Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Am I better off?

That is the best advice Ophelia. I wish I had read that before I cried again tonight. I hate it when I am the one that cries and he just rolls hs eyes like here we go again. It does not help to show any emotiona at all. It only validates how distant they want to be. They are thinking of getting away from anyone desparate. Remember their self esteem is so low they think lowly of anyone who would fight or plead for them.

apex:

It's important for you to reach the point where you honestly believe that your happiness in life is not dependent upon the love of your wife. You have to get to the point where you totally and completely believe that you can and will be happy in the event that your wife does not return to you. I myself am now at that point.

Is it any easier? Has she responded in any way? Has she ended the affair? Is she begging to return? Obviously, the answer to all questions is NO. I have been DBing only since mid-May. In three and a half months, not much has changed. And most here will agree that my DBing efforts have only just begun. Once she files (I expect her to do so in Sept.), my work will become more difficult.

Overall, things at home really have not changed. But when her extramarital relationship crumbles (and I know that it will) and she decides to return to me (less likely), then I will be in a much stronger position. I will be in a position of control, where I will hear what she has to say. There may be tears and desperate pleading ... but neither will come from me.

And... if she decides to go on her own, or with her BF, or another man, I am emotionally prepared to move on. Although I am not there yet, I know that when the time comes I will be well prepared to get out there and rock the town with my PMA. All unmarried, successful, confident, and attractive women in Ohio between 33-44 had better prepare themselves...

Mark

Why not an attractive woman from 33-54? Think Micelle Pfeiffer? Just kidding. I feel I am too immature to date someone older too, but who knows, I hear Brad Pitt is available and he is your age! I can't wait to have some of that power back and truly believe I do not need him to make me happy. I hate hanging on to that one soul mate thing.

Well some good news. After last night's talk with her where she said she's going to make her decision based on what the OM's wife decides to do (stay or go), I think I can finally full court press DB. I feel like now I don't care.. Anyone who's so childish as to not be able to make up her own mind certainly doesnt deserve me and probably deserves a spineless weasel like her OM. Is that vitriolic? maybe but I'm just quickly loosing ALL respect..

If she continues this pattern she'll probably marry and divorce at least two more times. Each time attributing everything to everyone else. See... she always needs someone to make decisions for her, especially if they're important (Dependant Personality Disorder -- fits her to a tee.) She'd never get psychological help though... she's one who thinks its just silly. Anywho just wanted to update. I"m thinking I just need to get separation and if she can pull her head out then maybe I'll care.

Can you believe that.. decide the rest of your life based on what your affair partner's spouse decides... I think i'm just gonna do fine.. the pure stupidity of it all will cheer me up.. pathetic.

How is this good news??? She basically stated you are her fall back guy if things with OM don't work out!! Mr Settle For!!! Even if the OM recovers with his wife and your wife comes back, that isn't a strong foundation for future success. Good Luck!!!

I know what you're saying. But at the same time she'll say stuff like she's redoubling at work to get over feelings for him. Basically, yes, I know it's a little nuts.. but isn't a little nuts /heads in the clouds how they all act?

The reason it gives me hope is that things like that help me to detach and want to do my own thing. Ain't that what DB'ing is essentially? I mean until they decide to come back. I'm not stupid either, and she hasn't said what the outcome of their chat has been, but she was somewhat upbeat. My guess, is that his wife probably wants to work on it but he's ambivalent, so she's happy because her triangle's still in place in theory. I don't know.. like I said she didn't mention it at all just talked about work, golf, friends, etc.

I guess there's 2 triangles, so that makes it a quadrilateral?? or something.

I think you are right that your W wants to keep her triangle intact, and OM wants his as well. You are standing for your M at this time, which makes her triangle very stable.

Your GAL activities are getting noticed, as you say. The reason she gets attentive afterward and cold later is that she is trying to maintain her triangle. She has to pull you in, so that she knows you're still "there" and then cool you off again so she can justify the A. This is torture for you, and not what a loving spouse would do to anyone. I understand putting up with it for a while, for the kids sake, but not forever.

The only thing more pathetic than HER letting OMW decide the future would be for YOU to let OMW decide the future. So if all this gives you the motivation to GAL and stand up for yourself and your children, that's all good.

Just a thought (and, I haven't posted to your thread before, but just caught up)....

It's human nature to want what we can't have, so with that in mind, play the person that has better things to do than pander to her foolishness. Be the greener grass!