Ugh. I must disagree. Sorry. Send hate mail to me at blah blah blah.
The person who goes into an affair doesn't betray the spouse. S/he very often betrays him or herself. Very badly. The worst betrayal, because if you can't trust your own morals, truthfulness, trustworthiness, self, ethics, etc, etc, etc, then you can't trust anyone ever ever ever.
So, they definitely get the short end of the stick, whether they think so or not.
because we read Nicholas Sparks books and believe movies and tv.
blechhhhhhhhhhhh
we forget that we are the writers, directors and actors in the movie of our life.
we want other people to do some of the stuff
it's all about guilt and years of piling up crap instead of chucking it out when it 1st comes up
YES. And why should we have to ask. Why should I have to say I want you home more often? That crap wouldn't fly if it were reversed. I HATE THE DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!!!! Why didn't he WANT to spend the time with me, blah blah.......
I've been to a bar 4 times since January. He's been God knows to how many bars, parties, casinos......passed out on couches at God knows whose house, in beds with friends and their wives and I"M made to feel like I'M a bad person because I've been to a bar 4 times since January.
Well guess what buddy. I couldn't go before because I was babysitting for you.......and you didn't ask me along, or arrange a sitter, or even want to come home early to spend time with me.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I should have said "Doesn't just or only betray the spouse."
Of course, there is a betrayal, but one that we should be able (hopefully) to grow or learn or recover from. I don't know that the affair partners ever really do.
Of course, I have no idea about a lot of things! :-)))
They do both - betray themselves and their spouse. It is betrayal to have an affair. In the end they lose, of course, but it doesn't mean they haven't betrayed their spouse.
When my h emerged briefly from the tunnel he said precisely that 'I have lost all respect for myself'. Didn't stop him from bolting back into replay, but showed that even MLCers occasionally get flashes of correct insight. I am glad I dn't have to live with that [Smug mode!!]
I agree that it is a betrayal of both people. My W's affair was definitely a betrayal of me and the vows that we made, no matter what the excuse for it. She also betrayed her own values and ethics and will pay for that for a very long time with herself.
