He wouldn't be mad if I did....the problem is I NEED his paycheck to pay the bills. He would be very happy if I did because then he would have lots of money. His name is already off of all the credit cards because he was just an authorized user.
I don't want to pay off anything because the interest rate on anything we have is lower than the interest we earn on the savings account. Plus that reserve may give me a few months being able to pay the bills.
I wanted to try to sell the house without a realtor to avoid all the realtor fees. People seem to do that around here a lot so I thought I would at least try, but there is some stuff that needs to be done before it is put on the market.
Klm, I know that in this state and Texas mirrors almost the same that I could not take one name off the joint checking account, I had to cancel it and open a new one in my name only. I am still using it, though I do have a new one at a new bank. My guess is that he can't get you off, only cancel it and it would also depend who opened the account.
I know they get really mean... it is hard to believe at times. I will help you sell the house. I am serious. I sold our first house with no realtor, bought this one and did all the negotiating as Mr. Happy as I call him, was gone to Ca for most of it working. I helped the kids that bought our house get a lawyer for not much ( I could not write the offer) and helped them get financing. I know a lot about it, and that older guy that has been taking me out, he owns a C21 realty and is a broker. I can ask him if something comes up. In fact tomorow he invited me to the realtors private showing of the Parade of Homes cocktail party/ dinner/tour of the couple of million dollar places the builders show. Free food and dreams... There is a lot of resources to tap into if you want to sell. You can get support here and probably through others. Think Selling your House for Dummies, I love those books!
I am guessing here, but I think that yours is not finding the alone life so much fun because he needs money to have fun. OR you! He has also been in that military mindset where they provide everything when he on active duty, like meals and whatever. I know a lot of military have trouble managing money. I was just at my friends to see her son who is home from the marines, officer, college grad and the money is all screwed up and he is 25! Hey, I heard like this from Mr. Happy, stay out of my life...so many times. That is what they want, no responsiblitys except themselves, selfish it is called.
About the money stuff let me think... if you do want to go to lawyer you should find a free consult for about a half an hour. Write out your questions, bring your financial stuff. The only thing I can think of is that you could go into court and get a temporary hearing if he did stop paying the mortgage, but that is a last resort type thing. Does the military have a employee assistance progam? Or your employment have one? They have a lot of resources and sometimes legal help. I am sure that the military has something that they do if a spouse stops paying the bills. Just thinking here...
This is so hurtful. I know how you feel. Here we are laying awake at night worrying how we are going to pay for all this house stuff and they are just plain angry and unhappy. I spent some time trying to figure out the tax stuff today as if we do this D before dec 31st it may impact our taxes. On my side remember my H took 26,000 out of the 401k, of which we owe 41.5% interest and penalties to the Irs. Really smart, it took a while to save that, although he pointed out repeatly that it is all his money, he earned it.... in a nasty voice. I mean right up to the half hour before we filed he is like this. I have appt with therapist tommorow. He tells me angry is an emotion and on my h's side still feels. All I have to do is read my journal or think about how he talks to me in that angry nasty voice and I swear I should just give this up. Hang in there, you are doing well. You can do this, just sit tight. Think about the job, that is such a plus. You are a wonderful fabulous person! Repeat that!
Went back and reread your last post. What is wrong with the car? Could you drop it off and get it later so you could work? Can you afford this? Is this your car? Are the cars joint titled or owe on?
Thought about the money thing. He sounds like he wants some money. Do not panic, but he may be thinking of a lawyer, maybe not. I know this strikes fear in your heart because I have been there. Or he is just thinking he wants money. Could you stop depositing your checks in there and let him pay the direct pays out of the joint? Leave it joint, just stop your deposit. Maybe open a free or cheap checking acct in your name only so you have it if you want to move money into it. You can always just move a little bit at a time to joint if you need it. Could you divide up some of the bills that are direct pay? Are you still seeing therapist together? This is something you could work on in there. I also would call the therapist and leave her a voice mail and say this is something you need to do in a session. They like that when you are proactive and then they are ready to help. You are doing so well. I had a month of no cash from H, like a 150 dollars for food. I swear he went nuts. Still mad I took 1500 our of our account. I still have it too, he brought that up at the courthouse. Can you believe it? He starves me out and is still mad. He did then divide his pay in half. But really. This is a control issue, for you too.
Well, I think now what he did was open another account in his name and change his direct deposit. He did say last night that he would write me a check for half of all the bills. I told him that he should pay me half for the computer because it wasn't fair that he just got to take what was paid for. He said he would do that. Now, I just hope that he does what he says he will do. If he does, this will probably be better for me considering how he was spending money.
Thanks for offering to help with the house, we'll see what happens. He said he was going to come do some work to it this weekend and then we'll put it up for sale. It has increased in value in the short time we have had it...so maybe we could break even after closing costs and fees.
Actually H has always needed money to make him feel good. We have never fought about money, but he has always had issues with it. His credit problems happened when he was in college way before the air force. I am sure that the military could do something if he stopped paying...but I'll give him a chance before I go that route.
Yeah, H tried to tell me that the money in the savings account is there because HE made it in Iraq. I tried to tell him that if I had not been here working also then there wouldn't have been any money to put in savings. While he was gone, I used his check to pay the bills and put my entire check in savings. Also when he got back we got a pretty sizable check for family separation that he wouldn't have gotten if he wasn't married. He doesn't understand this. Another thing is that his check is more right now because he is married. He doesn't understand this either.
