Lou, you need to get yourself an old airstream trailer, fix it up, and hit the road. I looked at a couple 2 years ago. BB didn’t like them. Not big enough for her dogs so I quit looking. I am not twisting her arm to go anyplace with me. BTDT, no more.
I say "fix up an older one" only because you've expressed a frugal nature, and you're a fix-it guy. I'm sure you'd get a lot of satisfaction out of such a project. CE, any clean trailer would be OK for me. Most of the old AirStream trailers are pricey so I looked for an alternative and saw some STREAMLINER TRAVEL TRAILER http://sacramento.craigslist.org/rvs/398994070.html (just an example) but, anything clean and in good condition would do. I am not into brands or status symbols.
I'm not suggesting that you go so far as to sell your house and all your stuff and move into one of these things; that would be just too much for BB, I'm sure. BUT, I bet you could work a compromise. I know I could work a compromise as in http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/100-NO-RE...sspagenameZWDVW if it had a place for 3 dogs and 3 cats. I said no BTW.
Sa far as money, I have it but the motorhome wouldn’t be used enough to justify the cost.
BB is doing her usual resistance to going anywhere today so I am off alone to visit friends.
looked at a couple 2 years ago. BB didn’t like them. Not big enough for her dogs so I quit looking. I am not twisting her arm to go anyplace with me. BTDT, no more.
you're not gettin' it. no "arm twisting". just do it. it is your Deida-quest. "I'm fixin' up this here trailer, and when I'm done, I'm hitting the road. You are free to join me...or not. your choice."
There are plenty of Airstreams around for comparable money to that streamline. the thing about the airstream isn't so much the "brand", but the fact that they made so many, and they're made so well, there are plenty of them around. The restoration hobby has had a huge resurgance over the last few years, and as such, there is LOTS and LOTS of support. available parts, and communities of knowledge. with an SOB ("some other brand"), you're kind of on your own. heck, you can get a nice new one for the price of that motorhome...and it wouldn't be unjustified, because you're going to use it, dammit. stop letting her control your life.
and, fwiw, we have friends that have travelled across the country with 3 grown kids, a great dane, a cat, a bird, and a fish. that great dane is probably bigger than your menagerie, all by himself. we see plenty of people with multiple dogs on our outings. For many of them, thats the reason they travel this way: so they can bring their dogs with them.
Besides, you can always sell the airstream when you get back. There's always a market for them.
How did BB behave when you took that trip alone a while ago?
Here's an idea: You and hairdog can take a cross-country trip together in the airstream! BB and Mrs. HD can phone each other and discuss what selfish, uncaring b@st@rds you two are.
How did BB behave when you took that trip alone a while ago? She almost had an "I'm lonesome" melt down. She got physically ill, didn't eat much for a couple of days.
Once she got the shingles like you did after a fight. Doring my trip, I would say she had flu symptoms. She was fine the day I left.
One nite I didn't call by 9PM and she called me. I was using a 700 minuet phone card to call her so I wasn't adding to my sister's phone bill. I used 600 minuets in 2 weeks calling BB every day.
BB and Mrs. HD can phone each other and discuss what selfish, uncaring b@st@rds you two are. Laughed so hard, I might have poped a cork. No, cork poping but I did laugh hard.
Lil, I bet if Mrs. HD described all the antics HD does and BB describes what I do, after a while both would get to talking how they wished we were back home.
I went to lunch with our friends w/o BB today. Like the dumb sucker I am, before I went I went out and bought BB a Subway sandwich. She was telling me how bad she was feeling, bloated, tired, etc.
She almost had an "I'm lonesome" melt down. She got physically ill, didn't eat much for a couple of days.
Once she got the shingles like you did after a fight. Doring my trip, I would say she had flu symptoms. She was fine the day I left.
She was telling me how bad she was feeling, bloated, tired, etc.
PLEEEEEZE! BB plays you like a fiddle!! Just do what you want, get an RV or whatever, tell BB your you're going and leave it at that. Then leave. It won't be a week before she's whining for you to come back. If you give it two weeks, she might come join you, but if you hold out for three, you might get to to come without the attitude.
JEEEEZE I wish I were in your shoes. I would be GONE!
