Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives CVA - Angels vs. Devils

PS
Anyone talking to GD, tell him I'm sorry. His thread is locked now. More than sucks.

Hi, CVA.

I am sorry to see you are having a rough couple of days. I know it is hard when your family is away for so long (see, you should have come to FL!).

The current title of your thread seems appropriate, because I am sure it was not the angel that told you to ask your W why she has your son call you. I am sure that I don't have to tell you that asking that question only made your W feel more frustrated and caused the distance between you to be greater. This is also a part of giving her space. Even though she is 4+ hours away, she still needed the space of not calling you from the car. I know that this hurts you, but this is just the way it has to be right now. You have to give her the space she needs if you want there to be a chance to save your M.

I understand the frustration that you have with all of this right now, but you need to figure out a way to pull yourself out of it. Focus on you and on doing activities that make you happy. This is a perfect time to do that w/ your family out of town. What activities would you get excited about and help get your mind off your sitch?

The next phone call to your family needs to be from the high PMA CVA, who is pumped up about the things he is doing for himself. Your family also needs to come home to this CVA w/ a good PMA.

On another note, I know it is easy to be concerned about if you would ever find someone else in the event of your M ending. But really, that is not something you need to be concerned about right now because you are still married. You are on this site to save your M. So, don't worry about who you might date if your M ends. That stuff will work itself out when and if it ever needs to.

Take care of you!

Thanks Kat
Yes, I know, Mr. PMA will be the next person she hears and from now on out. It wasnt like I was a jerk or even down, just not Happy Go Lucky CVA.

CVA, I totally understand about the kids, to me that one is the hardest, even though now I have them more than my W, starting this week, Yaaaaa! I used to be with them 24/7 was pretty much a stay at home dad, so the weekend thing, really sucks, and knowing that the OM, is trying to replace me in their hearts, makes it even worse, but I know if I ever want things to be right, I have to detach a little to them, as well.

I feel like my W is almost exactly the same as yours, in her own little world and sees me as more of an interference than the friend I am trying to be. It's still is a mystery to me, how you can be with someone for so many years, and then they all of a suddenly decide that they don't want you to exist. But hey I do, exist, I am the kids father, I am still her husband, and even when/if the D is final I will still be in her life, So she just better get used to it. You know I heard a song the other day, and it really hit me, it was called, "Hate Me If You Want To, but Love Me If You Can" or something like that, Now that song, is just how I feel about my W.

The affair with the OM, is still going on, it's been about 6 months, but just as I know that their R, is starting to dwindle, she realizes that I am not going away, I still love her, and that is that, He is the true interference, not me! And that is the way my kids will always treat him, no matter what he does, they know he doesn't belong there. So sooner or later, she is going to wake up, or maybe he will get a freaking brain, and realize that. Though, since the truth has been revealed that he is using her, it may take some time for her, he's obliviously the type that will use someone till they have had enough, so it is going to have to be her, and I can't tell her she has to see it for herself, which I do believe she is, slowly. Sorry about that, didn't mean to use your thread to rant about that, kind of got carried away. I just wanted to try to explain the similarities of our sitches.

So remember that you do exist, and more than that you are a good person and a great dad, It takes one to know one, you know. Peace to you. Take care.

Thanks Rain
You hang in there. You should be proud of yourself for your fortitude given the OM issue. Can't say I would be that understanding.

Have a good day my friend.

Thanks CVA, You do the same, talk with you later. Take care.

CVA,

Just read Kat's response, didn't mean to suggest that you should give up or be thinking of dating. My thoughts weren't entirely clear on that.

Haven't seen 300 yet. Had to laugh a bit when I see the previews and Leonidus is talking about defending Greece for a new growth of democracy. Sparta was a slave society (even more than Athens at the time). I hate incorrect historical references. Grrrr.

BD

Hi H.
No worries, I have no plans to do anything like dating or even thinking about it. Those thoughts were in the deepest recesses of my mind and they sort of just popped out. Everything is cool.

I did not know that history. They did make it look like a noble effort fighting the Persians. The women were hot too.!

Oh well, work to do.

Yeah, funny how that works. I've been having dating paranoia thoughts as well and I'm nowhere close to moving on. Maybe it's kindof a random fear that's far in the future to distract ourselves from the fear of the immediate R failing.

Oh, and the treatment of Greek women. Awful. Married women had to stay in the home, almost always. Dinners were separate. the only educated women were, oh, I can't remember the proper name, but basically a combo of high-end prostitute and geisha. Sorry, frustrated history major here.

BD

Geisha, hmmmmm..........jk ladies!