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You and me both. I promise, it does get easier and you can do it.

BD

LOL. I giggled when I read that. That is so me, you and Heimlich. The one time I wish I could put my foot into my mouth is when I talk to my wife. Instead it is just diarrhea of the mouth. I do get to use my foot for something though and that is kicking meself in the ass after I can't shut up.

Didn't know whether to laugh or cry after reading this. Still giggling a little.

BD

See, what we need to do is have us 3 talk to our Ws as a committee. That way if one of us slip, the others can kick the screwup. :P

Ah so I have my phone session at 7am tomorrow. Hope it gives me some more hope. I finally done my goals. I'm hoping the wife would let me get to the relationship ones. Cuz if after 30 days she flushes it down the drain, I might as well throw them away....

Here they are, is that reasonable?

General
1. Manage my emotions
2. Have patience; think long-term; when in doubt, keep my mouth shut
3. During separation, make the most of the interactions I do have.
4. Keep a Positive Mental Attitude!

Personal Goals:
Short-Term:
1. I will continue to nurture my relationship with my kids and concentrate on keeping their lives as normal as possible throughout this ordeal.
2. I will be the best father I can be to my kids
3. I will learn to actively listen.
4. I will excercise and keep myself healthy.
5. I will relax and enjoy life and have fun.
6. I will focus at work and do the best I can do. My family needs me to have a job.
7. I will Get a Life and try to meet new friends
8. I will be genuine with my wife and be the good husband I should be
9. I will be the best friend I can be for my wife and make it to be fun and pleasant to be around me.

Long-Term:
1. I need to take responsibility for and accept that I alone am responsible for my happiness and life.
2. I need to accept that I am not responsible for improving some else's behavior. And that I cannot change some's thinking, reasoning, or behavior.
3. I will take this opportunity to make my life into the life I want.
4. I need to focus on the strengths of the people in my life.
5. I need to accept that disagreeing opinion is not always wrong.
6. I will stop over-analyzing things, and start dealing with the issues at hand in a realistic manner. If something doesn’t truly matter to me, I will just let it go. If a discussion is necessary, I will be understanding of the other persons point of view, and compromise.
7. I will concentrate more on what others need, and stop being so concentrated on my own wants and needs.

Relationship Goals:
Short-Term (during the first 30 days of S):
1. We try to be good friends to each other and good parents to kids.
2. I stop smothering the wife with emails, IMs, phone calls.
3. I will not talk about relationship or my feelings to wife unless she initiates it.
3. My wife initiates conversations (any type) with me.

Short-Term (when interactions can resume)
1. We will call each other during the day once in a while just to say hi or talk about how our day is going
2. My wife acknowledges there are some positives between us.
3. My wife acknowledges positive feelings / interactions between us when they occur and does not dismiss them.
4. My wife makes positive comments/gestures towards me
5. My wife wanting to spend time with me w/o kids and going on dates
6. We will rebuild our friendship first.
7. My wife takes small steps to release anger and resentment towards me.

Mid-Term:
1. Our separation ends.
2. My wife decides to actively work on our marriage. Take baby steps.
3. My wife will address how she would like things to be handled and what she needs from me.
4. My wife shows me some physical affection.
5. We share in activities and projects
6. My wife will confront/change her ideas of me being unapproachable". She will push past her apprehensions that prevent her from speaking up, and share her thoughts, needs,
complaints, ideas with me.
8. My wife confides in me.
9. We will start sleeping in the same bed again.
11. My wife takes small steps to start trusting me again and not have anxiety or fear around me that she can't be herself.

Long-Term:
1. We stay married
2. We work together to build the relationship/marriage that we both want and deserve.
3. We develop common interests
4. My wife will join me in planning our future
5. We will become more romantic/passionate with each other.
6. We will be intimate on a frequent basis and my wife will be more vocal about her sexual/intimate needs and desires

DaveJ I am very impressed. Great going on you list of goals and breaking them done into a time line.

DaveJ and Heimlich I recommend you 2 go out or order online a book called "Codependent No More - how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself" by Melody Beattie. It was recommend by 33wendell. I am about half way through it and I am confident that if I would have had this book a year ago I would not be in the mess I am today. It just may be the tool for me as a person and also for my R. It has helped me so much already to DETACH and to understand myself and what I have done to push my wife to where she is today. Us three have very similar traits on how we are handling our problems right now. I am so confident you will benefit from this book, that if you PM me your mailing address I will send you a copy 2nd day.

Ah thanks Nugget. I will go check it out at the local bookstore. Too many freaking books to read. I swear sometimes I have a hard time keep reading DB. It can get pretty dry at times. Maybe I'm just wishing I can try it out on somebody. Being impatient again. Makes it hard when the wife is not around this week. At least it'll occupy some of my time.... It's better than sit idle and think about what ifs in a very negative way.

I did find somebody on craigslist that is interested in going to see movies on occasions. Make a new friend, sure beats going alone...

What a lot we have to do! My list of goals is just as long. Sometimes I score the short term goals but never seem to move onto the mid-term. It's so unfair that H has no goals except to leave me.

bar, I agree. The W only has to decide whether she wants to be around or not. Of course I can say I brought this onto myself. I'm willing to go through anything to save this M. Unfortunately my W thinks that I'm just being desperate instead of it my strong conviction to save the M.

Man I'm having a hard time to control my emotions. Every time I think about my kids, I break down. It is so unfair to them. Why do my kids have to pay for my screw ups. You know what I don't want? My W see me doing so well with the kids during our S that she'll think that hey maybe it'll be just fine if we aren't together anymore.

Are you are coming across as desperate? Are you trying to tell her that your changing? Are you trying to convince her that the marriage will be better, that she should want to work on it? She should not throw it all away. Or are you giving her her space and not pursuing and are you listening to what she is saying "W thinks that I'm just being desperate instead of it my strong conviction to save the M!"