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Limbo:

I agree with Heim. Although it is good to not have expectations, don't let your H's genuine (we think) interest in taking the steps to improve your M go to waste. I would give almost anything to hear what your H said to you from my W.

Stew

Thanks Heim and Stew!

You both make good points, and I am trying not to sabotage this, we spoke to the Retro people last night, both H and I had to speak to them, H seemed very certain about the whole thing, so that I am glad about, I was worried that he would run when he found it is a catholic based thing, although they say that its not.
He does seem very positive about it now, so I am keeping my fingers crossed, to be honest its hard not to when they are so positive!
So we will be attending mid september, its funny its going to be 15 minutes away from my house, but we have to stay in a hotel! It will be a nice break, which H and I haven't had at all since this whole thing started back last October.

No real change to things, we seem to be ok...which is good, we went out and had a couple of drinks last night, H said that he is feeling really good about things, so thats good, and I am also trying.
However my little says, we have been here before, a couple of times, so why is this time going to be different? Whats going to make him choose to stay away from the ow for good?
It is hard because I can't help but put some faith back in him, and get my hopes up, but it is so incredibly scary, because he could hurt me again!

I find this the scariest bit aswell. It's only human. But the benefits if it works are great. Just hang in there.

Have you talked to Sara on thses boards? She went to Retro and it was such a positive experience for her and her H.

Saffie

Hi Limbo - see the link below. This is in the Piecing section of the boards...

Retrouvaille vs Counseling

I understand why you would have so many questions about Retrou. I have the same ones. My H has also agreed to go and we will go in September. I do wonder about the affect it will have...

Good luck!
Em

Thanks Edie

I was just over there and reading about it, it sounds like this could be a move in the right direction, the only thing I worry about is the honesty, there have been so many lies that I don't know if H will be able to be open and honest. But I will go with an open mind and heart!

Limbo,

From what I have read of other people's experiences it always seems to move them forwards in some way - it might not be the way that they were expecting - infact one person I know of came away thinking that they didn't actually like their partner anymore BUT it opened their eyes and enabled them to move on. Most though seem to come out with a renewed energy to recommit and REALLY mean it.

I think that the fact that your H will go at all is a great sign, mine has been willing to see C's etc but because of the religious attachment would not do Retro. Just keep hanging in there until your Retro weekend.

Saffie

Really, what choice do we have? Let's take your H at his word and he's willing to do this. If you're closed off, you risk driving him away. On the flip side, if your H is just pretending and is lying, that says more about him than about you. It'll hurt -- a lot -- but being open means we can let in a lot of love. That seems worth the risk.

BD

I agree with you whole heartdly, so I am determine to look to this as nothing but a positive, and just get on with things, I have lived to long now with so much mistrust, and fear, that I am just going to give it up whatever the outcome, I think I need to do this for me, not him.
I have to take my life back, whatever it holds in the long run!

Hi Limbo - Personal growth is the gift that comes out of this whole process. I'll be thinking of you

Slowly