Excellent news buddy. It's good to see that you have gotten on with things.
Your W is def in La La land, and like yours, mine doesn't think anyone else is being affected. Her mothers is ill (depression from what is happening), her dad is a shell of himself, DD is becoming more difficult etc etc, but as long as she is happy with OM, she cant see it.
On the other hand my life is getting somewhat better (personally). I have bonded and become closer with DD more than I ever have. I have been able to spend more quality time with family and friends. My work is going really well, due to the extra focus, and my health is better than when I left the Navy in 94. I have started playing "old mans" Rugby, which I enjoy (don't really enjoy the after effects on the day after).
The OM issue still irks me, but I hope to fully get over this with time (I still have no tolerance for single guys hitting on married women with families etc regardless of who instigated it).
Anyway, good to hear from you buddy, all my best.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
My oldest S(17) has been caught using Marijuana! He told my W and me that it was because of everything that's going on. I sort of believed him but W is sure he's just using it as an excuse and doesn't think the D is affecting him at all! She's in fairy tale land because she doesn't think our D is affecting anyone adversely.
Hey Lloyd,
Your sitch may have influenced your son's decision BUT IT WAS HIS. This is just like my W saying that she was not happy so she had an affair. TWO separate issues. Maybe your son needs counseling for some emotional stress caused by the marriage but the decision to smoke pot was his. (Just like it was mine back in high school). It’s not the end of the world. Like I said I did this in high school and now I work at an electronics company and am a reserve Police officer in our city. I turned out ok.
Stay strong good buddy. (I just realized that if you put a u instead of an o in strong it becomes strung. LOL
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I have been "Going Dark" for a few weeks with W. Will be going even darker after this week (finally separated our finances in regards to morgage, bills etc). Still living in the same house, just "roomates and co-parenting" at the moment.
W will have to manage her own finances now (after I looked after all the bills over the last 13 years). So it will be an interesting time for her, since she spends everything she has straight away, now she will have to learn to save and budget for end of months bills etc.
Hopefully it wont backfire, and she gets into massive debt before our D-day.
Over the last few weeks, I have distanced myself to W, other than parenting issues. I have not had her wind me up about anything, just acting "as if" with everything.
She has started to act somewhat strange over this time. She is more "picky" with things at home. Example, when I cook for me and DD, she will always remind me to clean the stove, wipe the bench etc as she is leaving to meet OM (eventhough I always did it after a meal and never had to be told to clean up afterwards). Just to name a few.
Called up about consent orders for divorce, have I contacted my solicitor and have I signed them yet etc. I keep telling her that I have organised an app with him next week to read over them and sign, but she keeps bringing it up and calling me at work.
I don't want to over anylize, but she seems to be ringing me more times now than in the last 10 months.
Starting to get a little short fused when I don't react like normal.
Over the last few weeks, she has tried to get a reaction out of me for most things, but for some reason, I just cant react like I used to, as I am over all of this.
Also with APEC being in Sydney, I have been flat out with work, and find myself exhausted after juggling work, gym and DD, leaving not much time for a social life at the moment.
I wonder if anyone else has had the same thing happen when they have "Gone Dark"?
I told my W I had bumped into her old school friend when I was getting my work car serviced a few weeks ago, and her reaction "Did you ask her out?". Well, she got my number off the vehicle service record and rang me today to ask me out. W remembers her as being very attractive and tall at school (and nothing has changed since, but I did not tell her this).
Anyhow, just thought I would update my sitch for future archiving in success stories
All the best to everyone, and hope life is treating everyone well, AndyV
I think if your W thinks you intend to date someone else, she will somehow begin to magically respect you and see that you may not wait for her forever. The potential to date another will be the ultimate GAL strategy IMHO. You have been a very loyal DBer and a good H. Keep up the good work, if you reconcile, and that is a great possibiity, then she will look back and thank you someday for carrying so much of the burden alone at this time.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I just don't want her spreading the news to her parents (they don't know the full story about OM, she has told them that they are just friends and poss heading towards a relationship. Not that they have been having a sexual one for 10 months).
Her parents still love and respect me more than the other two son in laws. I just don't want them to think that I was the one to stray, re-inforcing my W's decision for a D, and then blaming me.
But, in the end, who cares what she tells anyone, as she has probably made things up behind my back anyway. She knows the truth.
I think you may be right. I have not given her a reason to worry that she may lose me for ever. As far as she knows, she is living her life with OM and has me at home looking after DD and concentrating on my work. I suppose the ulitmate GAL would be for me to be happy and dating, and for her to think "What If", and how she would react if she thought I was focusing my attention to someone else.
