Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy My marriage is hopeless VI

Flynn,
I have been thinking just that...He deserves to know. Though I still am reluctent in telling him. Our W's would flip their lids if they knew we are talking. He is supposed to be going to MC next week, hopefully his W has the guts to let him know all that is truely going on.

TAL,

So am I...I am truely blessed with my DD's. They are absolutely awesome kids. They do not deserve to grow up in a broken home. But neither them nor I get to decide on that. I am and will continue to show them that I love them and that I am here for them no matter what. I want to be their biggest source of encouragement to become who they want to be and to go after their dreams.


I agree completely, then again you and I are not under the decietful spell that is lust.

Yoyo,

Come on Yoyo she is great person, why can't you see this.....Like my W they feel everyone is out to get them and surround themselves with people that will sympathize with their self prescribed agony. My W even claims that a lot of people are treating her differently and have abandoned her. Guess what not all the people she claims treat her differently know what is going on. And the friends that she feels have abandon her tried to hold her accountable and encourage her to do what was right. My W did not like that and nolonger stays in contact with them because they were/are trying to encourage her to do what was right, what is biblical.

Yes, it is unreal how they act throughout all of this. I am still in disbelief that this is the woman that I have loved all these years.

Hope,
Glad your back safe and sound from your trip. Yes, a lot always seems to be going on for me and my sitch. Just when I get a breather she hits me with something else. The good thing is that it will end one of these days.


Don't you remember I am abusive and neglectful. I put her through misery for the last 7+ years of our M.......I know that I am not a perfect man but her reasons and excuses have me scratching my head. I remember a few days after she dropped the bomb on me she said that I was perfect and never did anything wrong and that she would jump for joy to learn that I messed up. On Christmas I got a letter from her saying how much she loved me and could not wait for the next ten years of our lives together. These are things you do not say to someone who is neglectful and abusive like she says I now am.


I hope she knows that by now that I would never say anything to my D's to get back at her. No matter what happens she is always going to be their mother and I do not want my girls growing up thinking ill about their mom.

Thanks for the kind words. From hearing how bad I am from my W constantly I start wondering if I have ever done or said things that make me deserving of all of this. I know not to listen to her, but it wears on me. Hearing this from you reminds me that I am not the bad guy she is painting me to be.


You are absolutely correct. This is one of the reasons I want this over with so she can nolonger tell me when I get to see my girls. It will be laid out in black and white. I will know when I can make plans with them and for them.


Great question... I sometimes wonder if she has totally accepted her decision. It seems to me that she still tries to prove to me that she can get along fine without me. But then again she is buying her new place, buying stuff for her new place, got on her own health insurance, etc... So she is doing the things that she has to do to move on... Who really knows, I guess only time will tell.

Take Care,
Scott

Scott,
It seems that they can sense when we are starting to do better and then they jump in to bring us down. It will be over one of these days...some days it can't be soon enough.
Don't listen to her bullsh$t. She is just like my H. Just like me, you know you put more into your marriage than your W did. I'm still scratching my head also on why my marriage fell apart. In my case, it alls comes down to selfishness and pride.
I know my H hasn't and I got a feeling your W hasn't either. They are trying to convince themselves that this is what that need to do. As my husband says...Dammit, I'm happy. Your wife might as well say the same.

Keep staying strong and hanging in there. We will make it.

Hope,

I try not to listen and let it roll off my back. It is just when you hear negative all the time about yourself it makes you think. Right or wrong as what she is saying might be I am still human and do think about what I could have done for her to say such things about me.


Yeah I believe that you are right.

True story about two people in a M that truely gave to each other. My good friend had a friend that recently died from Lou Gehrigs disease. He had a rare form of it that accelerated the process and made it much more painful then normal. His W was constantly medicating him, working him out, feeding him, you name it she did it all. My friend said it was a beautiful thing to watch. Near the end of his life when he was bed ridden he laid next to his sleeping wife in agony from the pain of his disease. He really should have recieved meds to ease the pain, but he decided to lay there all night and not wake his W. I guess he laid there bug eyed all night unable to move and took the excruciating pain. The reason being is that he wanted to give his W a good nights rest. He could not give much to her but he gave her all he could and that was one good nights rest. I hope I told it as well as my friend told me because orginally it brought a tear to my eye.


This definatly was going on for a while. I was not the only one who thought this either. Most people commented after talking to my W that she was definatly trying to convince herself that all she was saying was true.


Yes we will.....



I get my girls the next three nights which will be fun. Tomorrow there is the county fair that I am going to bring them too. DD5 has enjoyed it the last couple of years. Sadly we typically go right after we get home from our family summer vacation. Well no family vacation this year. Hopefully I can bring the girls next summer somewhere. I have actually tossed the idea of London about in my head. My parents never had the means to bring me to such places and I think it would be a blast for them to see real life castles and such. I know I loved it when I was there. I actually tried to get transferred there a few years back. I had the job if I could only convince my boss to let me go. Good or bad who knows he would not let me transfer. But it would have been fun for a couple of years. Wow am I rambling now....

