Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Frustrated and More Saddened #3

Also, think I am going to take a leave from work. I have not been able to concentrate for some time. Makes doing my job well very difficult. Have started dropping the ball on a few things and I need to straighten myself out. I don't understand why this is so debilitating for me. I have always been able to separate things in the past. I just can't seem to get past this. All I have been able to think about today is that planned parenthood thing. Why was she going there? Was she seeking treatment for an STD? Does that mean that I have to go get tested? What on earth happened to my W?

Wow... I really feel like things are out of control right now. So much going on and I feel like I cannot catch my breath. I told my W about what I was thinking about doing with work but said I would wait to talk to her tonight. She tells me that we can talk later but she is not coming home tonight because she is going out tonight with her friend and would be sleeping at her house. Unbelievable.

Stew,

I so want to write something of worth to you, but I find that I am not together enought to be able to do that!
But I do want to let you know I am here, and I understand where you are coming from.
Also I know how paralizing this can all be, My work is suffering, and I thank good that my supervisor is one of my best friends, so I am being cut a bit of slack!
All I can say is don't focus on her and this latest thing, but think of yourself and you well being, go out, keep busy!

Stew,

Oh, man, I'm sorry. There may be a reasonable explanation, but I think we all know what's going on. So, you've gone from suspecting an A to being fairly certain that there is one.

OK. Breath. You're in shock. You're probably shaking, nauseus, unable to focus, and your thoughts are racing. That's ok and normal. Don't try to shut off the pain because you're going to feel it one way or the other. Let it out.

Use today/tonight to calm yourself down. Unlike many, you have a reasonable opening to broach this with your W.



That's a legitimate reason to ask if she's having an A. You do need to protect yourself.

The pain does pass.

BD

Thanks Limbo....

I don't know how to make things normal... I have always been cool headed, able to deal with pressure in any amount, but this has completely made me into a basket case. Unfortunately my boss is not as understanding as yours. I am in an industry that is driven by attention to detail and creative thinking. BOth of these, which used to be my strength, have now become a great weakness because I cannot concentrate on anything. I really dont like that this has completely cut me down, but I don't know how to stop it.

I really hope things start to change for you. At least your H is SAYING that he wants to put you first. I don't have any such assurance from my W. She tells me nothing.

It is so hard to be out of control, and this is the thing that I struggle with too, I do worry about my job, as there is only so long I can get away with doing less. Problem for me aswell is that I have alot of people coming to me for problem solving, and its hard to get that hat on straight.
It might be best to take a break, this should be your decision, do what you think will be best for you, put you and your needs first.

Thanks Heim.



You are probably right. There is not much else I can think of that could explain this away. And unfortunately I think I am certain there is an affair.



I am doing my best here with this. Very difficult. I have not been able to get past this. I saw the statement at 6:30 last night and it has been the only thing I have thought about since then.



Going to be hard tonight as I am going to be in court until about 9. Then off to my parents for dinner.




I am anxiously awaiting that day when it does.

I don't know what to do right now. It has got to the point where I am completely at breaking point. I don't know how much longer I can do this. She knows I am seriously contemplating a major change in my life, something that I have worked so long for (becoming an attorney) and she won't even come home tonight to talk about it. She has become super selfish and this is just another example of it. I think I am at the point where I say, enough. There is nothing coming from her side of the R. This disease of a relationship that is supposed to be a marriage has begun to infect other areas of my life. I cannot continue just maitaining the status quo. I need to be in a relationship where the other individual is at least as cimmitted as I am. She is not able to do this for me.

I have a lot of anger right now. And it is not solely directed at her. Just never thought I would be here. How can she be so indifferent?

Keep venting here and try to keep your cool. You are right to be upset about the PP charge given her history and possible inferitlity issues sort of obvious that she wouldn't be there for BCP or something like that. Pretty much confirm of an A. There is no reasonable explanation of why a woman with a great dr would go to PP. Unless it was for something she was ashamed or afraid to share with her dr.

Of course there could be some longshot explanation...

Obviously your worried about your own health. Make an appt with your dr and get tested for all the garden variety STD's. Yes this will suck. Prob something you have never had to do or at least not in the last decade. But at least you will not be worrying that you have anything.

Again, I am sorry this is happening to you. Keep venting here and try to use the 48 hour rule before doing anything (like confronting her). You may have a whole new outlook in a day or two.

Thanks WAW. I know that I should wait 48 hours. Just someting in me wants a resolution. I think it is best that I do give it 48 hours. I just feel like I am drowning over here.



That is what I am afraid of. What is so bad that she could not share with her doctor?



Which is why I am hesitant. Although I probably will get some BS excuse when and if I ask anyway, so in the long run I guess it doesn't even matter.



You got that right. Never ever had to do this before, and I don't want to start now. This is just something that I cannot comprehend.


I have no idea where this is headed. It could well be the end of our R.

Stew,

I've been angry with myself for a few months now, once I realized that I had a large role to play in pissing my marriage away. It took me way too long to realize that. Once I did, as my thread title says, is it too late for my WAW?

The question you have to answer for yourself is, Can I forgive my W IF she is having an A? I never thought my answer to that question would be yes, but, lo and behold, it was.

Despite my first answer, I think WAW has a better idea. Take some time to simmer down and get your feelings under control. Schedule a time with your Dr to get tested. Once you're a little calmer, can you keep on acting as if in the hopes that she'll come back or can you not work on this while you think your W is having an A? What can YOU accept?

I feel your pain and I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how much it hurts. However, you're one up on where I was when I found out about my W. You're head is pretty much removed from your ass. My cranial-rectal reversion may have taken too long.

BD