Well... EVERYONE brings imperfections and problems to a marriage. That's completely normal. But don't think it's completely your fault or even that if you had done things better this wouldn't have happened. You could have been the perfect wife and it still might have happened.
But that doesn't mean there's never room for improvement. When looking back and seeing areas to improve, focus on those. Read books on relationships, read books on men, read books on marriage. You can take the time now to make sure you will have a lot of great stuff to contribute to whatever realtionships you enter.
Of course, you'll never convince your husband of this... he has to figure that out on his own. But start working on this now so you'll be prepared wherever the future leads. Make sure that whatever guy gets you in the future, he's going to feel very lucky.
By the way.... a fun book to read is "Revenge of the Middle Age Housewife" and "Wives Behaving Badly" by the same author.
My sitch... well... it's kind of a long story.... but to answer your questions... my husband did move out, he filed for divorce and we were in divorce proceedings for about 6 or 7 months.
Yes ROOT that is what I am doing. I sure hope I can use my new found relationship information on my marriage with H, but am doubting more and more that I am going to get the opportunity. The more I look at stuff, go back through old letters etc, I see that he has been angry for a long, long time.
I read through the first 7-8 threads and totally understood your one about wanting to just run off to Florida. Oh my! just two days ago, I told my best friend, that I am ready to call H tell him he can move into the house, have the kids, the car, everything, and I will just pack and bag and go live under a bridge somewhere. UGH sometimes, the reality of what I have to put up with on a daily basis is so much, that not having any responsibility at all is very tempting. Not saying I would do it, but the thought did cross my mind. LOL
Last night was a bad night, had nightmares about H and the OW all night long. You know the nights where you keep waking up, but then go right back into the same nightmare when you go back to sleep. I am exhausted this morning and of course I can only think about all the crazy images running through my head.
Hang in there.....Maybe it was in the evening air because last night I did the same thing....It was a long night.
Be strong and think positive...I keep going back to the detaching articles that Bob had posted on my thread...When I feel like I am loosing control like yesterday I went back and read them again......You have to be strong for you and those wonderful kids you have. It will be extremely hard. You are a beautiful person I saw your pictures and have a wonderful family it is his lost. We are here for you.....
Have a good day and be STRONG..WE WILL SURVIVE.....
great my day gets better. i think H stayed the night at OW's. He texted me from a different phone said his phone was dead and he doesnt have his charger. so that means he is not home and has not been home or near his car. H and OW both are supervisors and all supervisors are at another location today fo inventory. UGH
Thank you so much Penny. Just can tell today is going to be one of those hard days. Joined a gym yesterday and meeting up with my girlfriend there in about an hour. Maybe that will make me feel better.
The gym will be great... gets the endorphins up (and the butt tight)!!!!! Yeeeeeah!!!!
Before you decide to go live under a bridge, consider Florida... or even Boston. Did you ever hear that song?... below is part of the lyrics (I seem to be thinking about songs alot today...).
Even though the idea of actually moving to Florida or the east coast was more fantasy than reality, it did give me something to dream of. And it opened up my life to other possibilities. Why not at least DREAM of living elsewhere? I even contacted a real estate agent and had her send me magazines of new homes there!!!! Heck, I think I'm still on the mailing list!
You wrote: "I sure hope I can use my new found relationship information on my marriage with H, but am doubting more and more that I am going to get the opportunity. The more I look at stuff, go back through old letters etc, I see that he has been angry for a long, long time."
"Giving up" on your marriage will help you detach. It's okay to doubt it. You cannot expect it. In order to detach you have to let go. This does not mean it's "over" or the door is "closed." It's just you have to move forward and create a great life regardless of where he goes. He's welcome in, but that has to be his choise. You can't lure him back or expect he will walk back in that door.
(By the way, my husband was very angry with me for MANY years. Even if things didn't work with OW he was determined to leave me and be with anyone else. Don't think anything is predictable. Anything can happen).
__________________ She said I think I'll go to Boston... I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain... I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind... I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset, I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Just got back from the gym and I am tired, and know I will be sore tomorrow, but feel so good for doing it. I haven't been to the gym in years. After baby number four I really put on alot of weight. I recently just lost 60 pounds just by diet, so now that I am adding exercise, I am going to turn heads. LOL
ROOT I don't know I would do without your help and support, you are right, I am feeling myself detach more and more. I have to see H tonight, but I am going to be upbeat and happy, not sure if I will let him know I am working out just yet? He is still in such a fog, I dont think he pays any attention anyways. LOL
ok big vent!!! He showed up to pick up our son for soccer practice in the OW's truck. Hello! He is obviously trying to shove it in my face, there is no reason he couldn't use his car. Ok he is just a big old <insert curse word here>!!!
Things like this crap, makes me think he does not deserve to see his kids or spend any time with them, makes me want to plan my move out of town and see if he will follow us. The OW can not move, she has things keeping her here like a house, and two kids with her ex, so if he follows me, it would seperate them.
Yet he didn't leave me for her! UGH. I am furious right now!!!