PLEEEEEZE! BB plays you like a fiddle!! Just do what you want, get an RV or whatever, tell BB your you're going and leave it at that. Then leave. It won't be a week before she's whining for you to come back. If you give it two weeks, she might come join you, but if you hold out for three, you might get to to come without the attitude.
I totally agree with what Cobra said. If you do have the guts to leave on a trip, don't be calling her everyday. Geeze, what a downer!!!! Make her miss you. Make her appreciate you. Make her miss you so much that she won't want to sit at home with her damned dogs while you're enjoying the world. Maybe next time you want to take off, she'll actually go with you.....tho, I don't think you'll have anywhere near as much fun with all her conditions/complaints/needs, etc. You know, my dog whines for no apparent reason. I've been squirting him in the face with a squirt gun and he's completely stopped. Think this will work whenever BB complains?
I'm sorry if I seem antagonistic over this issue with BB, but it seems your life is on "hold" because of all her issues. Are you going to wait for her to drop dead to start living your life and pursuing your interests? Sounds crass, I know, but it is a legitimate question. Seriously, how many years do you think you have left that you'll be able to travel and do the things you're dreaming of?
Lou, you're a very patient and kind man. I would've been out of there years ago. Sex seems to be the least of your problems. She's squeezing the life out of you (and not in a good way).
She's squeezing the life out of you (and not in a good way).
Yes, well put. That is exactly what she is doing, like a parasite, living off of Lou's life energy. She would be so much happier if she could have a life of her own. Stop enabling this Lou. Deal with your guilt and your fears of her leaving you.
If you have to make her stand on her own two feet it is only for her own good. She won't die. She will be scared, but once she sees that she can survive, it will be the best thing that ever happened to her. She will be able to return to the living.
Sorry about the Inverted Scale... didn't get that last zero in...
The thing that pops out at me... just leaps out at me... is how you allow BB to control your happiness, your purpose and your decisions. For a moment there, when you were talking about airstreams... you sounded a bit like CeMar...
Where I see you falling flat on your face is not in knowing what would make you happy, what you would do, or how you would get there... but that you don't deserve it, somehow.
All the things you say you'd like to do.... I was going to suggest to you in one form or another... but it would fail, because you won't DO them. That is not a criticism. That is now The Goal.
Meaning... you are going to have to practice disappointing BB and allowing her to take care of herself. You have debilitated her, in a way, by always coming in to rescue her. In essence, you are dealing with a spoiled, petulant child, and you have contributed quite a great deal to her state.
That's nothing to be sorry for... it's just something to change... IF you are willing to take control of your own ship (your own life), and in so doing, help make hers richer as well.
I'm serious. One of the reasons she doesn't GO ANYWHERE or DO ANYTHING is because she knows she controls this part of you and your R. At least on some level. If she goes with you, or does anything with you... it upsets the balance of the R, and she loses her power. I'm sure you even help her do this by saying things like... "Would you like to go do x with me? You don't have to if you don't want to." And YOU do this, because in actuality, YOU are the one who is controlling the R.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most, how stressful was it for you visiting your sister? Because of the stress you felt, how likely is it you will repeat the trip?
You want BB to change so you don't have to feel bad, stressed, lonely, etc. You use your energy trying to change her to get the life you want. The minute you stop doing this, she grabs for you, because it is a life she is used to as well.
And because you are giving up all these other things you would like to do (and you've got quite a list there), you work. It's the one thing you can do, that gives you some sort of pleasure on some level, that even SHE can't ruin. Though it does get you out of the house and serves her purpose in some way.
So. What all this boils down to is... how bad do you want to take charge of your own life, and let your purposes and passions define you, instead of a lifetime of habit? You are so convinced that IF you change you are going to hurt BB or end your marriage, you stop yourself before you begin. I hate to tell you... there is no possible way you could know this. You just think you do, based on early warning signs you have NEVER moved beyond.
Meaning... you are going to have to practice disappointing BB and allowing her to take care of herself. You have debilitated her, in a way, by always coming in to rescue her. In essence, you are dealing with a spoiled, petulant child, and you have contributed quite a great deal to her state.
Lou, I just popped in to say that from what you've said about your marriage, I agree with the above wholeheartedly.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
