Testosterone is the ONLY known aphrodisiac, so if you want to change your desire, you have to change your testosterone level.
Okay, I know I am the Nth person responding to this little pearl of Cemar's, but Cemar, I am wondering where you got this gem, because I have been on this board too long to know that you didn't make it up. But it's misinformation.
There are several supplements out there that have an aphrodisiac effect; in fact, ImLin just posted about DHEA on my thread. And forget about the "medicinal" route...doesn't the right scent, food, word, fantasy, etc have an arousal effect for a given individual?
Cemar, my testosterone driven friend, I hope you get a chance to look some of this up for us and yourself...you might discover a creative, though perhaps more subtle, desire-enhancing fix that's intriguing. And, if you had more intimacy with your wife, you may even take note of some of her fav scents and such and surprise her. What fun that would be!
How many kids do you have? Two, D26 S21, they both have their own homes, D is getting married in Nov. Do you work full time? No Commute? No How is your general stress level? ??? Up & Down free time/obligations/priorities/finances/mental noise Does your desire level change during time off/weekends/vacations? Now that you mention, yes, much higher on weekends & vacations If you have a ongoing 'issue' with who initiates you can mentally schedule it. I think we really share initiating Desire is an ongoing issue for me, (I asked cemar for help with it one time and he declined) and most of my sex is 'scheduled'.
Now that you have asked these questions some bells went off as I was answering. Maybe my desire goes down when it is scheduled at bedtime during the week. On weekends when I have the freedom to initiate anytime my desire is high? Then by mid week and no sex, I am feeling less desire but then the weekend is here and wozaa... Maybe it is not the absence that actually causes the drop but more the lack of spontanaiety (sp?)
Thank you GEL & BF for the questions, they are giving me some options to think about.
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. (Amy Bloom)
You get turned down? Why. That is a little bit unusual. I have NEVER turned down a woman. There is always time for sex.
Also I don't want to just change my desire to be horny 24/7 but to make sure I desire my H, there is a difference to me. What is the difference? The one reason my wife NEVER shows desire is because she is NEVER horny (on her own). To me the key to showing REAL desire is to show your husband that you PHYSICALLY want him. How would you show him this?
When the adrenals are chronically overworked and straining to maintain high cortisol levels, they lose the capacity to produce DHEA in sufficient amounts. DHEA (the full name is dehydroepiandrosterone) is a precursor hormone to estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, and is necessary to moderate the balance of hormones in your body. Insufficient DHEA contributes to fatigue, bone loss, loss of muscle mass, depression, aching joints, decreased sex drive, and impaired immune function.
DHEA is taken to HELP the testosterone in the body. The key is to get the womens body to produce the testosterone, and then to be able to USE the testosterone. The women needs to have a certain level of FREE testosterone in order to desire. Certain female hormones can actually LOCK up the testosterone in the body and make it useless. SO the DHEA is not what causes desire, it only helps the body to produce testosterone, which IS the chemical of desire.
As far as scents, do you mean like having scented candles all over the house and burning them. It's not helping now.
Then don't have hectic days. Look at your days, what must you ABSOLUTELY do, and what is OPTIONAL stress that you and your husband are adding to the day. You would probably be very surprised at how little is ABSOLUTELY a requirement each day. Stress is not going to help your libido.
Unfortunately for me, I think I have a great example for you Cemar. I will try to make this short. Typically, H and I have a lot of sex on weekends. two Sundays ago I think we set a new personal record thus Mon. H was a little drained, maybe even a little sore, sorry if that is TMI, so I was turned down on Mon., not a big deal I don't take it too personal just sends my drive on the downward spiral. Anyway yesterday we had company and then a disagreement/fight. It was not anything we are going to end our marriage over but I am pretty serious about my stance (boundary?) I went to bed and I had not received an apology and I still am waiting. When H came to bed I really wanted to jump him but this would not be because I desired him at the moment it would only have been a physical F*ck and I was too stubborn cuz I felt he would also think everything was OK and we wouldn't continue the "discussion". There is a question attached here... How would you (anyone?) react after an argument if your S jumped you and the argument had not been resolved? Would you then assume everything was A-OK? Maybe I should have and put my stubborness aside, I'm really regretting it this AM.
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. (Amy Bloom)
There is a question attached here... How would you (anyone?) react after an argument if your S jumped you and the argument had not been resolved? Would you then assume everything was A-OK? Maybe I should have and put my stubborness aside, I'm really regretting it this AM.
LikeItHot, IMO, there is no one answer for this. There have been times where I've followed the " just do it" path and it's worked out great, where things were smoothed over quite nicely, and other times when the " just do it" backfired on me...psychologically, I wasn't ready to be that close with H at that moment. Again, its a case of keeping self aware and knowing your limits; saying " no" is fine as long as it's not done as a way of retaliating. Sometimes I know I just need time to work through what I'm feeling before I can go for the sex.
Cemar, Thanks for sharing that DHEA info. I get your point that biologically it all goes back to testosterone. And maybe that's how the other forms I've mentioned work: perhaps the right music, scent, book, etc causes an hormonal surge of test. that leads to desire. My point was that there are indirect ways of getting aroused. But it's the willingness to try that is most important, and it sounds like you and W are too locked in fusion to work together. I am sorry the candles have no effect, but it can't hurt, right?
How would you (anyone?) react after an argument if your S jumped you and the argument had not been resolved? Would you then assume everything was A-OK?
I would respond quite well I think. Conflict increases testosterone I believe and gets emotions and the body fired up.
It's interesting to note that you were still sexually interested after a confrontation. Something that some of the men may find counter intuitive or just plain surprising if they have always tried to placate and keep things calm in the hope of a possible sexual " payoff ".