I have no plans yet for this weekend but I am sure that I will find something to do. Since it is my W's weekend with our girls I probably will go golfing and hang out with some friends. Oh, just remembered my girls are going to my cousins on Sunday for my nieces 1st b-day with my parents. I do have to work some this weekend which sucks, hopefully it will be a light weekend.

My L is still out of town and I cannot get in to see her until the 22nd of this month. I have decided to get the refi of my house going. It will take a few weeks anyways so might as well start now so when I get my number back from my W I can act on it. No use prolonging this any further.

I had a friend today advice me to move out of the house, so that my W cannot use me as a babysitter anymore. My problem with that advice is that I want to spend as much time with my girls as possible. Even if that means me enduring my W's wrath it is worth it. They are awesome.

Tonight my W had our girls at her parents house, so I mowed the lawn and posted here a couple of times. I then went for a run and when I got home my W was home and had our girls in bed. I went in and said good night to both girls. DD2 is so sticking precious. As soon as she saw me she stood up for me to pick her up and sing to her. She could have been tired but she seemed sad. Can a 2yr old be sad? I really don't know. I sung her a lulabye(please do not ask me to sing because I cannot), prayed with her and kissed her goodnight. I always mess my girls hair before I leave the room and tell them good night. It is funny they are so used to it that they will do it for me sometimes before I get a chance.

I need to get some sleep.

Take Care,
Scott

I have the sweetest vision of you and your girls in my head. What lucky little girls!

Yoyo,


I am the lucky one. They are truly a blessing to me.


I found out this morning why my W is able to get her loan. My FIL is co-signing it with her. I know he is just supporting his daughter but it really comes across as he is supporting her in D'ing me. I should not read into this because he has been pleasant to me when I do see him.

Take Care,
Scott

Would you really want your wife to stay with you because of financial dependance?

I'd be grateful to FIL that he is making it possible for your DD's to live in a decent home instead of some run-down rental for the half of their lives that they will be with their mother.

Her friends and family are not talking her into divorce--a good number have tried to talk her out of it, and been shunned by her for their trouble. She has made that decision, and I think that enough time has passed and enough roadblocks have been put up that she is resolved to go through with it.

Scott,
Hope you had fun at the fair. I didn't know that they have county fairs in the Chicago area? I thought that was a rural thing. Actually, went to my first county fair of the year last week. H and I usually went to about 3 of them together. I broke down and took my niece to the one that we all three normally go to.
I think that I might have to work this weekend too. Maybe that is the reason that we are both in this predicament....no, I don't think that it is it...it must be that we are married to selfish people who looked outside the marriage to find their own happiness...that's a better reason.
Wow, London...that would be a great trip. I've never been there myself. Hell, I hadn't been to downtown Chicago until this week. I need to get out more.

Exactly, I think that is exactly what happened with my H too. The wise people will say they made a mistake and take full responsibility for it while others will spend the rest of their lives trying to justify their mistake.

Mike,


No, I would not want that. I would want her to stay with me because she really loved me and wanted to work through this mess with me. But I know that is not going to occur at this point.


I see your point here. The reason that I am put off by it is that my W can/does make good money. He is only helping to expedite her running away. I would not let my girls live in a shack with my W. If I had to get rid of my house so I could afford a place for myself and a place for my girls with my W I would.


You are absolutly right, she is going to go through with this D, there is no stopping her from my point of view.

Hope,


We had a great time. My girls got to see all the animals and pet a few. They loved it. We sat around the....don't really know what it is called....horse ring and watched a few of the competitions. My D5 kept asking me questions about what was going on that I had no clue on how to answer. Despite their Daddy's lack of knowledge about equestrian sports we all had a good time.


Well....they do. I live 35 miles south of the city and just barely across the border so I am not far from some rural areas. There are actually a lot of horse ranchs by me since there is a track near by. Growing up I never went to a county fair, I did not know that they even existed. Once I got married and moved to Indiana I discovered this county fair and have gone ever since.

Tonight I actually thought it might have been funny if I bought a hog from the auction so that I could let it loose in my W's new place to see how she feels about having her place soiled like her puppy is doing to mine.


I have always done my best to not let my work interfer with my family time. There are times were there is nothing I can do about it, but that is not often. I always tried to do my weekend work while my family was asleep. I would wait until everyone was tucked away and would slip downstairs to work for a few hours. They normally did not get effected by it or even know that I was up all night working. I do travel for a week about 2-3 times a year and there is not a whole lot that I can do about that. I do agree that our S's are currently extremely selfish and looking everywhere else but themselves for their happiness. I find it amazing that my W did not even know she was unhappy until this SOB came into the picture.

Take Care,
Scott

Hey Scott.

Stay strong bud. I’ll send all of the positive energy your way that I can. Are sitch's are not the end but a beginning. One way or another we are better people because if this.

Manuel (Husband)

Manuel,

Thanks for the positive energy.

You are right about us being better people because of our sitch's. I have been become much more aware of my environment and how I and others interact within it. I can relate to others emotional pain and suffering in ways that I could never had done in the past. Despite my D my faith is stronger through all of this. I now have a strong group of friends that will hold me accountable when it is called for or lift me and affirm me as a man when needed. There is a whole lot of good that has come from this terrible sitch. It is to bad my W doesn't want to share in all of this with me.

Take Care,
Scott