Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives WAW filing for D

dlt1, I know all about being hard on yourself, I blame myself quite a bit, in this whole sitch, and it really is tough love that you have on yourself. it can be a good thing.

Glad that you read the link, and printed it out, just remember to read it when you want to focus on her and the sitch, and it'll help.

As far as my dream job, I am very excited, can't wait to start, though, I have so much I have to do, around here, I am glad that I have this week to get it all done.

I am wishing you well on the promo! and I am glad that your W was genuinely excited for you, Mine I don't really have a clue, I think however, she might have gone the other way, you can read my latest post to see what I mean. I don't want to Hi-jack yours again, LOL.

Now this is going to sound strange to you, with your W going on her journey of self awareness, you are right, and wrong, you can't help her find herself, but with you being a friend it will help her, to be able to open up and listen to herself. I hope that makes some sense.

Good luck on the computer problem, I had to go out and get a new copy of XP SP2, myself to fix mine. but it is working now, and I now have the disc. So hopefully, if it ever happens again, I'll be able to take care of it, instead of having to pay a tech.

A couple of quick suggestions, for you, on the PC problem, call around and talk with some techs, they might be able to help you, without coming out, also go to the library, and try to find a book that deals with troubleshooting your OS. BTW, What OS are you running? Take care.

I'm on XP, as is the laptop I'm trying to get wireless. I believe rommie's comp (which works, but is slooooooow) is XP as well, bt may be 2000.
I think I figured out that the prob is the router and modem are not talking. My comp and laptop pick up the LAN from router, but Int Explorer is not finding anything. Plan on calling ISP, but I need to get the acct info. Since roomie's comp has internet, I'm not in a huge rush, just keeping busy working on it which is OK, for now. It also brings out a touch of W anger for inconveniencing, which is also OK, for now. Speaking of W:
She called me back this a.m., apologized for not calling sooner but did not get my msg until she got up today. Said she is leaving a check on counter for me today. Asked if I would stay there Wed night when she is gone. She had not seen her work friend, so was not sure she would be able to watch them, and didn;t have a lot of time to go over the pups' needs. I had promised myself to distance myself from this b/c it is enabling her to have the benefits of a H without actaully engaging me. Well, I also had said that if things feel through, let me know and I would do it. So, of course, I said yes. What really ticks me off is when she told me to get a hotel as I was looking at the possibility of not having a place for a week. But then she asks me for a favor!?! Would like to talk to her baout this, but I think that right now I need to let it slide off my back.
After that, we talked about her plans for tomorrow. She is nervous, anxious, and excited. I validated, gave her a pep talk, and we laughed about things. Really a great short phone call. Naturally, I forgot I needed to ask her about something else I needed. So I left a voicemail a little later. Just need her to clear off a spice rack so I can take it to have for my spices. It won't be a big deal, so I'm not worried about having to call back.
Would like input both on my dog watching (am I a doormat?) as well as my anger at me bending over backward to ensure her convenience, yet she has no regard for mine.
Thanks,

dlt1, First of all your anger like I've told you, is a valid emotion, you are going through a separation and a pending D, it is only natural to be ticked off. But letting it go in a constructive way is the right thing to do, DO NOT EVEN THINK OF TALKING TO W, WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY! IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE, AND I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT THAT!

Just calmly and carefully explain to her that you feel like you are being her doormat, Tell her that you don't think that she means to do it, on purpose, but none the less, it is happening. Wait and see what she says, she sounds like a decent sane human being, from what you've said, and I think once you relay that to her, in the right way, she will understand and hopefully apologize to you, and try her best to end the cycle of it. If you think that this won't happen, then just make up an excuse of why you can't do it. I know that lying is bad, but sometimes to spare a fight, it is necessary, but if you don't want to lie, then find something that will keep you from doing it, LOL. In this sitch, YOU HAVE TO SET YOUR BOUNDARIES! or you will be her doormat, take it from someone who has been there, Remember FREINDLY BUT FIRM!

The WAW, is a strange enigma, they are not thinking things through, You have to do the thinking for the both of you. Just try to stay friendly, but stay strong, BE A MAN, AND A FRIEND, YOU CAN DO IT!

BTW, Since you have XP, there is a book I can recommend it is "Troubleshooting Windows XP" by Stephen W. Sagman. Go to your library and check it out, but first try calling the ISP, then maybe some techs in your town, and explain your problem, they may be able to help you over the phone. Take care.

dlt1, As I just re-read your post, I noticed something about your sitch, that has a striking resemblance to what happened to me about 2 weeks ago.



My W, actually asked me to pick up the kids, early on my normal day, so she could go to a Children of Divorce class, which she said to get the D, she had to go to, and I am supposed to go too, as well, but since I don't really want the D, I am putting off till it either the class or the D, gets dropped.

