We are connected pretty closely. He did tell me that I put a little pressure on him this past weekend when we were have intercourse and I said "you can't cum can you" He said that made him feel bad. Well, that's not the way I meant it, I meant it to be a negative to me, like I wasn't good or something. I'm not inhibited in the bedroom, I'm just not real public regarding intimacy. It's just the way I feel, it's a private matter. With that being said however, I'm thankful that I'm able to write about this so again thank you for making me feel comfortable enough to write about it.
Now, how do i find out if he has a prepaid cell, etc?
When I say connected I don't mean only through sex. Do you both feel free to openly discuss anything that's on your mind, without hesitation or any second thoughts, or do you feel some anxiety like you mentioned mentioned about talking with your counselor?
He said that made him feel bad. Well, that's not the way I meant it, I meant it to be a negative to me, like I wasn't good or something.
This says to me that you two are not communicating well and are both making assumptions.
Now, how do i find out if he has a prepaid cell, etc?
Does he wander off when he's around the house? Take an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom? Volunteer to pick up stuff/do errands which involve him being by himself in the car? Start poking around. Look in his car, his briefcase, etc. Look in the trashbag in his car. Check his wallet.
As far as his computer at work, there's not much you can do about that, probably.
If necessary, perhaps you could hire a private investigator.
50 is not old. My husband is 63, and we have sex just as regularly as we did when he was 40. If your husband has a physical problem, he should see urologist. If he is not interested in seeing a doctor, then I would suspect that he knows there is no physical problem.
I think I see why you're embarrassed. You're not embarrassed about the content of the discussion, it's that your therapist is taking the attitude that there's really no problem... that you're making a mountain out of a molehill? So you're embarrassed that you see this as a problem?
Originally Posted By: Gwyn
He doesn't seem to think he has a problem, other than he's getting old.
This is ABSURD. Age alone is not likely to be the problem. How old is this therapist, and for that matter, how old are you, and how old is your husband?
This comment is so clueless that I'm tempted to suggest you ditch this therapist and find someone who can take you seriously.
I think you may have misunderstood, my therapist isn't saying all of this, my H is. My H is 52 and he's says that sex isn't his priority anymore and that things don't work as they once did. My therapist suggests that my H may be getting his needs met somewhere else and suggests also that I get a P.I. If I should invest in a P.I. will he be able to tell me if he has a prepaid cell? I guess I'm just not convinced enough that something is going on to invest this kind of money for him to be investigated. However, I don't want to be stupid, not again anyway.
(BTW, SSMers, Gwyn has another thread that might help you understand the dynamics in her M that might be helpful to helping her out on this matter...)
Anyway, I just wanted to chime in quickly on one thing. On that thread and on this thread, you keep making money a barrier to progress on your M. On the other thread, you thought Retrouvaille was a good idea, but didn't want to pay for it. On this thread, you don't want to pay for a P.I.
I'm concerned this isn't even just about money -- for things to change, it will take an investment on your part, maybe financial, certainly emotional...
OK, I'm outta here. Looks like you are getting some great stuff here. I'm really glad to see you trying to tackle this stuff, I can see that you are making an emotional investment, so I'm sure you'll make some progress on the M issues one way or another.
you keep making money a barrier to progress on your M. On the other thread, you thought Retrouvaille was a good idea, but didn't want to pay for it. On this thread, you don't want to pay for a P.I.
Well, I'm not rich and if I need to leave, I need to be financially able to do so. My H and I keep separate accounts and any of these options would have to be paid by me. It's a lot of money.
I am trying to connect emotionally, but I have to protect myeself emotionally and financially.
My H and I keep separate accounts and any of these options would have to be paid by me. It's a lot of money.
Gwyn,
Might not Retrouvaille or MC couldn't be a joint expense? H has made it clear he wants the M to work and has asked what he might do to help make it work.
