Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE DIVORCE REMEDY How do you know when it's time to give up

Dear Paul,
Have some time now - read things more closely. Lots of comments to make hope it helps. First, your W is seeing changes as you suggest and she will believe them when they last. If she didn't have any intention of working things out -she would have said something about the changes and how they never last. Not commenting is just as loud a comment. I think you said that you were doing the NC things which is different and reminding her that you love her is always important.
Second, you said that you had a good day... enjoy... it happens. She is able to admit things because she has the time and space to think. Women know how they feel - they need time to recognize what they think and then how to integrate the two in making a decision.
I wasn't clear about why you thought your timing was off?
Third, she is your W - you don't have to compete with OM - that is their job - to figure out to get her - you already do and you know how to keep her - just do it.
Fourth, she does not have all the cards, it takes two to have a R - you each have something for the other. Use what you have -else you would not have been a couple in the first place.
Hang in there. You are doing fine! Read more of the stories in here and see what you can learn. Keep posting for more support. Everyone is great and has something to offer. Check in later.

I have to apologize. I am not being clear. You have been the most open-minded person on here! Those things she said were months ago before she started dating. I am so far beyond that now. She has been dating many guys and has made it very clear that she has no intention of getting back together at all she wants to move on.. I have trouble getting things in the right time line. She is seeing someone and won't talk to me unless absolutely necessary. So let me tell the time line. She was upset with me and asked me to leave so I did a few days later she said she felt she had felt bad about kicking me out and I told her I was sorry for my mistakes, she then said she wanted some time to sort herself out I was amazed cause I didn't think she knew her part. I was so shocked that she did admit her part it impressed me for the first time in a long time at least 6 months. So instead of just backing off then and giving space I chased her, tried to convince her that we could be ok and pressured her to the point that she just became more angry. I knew our chances of sticking together were better with the economy being how it was so that was my motive love aside because I love her as much as a person can! So the pressure turned her off and she insisted that she didn’t want to see me. Her friends told her to dump me that we have been through this to many times. I have always been accepting to her but she would always push for more from me to the point were it didn't matter what I did it was wrong. I became upset with her near the end and shut down myself so she was not happy, she tried a few things to cheer me up but I was not able to over come the lack of understanding from her and came off angry. I wasn't angry with her I was angry with myself! She said she was miserable and I was to?! So she stared to make up so many excuses to split up again (this is something we talked about before we got back together again that she wouldn't do this) that I couldn't even keep track of what she was complaining about. Long story short ahe said she wanted time and I pushed her for getting back together faster. She also thought I was seeing someone and at first it worried her, I told her that if I am not here with you were I want to be then I might go try other things. At some point she got more pissed and said ok well I can't talk to you for a while, then I find out her friend talked her into going to online dating! She went nuts with it and started dating. Well I created my own problem. She of course had fun with it. We hadn't been out for months because money was tight and I had a personal injury to recover from. So anything would be better then our everyday routine. Now she does not care what I am doing, has said go ahead and move on. I have never felt this kind of distance from her. Close but not the same. When I tried to make up with her over the first month I had only a few small break thoughts but doing this also backfired. I was not pushing everyday but when I would see her I would try something to remind her of something of our past and find the warm person I knew, it didn’t work well. I tried to send an email after not talking to her for sometime and said that I still loved her and this was my mistake and so she sent one back saying she is moving on and I should to, but would probably always love me and care for me but she does not want to stay home and be miserable at home alone! Well that’s what she said when we were together about being miserable LOL. So it’s hard for me to get across to people in here the complexity of how messed up this is. As things are she is having fun doing this dating it’s new and thinks that things will be better even when she has already seen how it is also a mistake. I know people In here have been through these things but when she is not willing to face the facts of what she is up to… and nothing I can do about it… ouch…. it's been a little over three months.. and already seeing someone.. I just can't get that...

I know I am the one who has been telling others it isn't too late and time means everything - but I am having a bad day and questioning myself big time. Just thought I would admit it.

Hmm... Hang in there. I have those days. Did yesterday and this morning but fighting through it now. Maybe it's the weather?

At any rate, hang in there. You didn't get in this situation overnight and it won't go away overnight.

I haven't seen your thread. Are you GAL'ng?

Time is important in healing. It sounds cliche, but it is important.

Keep your eye on the goals and not the day to day and know that people such as myself are here to offer support. We'll get through this

AJ

Hi M,
There are two threads which I use the most to talk about my stuff the others, like this one I was just offering support to others. My threads: Lonely and losing hope, and walk away spouse.
You can click on my name and it will take you to my posts if that is quicker.