Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Frustrated and More Saddened #3

WAW:



I think you may be right here. But that doesn't make the behavior any easier to take. I did the same thing. But because I lover her so much, I gladly would give up all of that because I knew how lucky I was to be with her. I watched all of my friends live the single life, and I would not trade one day of the past ten years for anything that they "got to experience". If this is about her recapturing her youth, how long does this go on?



You are right on here again. She has expressed to me on several occasions that she is going to be turning 30 soon. Just doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but she always would get anxious when she thought about it.



i really do need a break right now. I really do think I need some time to just process what is going on. I think in some form, I have been living in a bit of denial since this all started. Just if I ignore it, that it is not reality. Well reality is smacking me right in the face. And it stings like hell.

Stew,

Just checking in. Sorry to hear about the W out bar hoping, I know that erk's me as well. It's good she is saying positives but the actions aren't reflecting it. Watch and see if the actions follow in time, it isn't easy to change overnight, just as it isn't easy for any of us to change overnight.

Keep a good positive outlook, expect positive things!

BNP:



Glad to hear you are doing good. Family time always seems to help me too.



That is exactly right. Not really sure where I stand right now, so I feel like I am in flux. I don't understand her, not sure if I ever will. Just have to try to keep DBing and working on myself.



I agree. I still have not brought it up with her. Albeit I have only seen her for about 30 minutes since then and that was yesterday for lunch when I went home. I don't know what the charge represents, but the mere fact that she did not share with me that she was going there says alot I think. Maybe I am wrong.



I have thought about this. My family is very close with our priest. Always has been. I don't know that I want to dive into all of my issue with him out of respect for my family. I have thought about going to another priest though. Just not sure what I would say.



I am doing my best. Going to play golf again tonight after work. Also been thinking about making a change in my career. That would certainly free up some time to GAL.



I appreciate your response and I thank you for your prayers. The Good Lord knows I need all the help I can get right now.

Stew

Heim:

Thanks for this post. You are really helping me stay focused on what I have to do. And I think I am only a couple months behind you in my situation.



You are right here. Don't really know how best to approach this whole thing. I am sure that it will get turned around on me that I shouldn't have looked at her bank statement. I just don't know how much longer I can exist like this. The uncertainty is killing me. I don't know how to bring it up. Any suggestions would definitely be welcomed.



I know I have a long way to go on this. I definitely am guilty of letting her dictate my moods. If she is friendly to me, I am in a much better mood. When she is in one of her moods, my PMA disappears. That is why I have to get better at detachment. The more I detach the less she is able to dictate anything.

Thanks again for posting. I really do appreciate the time.

Stew

Stew,

Where'd you find the statement when you were cleaning? Was it sort of out in the open or in a drawer somewhere?

BD

It was under her side of the bed. I had been vacuuming and picked it up in the process. I could have just put it back down, but I was curious. And I am glad I looked. Gave me a heads up on possible A and a reality check of what my w's behavior may be subjecting me to, now and in future.

Maybe because I'm on your side, but that doesn't seem like snooping to me. Cleaning involves moving stuff around. Papers lying in the path of the vacuum need to be moved -- and one tends to look at them because you may need to throw the paper away. If you had gone through her undies drawer on the other hand . . .

Just a thought, but confronting her may be as simple as explaining how you found it and asking her for an explanation. Go from there.

BD

Well, I just had a conversation with MIL. MIL has been trying to get me to tell her enough is enough. She said the consensus that her family has right now is that W is looking to get away. IF she goes to IC, it is only for the purpose of helping her to break away from the R. I told MIL that if that was the case then fine, but I am not going to end this. I made an oath before God that I plan on keeping. If she wants out then she is going to have to do it. I am not going to give her the satisfaction of doing it for her. I don't know anymore.

The good news keeps rolling in. We have a wedding in CT this weekend. Got a text from my W saying that she is getting a colesore and that she is not sure if she is going to go to the wedding. This is just getting worse and worse.

How are you doing Stew?