Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? There and Back, #2

I've skied, but only a few times. I'd like to start up again. I may not be skilled, but I have had so much fun when I have gone....although its been YEARS. definitely go! around here they even have tons of "learn to ski free" weeks/weekends. that's how I started way back when (college). everyone I knew was a black diamond skier, and there I was, on the bunny slope. but I had a grin on my face the whole time! okay, I'm inspired, goal for this winter is to start skiing again...at least a couple of times. hey, I have all this free time now, no excuses, right?

one thing I'll recommend, the place I learned at ended up being my favorite place around here. it has a whole little mountain for beginners, right next to the big mountain. it was great because the little mountain had 3 different trails, porgressively harder. made it fun, and nice to get a bit more secure before moving up. and take a lesson!

I did look damn good in that nightgown! lol.

My S14 wants to go to Seven Springs ski resort in PA this winter and wants me to take him for a 3 day weekend. I'm not the kind of parent who's going to sit around watching my Kids have all the fun, I'm going to join in even if it kills me. I was a pretty good surfer when I lived on the NJ shore, so I'm pretty sure I could adapt to skiing. I'm looking into reservations.

Where is this place your talking about?

I was wondering where on earth you were surfing in ohio. lol. but as a girl who grew up in southern california, I'm also wondering what kind of surfing there is in nj? (j/k)

go for the 3 days and have a ball! much better to join in than sit on the sidelines. you'll have fun, and your s will love that you are out there, too.

the place I learned at is in NH called waterville valley

East coast surfing in general is nowhere near the quality of southern California with the exception of maybe Florida, but on occasion, they do get some perfect swells. August through November is probably peek time. Of course, Oct through November, your wearing a wetsuit, hood, booties, & gloves which is foreign to souther cal surfers, but those are peek times, so you have to adapt.

They do get those occasional Hurricanes a couple of hundred miles off the coast and the wave action really gets exciting during those times, but it's rare.

and I'm sure the hawaians are wondering what kind of surfing the mainland has at all, lol. and even in so.ca., wetsuits are still the norm. I never surfed, even though I lived close to a pretty decent surfing beach. I do, however, adore the 60's movie, "the endless summer," for whatever that's worth. for some reason it just makes me happy, and I love the notion of traveling the world looking for the best surf spots.

H called a little while ago and still sounds really distant/angry. wtf? don't know what is up with that, but trying not to let it irritate me. trying. maybe he's just really hungover...this was a heavy hitting crowd he was with. who knows. learned my lessons on my "maybes" yesterday, so trying to just put it aside and not think about it.

other than that, having a nice day with the kids. have been outside most of the day, managed to do one or two useful things as well.

We went to the beach yesterday, last days of summer. Kids loved it. Perfect day. Then hell broke loose. Don't know how but I am fighting with my H again over trust and more deceit.

I wish I could avoid having phone conversations like you, Morgan. So hard.

It does not matter how much I GAL, do 180's, one slip and I feel back in the crapper.

mk, I spent a little time re-reading old e-mails (what can I say, I never seem to delete them). omg, I had forgotten some stuff. and some of it was me just going off on him. I did have a good laugh at some of his excuses and such...at the time, they pissed me off, now I see how pathetic they are.

I am irritated, though, because H still sounds pissy on the phone. I just called him (yeah, bad db-er) because i figured he'd want to know that I finally found out when S5 was going to Kindergarten (pm, grumble grumble). he sounded like he could care less. not only that, didn't answer his phone...called me back 10 minutes later. he's so with her.

or maybe she broke up with him. yeah, that's it. she realized what she was getting and threw his ass to the curb. oh how I would laugh. I have this vision of him sitting there, heartbroken. serves you right, jerk.

but then, that's just me and my maybes again.

this pm kindergarten is going to be tough...I have no idea how I can continue my much needed therapy. will talk to my therapist next week and see if we can figure something out. I go tues mornings, and H has been able to watch the kids because of his job, but now that he'll have a real office job, he won't be able to. the twins are in am preschool, and I was crossing fingers that S5 would get am K so it would have been golden.

ahhh, well, he did get the good teacher, so looking on the bright side.

MK, try to avoid the conversations if possible...ask yourself this. do they change anything? do they make you feel better? do they bring you closer to your goals? one thing that helped me was when my friend recommended that instead of having the conversations that were in reality pointless, to write letters to him in my journal. I could still express everything, but they didn't end up biting me in the ass because he never actually saw them. trust me, he's heard a lot already, and nothing I say or do means anything to him, so why bother? I ended up feeing awful every time we did have the conversations, they didn't change anything...it all backfired on me. once I stopped, I felt much, much better.

