Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? There and Back, #2

Morgan-
I am so sorry for your pain.
BUT- I have to wonder if this isn't a good thing in the way of detaching. I understand (completely) your financial concerns.
Please check out my thread/post about God and 2x4s.
Do you think this can apply to you, too?

thanks lwb. I'm sort of calmer, sort of not. fired off 2 e-mails to H (I know, not good) and have been sorting/going thru more stuff. just cathartic. and did I mention I'm potty training twins at the same time? yep, fun filled week here.

agent99, will check out your post.

I also finally started the book my therapist lent me. I'll admit, my heart isn't in it, but I can see how it is a good book. if any of you are looking for a good one, its called, finding the deep river within

will continue it later after the kids are in bed, but I did manage to read the first chapter or 2.

just...sad. sad that this is how it ends. sad that it is ending at all. sad that so many other people, certainly the people at the lake, knew what was really going on before I did. silly me, I guess I expected more...I still see him as my best friend, and as such, I expect to be treated with more respect. guess I need to remember this is no longer the case.

Sigh, respect. Something I don't see either. That hurts a lot. It hurts that OW would do this to me as well (since we were friends), it hurts they do this in front of my kids. I am so sorry for you and the lake. I know..I know...

What did the emails say? How did he respond?

Potty training huh? Well, you'll see the proud looks on their faces soon enough and know, yet again, you are the rock, the one they will turn to when needed.

I will try to come back tonight (hard for me when I'm home), but if I don't, I hope you get some good downtime and can sleep a bit.

he hasn't responded to them, guessing he didn't get them yet. he just called because he is buying a car today...ouch. weird not being part of the process. he called to get my thoughts on it, but then didn't really want them. he already had the money worked out in his head...when I questioned a few things (keep in mind, he earns the money, but I am the one who does all the bills, etc), he pretty much flat out said that I would get his full salary, he would live on his commissions (guaranteed commissions are nearly as much as his base salary, with potential to be more).

now, his new base is just about as much as he makes in a year at the job he is leaving...maybe $20k less. ummm, can I get that deal in writing, buddy? 'cause that would make my life much, much easier. and that's a hell of a lot more than the courts would give me (trust me, I know the numbers). guessing when push comes to shove, I can't really count on it, but nice that he is even thinking in those terms. so he's an ass, but not a total dick, if that makes sense. lol.

don't get me wrong, my heart is broken in a thousand pieces, but it will go a long way to making me feel secure to have the money thing worked out.

lwb, have a good night

so here's a question, rather pathetic, but curious as to wwyd?

H starts his new job a week from tomorrow. I had planned to have the kids make cards for him on friday, to wish him luck/say congrats. now, even if we D, I will have them do stuff like this for fathers day and the like, but would you for this? I mean, I'm not going to bake him a cake or anything, but is it more than I should be doing to have the kids do this? (because yeah, they'll do the cards, but it would be me telling them to/giving them the idea to.

I would do it. I myself will not do much for wife at the moment, but anything I would of had our son do in the past, I still do. If nothing else it makes him happy getting cards and stuff for his mom.

I think I'll go ahead. it won't hurt me at all, will be fun for the kids. who knows if H will appreciate it or not, but its about the kids, right? I know he loved the stuff they did for him for fathers day.

I draw the line at having them make him cookies or something. nope, he doesn't get my cookies anymore, dammit.

cards no cookies - I agree 100%. Stuff from the kids should always remain intact.

as for the $$ - you will end up with close to 50% of what he earns. They balance the households in MA and you can get it so it is revisited every year if his Comm varies, as most do.

If you two are "comfortable" now I think you'll be ok and while a job a year or two down the line might be nice, i don't think you have to sweat about it for now.

Well if your unloading COOKIES, I will send you my address.

how twisted is this? tonight, the day I learned that he is definitely with her, in every way possible, I am missing him more than ever? how sad is that? wtf is wrong with me, people?

the man keeps telling me that he doesn't know what he wants, that he hasn't made his choice. but in every way possible, except to verbally state it to me, he has. He is with her in every sense of the word. he has told me over and over that he no longer loves me. that he is no longer in love with me. that he is in love with her. that he should have seen things in my long ago that would have made him realize we were a mistake together.

why can't I just let him go? I've told him it was over, I have told him I deserve better. why can't I just accept that my husband is no longer my husband.

I just feel so...rejected.

I know I'm just blubbering today...lots of blubbering, crying, sniveling, feeling sorry for myself. just a stupid, sad, little woman, who can't get it through her thick skull that her H isn't the man she thought he was. why can't I accept that he isn't? why???? what is it going to take?