I think Jazz is right, you have to wait her out. Just because the jealousy bug crept in does NOT mean she really wants to make things work. Just be careful. If you do want your W back, keep doing what you're doing, don't worry about her, let her do her thing, let her come to you. Then together set some ground rules - counseling, time together, budgets, kid time, whatever. Don't leave any of that stuff to chance.
Good luck!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
KS - the 2nd quote is "not" mine. As for hope, i try everyday to be the man she wanted me to be and I should have been all along. But i "needed" to date. I was to depressed 8 months into this and I needed to "fake it until i make it". Depression was too severe and she wasn't coming around.
Delia,
No she was not. And she has only been a one or two dates since.
Jack - the 2nd quote is yours in answer to me........saying try it for 15 months, meaning you've given up hope - but you should re-read the first quote if you wanna give up hope........
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Just because the jealousy bug crept in does NOT mean she really wants to make things work.
This was the case in my situation last Dec when I was briefly involved with a OW for the first time in years. She snapped and she even still gets her dander raised when she suspects OW influence on me.
I think it's a power play with them or something. I think they want to believe they are irreplaceable or something, not necessarily wanting you back. It's very much a matter of pride to them. They have big ego's in this regard. She would be completely thrilled if you became a celibate Catholic priest.
I know my stbx is going to freak when she gets a load of the OW I'm taking to my brother's wedding. Many mutual friends of ours will be there. We're not real serious with each other at this point, but we've been out together here and there for the last year. We're just very good friends at this point. Just so happens she's 20 years younger than me, very refined and mature for her age, and stunningly hot!
Be careful reading to much into your W's reaction, it's still all about her. It's most likely not going to change your situation one way or the other, so just have fun with the here and now. If the waw wants to reconcile, it won't be jealousy that accomplishes it.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I have to say I just don't understand it. I've been reading all sorts of threads, about spouses who've gone bats in one way or another--but I don't understand how your W could supposedly not want you, ignore you for so long, and yet be so genuinely upset about your friend.
I don't know what the end result will be, but your seeking companionship elsewhere certainly hasn't done any harm so far, unless it has harmed your friend.
I have worked hard not to hurt my friend. I have tried to be as honest as possible about where I am and what I have to give at this point.
As for my W - I don't know the answer to why she does what she does. We went to mediation again today and she was full of anger again. Reminded me what a shi--y husband I was, but followed that up with what a great dad I always was and that I'm now an even better dad and person.
I hear pain and frustration in your voice (writing) again. Sorry to see that.
As for the situation, Astime has it right - the jealousy thing won't be a significant factor in the big picture. It might be the jolt needed to get her thinking but in the end, it's nopt what will bring W back.
As for the dating thing....well....I hear so many on the baords making judegements as to the actions or motives of others. If we all have it so right, then why are we on the boards? Point is, do what's right for YOU. Isn't that a key principal in Michelle's teachings anyway?
I for one, went on my way, started dating, building a new life, and in spite of the pain and anxiety of divorce am actually quite happy with my life. My relationship with my W, albeit tenuous because of divorce negotiations, in my opinion, is healthier than ever seeing as I am doing what's right for ME. I think many of us on these boards, are here because we gave to much, enabled, some or simply rolled over, rather than standing up for our own needs.
I know you want your W back, Jack! Hell, what I'd do to roll back the hands of time but.....for now, this IS your reality so, rather than spending your life focused on teh future and what it MIGHT being, try to focus on NOW. What can you do to make the most of your life, given that your W is not with you right now? If that means dating, than I say, by all means, enjoy!