That's a great idea!! I have nowhere to go with all this anger and hurt, I need to just write him and never show him.

SO sorry about PM kindergarten. Can you meet with the school and briefly explain situation, or ask them to call you if/when there is an AM slot opens? My D is in full day kindergarten, but I know what you mean, I would have preferred morning, all around. They are just...fresher...in the mornings. On the bright side, I was at my D5's school today (waiting to have lunch with her, LOL), and I got to see all the afternooners come in and they looked thrilled to be there, so you know he'll love it no matter what.

Isn't it just CRAZY when our spouses spew anger/be pissy, over nothing!?? I want to scream "Are you freaking kidding me? YOU want to try and be pissy with ME?" lol But of course, I just ignore and ride it out, which actually works. But I hate the affect it has on me and my day!

okay, didn't do so good tonght. not awful, but not great. took the kids swimming with our friends, which was fun for a while, but then the meltdowns began. part of it was they were just getting tired, part of it was that it was starting to get cold, part of it was (I'm guessing) they miss their daddy. some of the other daddy's were there, but not theirs.

got home and showered and ready for bed, tried to call daddy to wish him goodnight (they wanted to, and he had called while we were out). he didn't answer at his moms (and yeah, I called there first on purpose, bad db-er). I tried his cell, no answer. yes, my mind went to a couple of different scenerios and I got irritated, but then I brushed it off and moved on.

he just called now and still sounds like he is just in a bad mood. finally I just had to ask...casually just asked if he was alright. its just bizarre, his behavior. again, maybe its how our relationship should be right now, but its hard for me I guess. he said he was just tired, but never shook the tone. oh well, whatever, yet another thing I have no control over and shouldn't matter to me. just move on with my life already.

tomorrow will be busy...getting up and out early, dropping the twins off at his mom's house (where hopefully he will be by the time I get there, he knows approx what time I am due), then I am taking my eldest to the planetarium. can't wait...it will be nice to have some special time with him, and I have a feeling he's going to love it. he's been on a real space kick lately. so trying to concentrate on things like that.

funny, though, I am the one to pack the kids up since I am dropping them off at his place. I have this fear I'm going to forget something/mess up in some way. and he'll be there picking me apart. now, I am normally very organized about stuff like this...I'm the one to trust for this, girl-scout-esque if you will. but I just feel like I can't do anything right in H's eyes so am sure there will be some glaring ommission that comes back to haunt me.

the trick for me is to stop caring what he thinks. I broke down in therapy this week...I just can't be perfect. I can't. I can be as good as I can be, but yes, into this life, some cherrios will fall. and my house, as clean as I try to keep it, will look like a hurricane has hit it at times throughout the day. I need to realize that as long as everything is relatively okay and is cleaned up at the end of the day, its okay. that it is fine. H, on the other hand, would flip out if there was a toy or 2 (or 3) in the living room at 5pm.

not sure why I am going there right now. anyway, need to learn to cut myself some slack. breathe in, breathe out, wax on, wax off.

here's a random thought for you. many of you are from my age bracket. anyone remember, Meatballs. Yeah, the cheesy movie. and yeah, I was in love with the dorky kid who bill murray took under his wing. what can I say, boy crazy even then. ask me about my infatuation with jimmy from HR puffinstuff someday. lol. anyway, remember the scene where they all start chanting, "it just doesn't matter!"? (ooh, punctuation error there, I can tell, but not sure what its supposed to be). I've been chanting that all day. lol. I can't get it out of my head. and it sooo fits. because I'm never going to be perfect, and I'm never going to be OW, and I'm never going to be a lot of things, and ya know what? it just doesn't matter.

oh morgan, how our lives and thoughts are similar!!! I, too, am always annoying H in some way (ridiculous things, handing him things wrong, etc). I was walking on eggshells a lot, worrying about ticking him off, and then fumbling, trying not to tick him off. I can say the A coming out has changed it. A BIT. But here's the thing, I don't try to think of it as "I don't care what H thinks about ___" (add your H's annoyances), but I am going to do it how I would do it.". It makes me calmer.

Don't get me wrong, yesterday when he was sooo mad about my car not starting (and in a bad mood to start with), he honestly asked me to stop looking at him. Uh buddy, I wasn't looking at you, I was looking at my car, wanting it to run so I didn't have to drive yours!!! UGH I pointed it out calmly later, that while stressful things are going to happen on top of our already stressful life at the moment and we have to team up instead of be angry. He agreed, but *SURPRISE* never apologized for his rudeness.

Don't get me started on my dip in self confidence since OW has appeared. Its not good.

Oops, morgan's thread, my rant. SORRY!!! And sorry the night went downhill fast, but it could have been A LOT worse!!