of the opinion that my H is probably getting his needs met somewhere else. He hates to concern me like this because some men just have a low sex drive, but that's unlikely. He also suggested the same you all have, he may be depressed, etc. If that's the case, I would never be able to convince him to go to the doctor. He doesn't seem to think he has a problem, other than he's getting old.
So, what do I do? How do I handle this? I'm too young for this - at least I hope I'm too young.
Bot to upset you, but I also got the impression he was getting his needs met elsewhere, either in the flesh or through porn. If NOPkins is around, he'll probably say the same, and would say that all cheaters are liars.
Even when they're showing full remorse and would do anything to get the marriage back? He has really become transparent, at least I think he has. I have access to his cell phone and his bank statements. We don't have a computer at home so that's not a possibility. I don't want to be niave so that's why I'm posting, but how could he be doing any of this?
I have talked to my IC about this but I'm still emabarrassed to do so.
Maybe your H does not feel any connection to you. If you are too embarrassed to talk to your counselor, what else could you be embarrassed about when talking to your H that makes him feel like you are blocking him out?