Anyway, What nerve, don't you think? Believe me, I didn't handle it very well, I got angry, and said H*ll No! How dare you ask me something like that, I am not going to help you destroy our family! Huge fight ensued, and I almost lost my time with the kids, then I posted the sitch on my thread, and Man, did everyone come down on me, they knew I was right, in the way I felt, but also knew that the way I relayed that to her, was all wrong! I then seen their point, sometimes we do have to get hit over the head, in order to understand!

Anyway that is the reason, I had to stop you from making the same mistake I did! I sure hope that you will take it from the heart. Take care.

Oh yes, I know that releasing anger towards W will not help anything.
"Is what I'm about to do going to help or hurt me in attaing my goal?"
I plan on watching the dogs this time. Heck, I'll get to walk them, which is one of my goals! The fact that she tried to have someone else watch them tells me she isn't expecting things of me and realizes she can no longer ask or expect me to be there to help. Kind of saddening that she is preparing to move on. But, healthy that I do not expect to have to deal with a it ongoing. However, I will stand my ground should she ask again.
I am also debating about the Thurs before Labor Day, as I am not sure I will have a bed that night. Could push the issue to stay at her, slash that, OUR house for one night. Kind of a test. Hmmmm, that is the devil shoulder talking I think. I think I'll pass on that idea. No good comes from it. One night on the couch or at a friend's wonlt hurt, since I leave that morning for vacation. Might as well be with the friends I am riding up with.
Good for yo on standing your ground. Sux how you handled it, but live and learn!

dlt1, if you enjoy watching the pups, then by all means watch them, Animals are great, I myself am a dog person, W is a cat person, there's that opposite thing again, LOL, But I don't hate cats, just like dogs more. It was like this in our house,

I being a dog lover, wanted the whole house to have a wolves decor, and she being a cat lover wanted the whole house to have tigers, So we compromised, all through the house, some wolves, some tigers, and some eagles, polar bears, dolphins, motorcycles, and guitars, (We both like eagles, and the rest)

Compromise is the one thing, that when we have/had our heads on straight and put our emotions on hold, we could/can easily do. You see me and my W, are different, but we are also the same, in more ways than either of us would ever like to admit. LOL.

Sounds like yours and you are like that, too. And believe it or not it is that same part of us, that gives us the most trouble. Let me ask you this, Could you live with an exact clone of yourself? The answer is NO, you would destroy it, probably in the first week. The similarities, would drive you insane. Not sure why I am getting off on this rant, but hey if it helps, Then great, if not then it helps me with my typing speed, LOL.

Going to your friends house, would most likely be the best option, unless, you tell your W, and she offers to let you sleep there, then she has opened a door for you, but don't ask, or push the issue, just explain the sitch to her, and let her make the move. (Dating 101, LOL)

Yes, I have lived, and Man, am I learning, Take care.

Hey all, pass this on to whomever you think may be interested. I have a book called "Should I Stay or Go?" by Lee Raffel. It is the one my C had me buy and give to W at the beginning of all this. Well, you know the story so I don't need it anymore. I read nearly all of it (too bad W didn't) and it really makes sense. Basically it is about how to go through a separation together. Setting boundries and rules. If anyone is approaching this point, I highly reccomend this book. It has you draw up a contract that covers every question regarding the S and what is and is not OK. From holding hands to dating others. Anyway, you can get it on ebay or Amazon for cheap, but it is here free for the taking. Let me know if you want it and we can contact each other to get the address I should mail it to. Thsi is a large network here, so you all have surely been interacting with others that I have not. Send them my way if you know someone who coudl use this. While I enjoy selling things on ebay, one of my goals is to take a more vested inetrest in others. This will help me do that. Most people get separated, but have no idea what to do or even have goals to acheive. This is a good map.

Will be back later with updates on me. C went well, who knows what W is thinking. Who cares? I like time and feel like I keep gaining more.
Now back to my comp sitch, that'll bring me down a notch LOL!

Not sure how I did it, but got my comp AND the wireless laptop working! Rommie's old comp now has no internet, but she does not care as long as laptop does. As long as we nevere have a power outage we're good

Delta1 is clear for take off.

Sorry everytime I look at your name I read it as Delta 1. I think it was the last airline I flew.

Should I stay or Should I go....isn't that a name of a song? I grew up in the 80's, so I know it is. The book sounds like a good one, probably one that I should have read a couple months ago. I'll let someone else take it, I can get one at the library. I am so sick of reading about this stuff right now.

I have not posted to you a lot but I have been checking your thread often.

I read that you thought the ending didn't seem possible. (You and your wife getting back together)

I don't think anyone in the suuccess story thread thought it seemed possible either.

I think Bon Jovi said it best - "Keep the Faith" Damn 80's music!
Hang in there buddy....May the force be with you!

Matt

Hey Matt, It is, It is the Clash, As you know, I'm a child of the 80's too, LOL. Great to hear from you, it's been a while, How are things? My sitch has changed quite a bit, check it out when you get the chance. (2nd one in the sig)


Ahh, that music, just speaks to you, doesn't it, LOL. Take care.