Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Weird stuff about OW

I hear what you are saying OT and do agree but sometimes one does need to let off steam and have a bit of a whinge about the OW.

NikkiByour post had me in stitches. The OW in my H's sitch was really predatory - she needs a W tattoo on her forehead.

Saffei

Saffie,

I think I was more shocked then anything learning about this second relationship because I do know my husband's OW is very strong, successful, educated, and accomplished. I originally imagined her falling into the whole relationship accidentially, even having my "unhappy husband" pursue and charm her into the whole thing (which would be like Spock turning into Captain Kirk for awhile!!!). And then her realizing what a huge mistake she made, feeling really sorry, and guilty about it, and working towards a more substantial life.

Running,

You are so kind.

My H's OW was also well educated, strong, successful, (but not as successful as my H), etc. etc.... She also thought she was cleverer than me and had much more to offer. Maybe I feel differently and cannot be kind about OW as she did pursue my H. my H's staff have said as much to me. She wanted the CEO in her pocket and to do that she offered him into her panties!!

He was weak and what he did is not something I would do. But she did pursue. At no point has she shown sorrow or guilt apart from the fact that she didn't get a promotion, (she had to leave the co as the staff were turning on her when they discovered the A had ended), and she didn't get my H's income. She ran straight back to the H and children she had abandoned. I could perhaps have some compassion for her if she had ever bothered trying to talk to me. She didn't even need to apologise for her actions, just knowing that she had done what she had done because she was unhappy and that she had loved my H would have been enough. But her actions post A only indicate that she NEVER loved my H. She used him. I know he used her aswell but I think he genuinely thought they might have a future together when he started getting involved with OW as he really thought, (wrongly), I didn't love him anymore. And she initiated everything in the progression of the A.

I have nothing but contempt for my H's OW and she will do to someone else what she did to my H. She will not think twice about doing anything to advance herself. She has no morals. I spent a long time trying to reconcile what she did with the fact that she was a mother and a wife and thereby I thought had scruples and some sort of morals. I gave myself brain ache thinking about her motivations and now I have to stop doing that and accept that she is just plain nasty and selfish and I hope she doesn't hurt too many other people along the way before someone FCUKS her up big time. I just want to know about it when it happens.

I know this makes me a horrible person saying these things but I spent too long looking for a 'better' side of OW. A reason that would enable me to understand what she did. There was none apart from her own selfishness.

Sorry - I know I am nasty about this

Saffie

I agree with saffie.

My H didn't tell ow he was married at first, and when he did she (he said) wanted to back off, but he convinced her otherwise, but she now knew he was a married man with a family, and her H had cheated on her, so she knew she was doing to another woman what some ow had done to her M. So, yes, while our H's have the main blame, do you think there is a real distinction in God's eyes about who the guilty parties are? Both of them.
When I was nineteen I started dating a guy, and found out he was married, I dumped him the very second I found out, he tried calling me, I would not speak to him, he called my family members to get them to talk to me, I never ever spoke to him again. I thought it was despicable of him to be like this, a liar, and a cheater. So yes I could have been like these ow and hung onto a married man, but I was brought up better than that, there are some boundaries you just don't cross. The ow has just as much culpability as the married man does. And she sits on the other side, not caring what he is doing to his family, only that she might be the winner in this little game.

So,if now and then we blow off a little steam about the ow waiting for our husbands, then who's to say we are wrong?
Decent society used to frown on this behavior, why shouldn't we?

L

Yes, I think it's sad lines have become fuzzy and people make excuses for weakness so it becomes okay to bend or break commitments like marriage. Anyone can come up with an angle to validate their behavior and make it okay. Perhaps in the future there won't be such a thing as "marriage." Maybe there will be other legal options like "1-year hook up." People will lease relationships the same way they lease apartments.

I can't say I'm so kind... but I do try to be fair and I did try to look at things from OW's angle. If I would have sensed even a little bit of remorse, regret, caring for others... anything remotely selfless, I would have had a tad of emphathy for her. But I didn't get anything like that from her.

Strangely, I was kind of disappointed my husband was such a poor judge of character to pick this type of person to leave his marriage over. During the divorce I was very concerned about what type of girlfriend my husband might choose, and if he'd start living with someone quickly and begin exposing my kids to that.

In fact, at one point during the divorce (keep in mind this was back when he was 100 percent certain he was divorcing me) I even mentioned to him that he should set me up on some dates with great guys he might know, and I could pick out some great women for him. That way we could ensure that we both like any potential step-parents. Now am I weird or what????