If partners could face depression together, without OP involved, a whole other scenario of feelings would be there for me. ================================================= that's the thing, depression is such an ugly thing that isolates the person from even himself, empties a soul, the person has to seek help and work from within, or ends up like my H, putting up and appearance of "oK" to let dogs lie and make the other partner think everything is ok--all the while being dead inside.
Sandy has it right, your H is the one who has to decide all on his own. You've already had let him know that you wish all contact be broken right? if not, you must do it in a gentle way, not as a command, you must put your request out there, for him to know. That way, there is more of a chance he'll do it sincerely.
If my H had just have talked sweetly to me and given me some time and space....maybe I would have come around sooner. ===================================== wow, that's really good advice I should listen. Op out of pict but h isn't himself nor come around yet, and me having this aura of 'you owe me big time now' doesn't help (no I don't say such things but i feel it in my bones and he's guessed he's under the microscope)
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Power was off in this Chicago area for 4 days now, lots of horrible weather. But neighbors and friends have been wonderful and pulled together. It feels good to be on tonight with lights, and see the warmth of people here ((()))))
Yes, I do agree deep down. It's the "being burned" when you were starting to feel safe. I know for a fact, well ( fairly sure) it stayed EA this time with this OW, ( she lives out of town and H home ). It felt like the positive strides we had made the last year were a lie since she was still in his life, an EA hurts just as much to me. Knowing they still share a big part that is a secret deception to me and our M. But both of you are right, my demanding a stop is not the answer. I did let him know I cannot stop it, but that if he chooses to be her "friend", I will not be part of this anymore. Balancing the self respect and the rebuilding is very hard for me.
Did I mention how I dropped this one to my H that I knew? I made a phone call to her, the first contact through all this mess. I just point blank asked if there was still communication. It was a very calm short conversation I asked her "woman to woman" and she answered some blah blah about being good friends and how he asks about her children. I did not want to yell or get emotional, just thanked her for her honesty and hung up. Still not sure if that was right for me to do, but the wondering and intuition of thinking was also killing me. I always did better knowing the truth.
I was in many discusions on this board about the "snooping" and still have mixed feelings. I want to trust, I want to rebuild, but need to feel,...... is it prepared? or hypervigilant?