The thing with the car is just putting it in his name. There is nothing wrong with it. His loan offer is only good until Sept 1st. I have never sold a car so if anyone could help me out with this...I believe what he needs to do is send the check to where we have it financed. We can't just go into somewhere and take care of it because it is financed through capital one. Then I think maybe we have to go to the courthouse or DMV to actually change everything over. Really I have no clue, I told him to find out and then I could possibly take a couple of hours off work.
Klm, I am not sure what you are trying to do with the car. If you want to just put it in his name you can go to DMV and get a title transfer. If you owe money on it jointly that is another issue and you may have to do something to get your name off the loan. Call the lender and ask them, even if it is capitol one.
I am going to have the same problem. I put in the agreement that he would have to pay me the difference between his Honda, which is still financed, and my older Ford as I have always had the older car. The loan is joint for the Honda.
I have an appointment with T today. Another worry, I have 60 visits a year with him and now I am going to lose my health insurance in maybe a 120 days. T told me not to worry last week, we will work something out. Losing a therapist I am bonded to is almost as bad as divorce. I have seen him once a week for 4 years. I am so afraid today for some reason. It has been raining here for a week and the yard is growing like a jungle and is too wet to cut it. I am so sick of the outside stuff. H thinks he can just do nothing as he has washed his handsb of the house. I think he should think about the fact he is going to get keep more of his 401k as payment. I am going to talk to T about that. I think I am going to tell H that if he is not going to help here I will pay to have it done and he will pay half. Only trouble is I don't have cash to do any of it either.... Believe me I think too much...
Just thought of this, why do you need to change the car now? Is it because of the payment? Your H sounds like he is doing the same as mine, worried about the stupid details and not looking at the important bills. You hang in there, we will make it through this.
We owe money on it jointly. He has been approved for a loan to get it into his name only. The reason for changing it now is because he says it is over and there is no reason to wait. That is fine, I want it out of my name anyway. I have no doubt that he won't make that payment. In January he will not have a job and even if he does, he will have a huge paycut. I know I will be making more than him in Jan even if I stay right where I am. He will be having a hard time then and I know it is a ways away...but I have a feeling he will be asking me for help. He better be nice right now!!
H just called a few minutes ago and asked about taking out half of what was in the checking account. At least he asked I guess. I asked him to please wait until I got paid on Friday because there are some bills that will come out probably tomorrow. He said that was fine. That is all I want right now is for him to be a little bit nice about everything. He has just seemed so angry towards me and I just don't understand it.
If T told you not to worry...try not to worry. Since you have been with him so long, he may give you a good deal or work something out. I know what you mean about him washing his hands of it. They don't understand that SOMEBODY has to take care of it. Maybe he should pay YOU for doing the work. Or at least half of what someone would cost...and then you could get someone to do it maybe every other time.
After I moved out (at XW's request) I did not mow the grass or rake the leaves. For one thing, I have two teenage boys that live there. But more to the point, I wasn't getting any use out of that yard, so I did not feel like I should be responsible for its upkeep.
I'm sure your H's feel the same way. They're putting up with noisy neighbors in the next apt, hauling groceries from the parking lot, coin laundries, etc. Granted, they made the choice to leave, and I did not, but I think the basic concept is, if you are the one living there, the upkeep is your responsibility.
The question of preparing the house for sale is a little different. I did help get the house ready for sale, mostly because there were unfinished projects that I had started. One night I responded to her call about a leaky roof, and ended up spreading a tarp on the roof in the pouring rain at midnight. (Despite the improvements, we ended up not selling, and she still lives there, so all of my work just benefitted her.)
No, I totally disagree with that. The upkeep is still his responsibility too. I would much rather be in an apartment...but I can't do that because someone has to take care of things. If I leave then who is going to do it???? He left because he wanted to, if he wanted use out of the house or the yard, he could come back. It is not realistic to just decide one day that you have no responsibilities. He can only make that decision because I am taking care of everything.
Now granted, he doesn't have to do anything, but it is still HIS responsibility too.
Let me add my3sons, I do think that the way you felt about it was ok because you were asked to leave. That is different. I was told not only to stay, but to take care of everything. He wanted to leave to leave the responsibility behind.
I do agree with you, and the difference is that it was a unilateral decision on his part, to leave. The two of you didn't agree on how to split things up, or who would live where. Neither temporarily nor in the longer term.
He also can't just tell you that you are getting the house and he's keeping whatever else. If he is serious about that, you can have him file a quit-claim deed at the court house, giving up all rights to the house. If he's not on the deed, then a letter stating he has no interest or rights to the equity in the house might suffice. If he won't go for that, then you need to tell him that if he DOES still have rights to the house, then he still has responsibilities, as well.
You say you have to do these things because he won't and it "has to get done." But it doesn't. Yes there are consequences, and if you are the one with your name on the mortgage, and the good credit rating, then you have more to lose than he does. Which is why he can take advantage of that fact. He'll let you do all the work, sit back, and collect half the equity when you sell.
You are looking for a job back home, right? This is why I think you need to talk to a realtor. Not that you can't sell it yourself, but that you may not be there or have the time. Bigger realty offices have specialists in property management as well. They could market the house, but also rent it out for you in the meanwhile if it didn't sell. Manage the lawn care, maintenance, etc., while you are starting over back home.
You leave it all in their hands, and they take their fee out of the proceeds of the sale. If you get all the proceeds, you are no worse off and have a lot less headaches. If he gets half, then his half of those expenses is already taken out of his half of the proceeds.
