Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives CVA - Angels vs. Devils

I think everyone going through this thinks the same thing. Try not to dwell on it, b/c it's only going to make you crazy. Just know that there was a reason that your wife was attracted to you, so there's going to be others that are as well.

Thanks BB

your welcome and y'all can call me Mandi b/c when I see BB or bella I have to think who y'all are talking to. Not trying to get too personal.

Please, for those who dont know me or are thinking I am doing so great, dont read below. I am about to rant and rave, and yes, I am feeling angry. Nothing I wont get over, just need to do it.

Just got off the phone w/ W. Did not have the greatest PMA. I am just so pissed off that when she is out of town, she doesnt have the courtesy to return my call. A friend returns a call. I dont rank, ill bet if her BFF called her, she would return the freaking call.

So she says, "oh, we went to church w/ sister and BIl, gee, no kidding, what a shocker. You do things when your there and not when your here. I have been trying to get her to go to church here for a while, her excuse is, "its too early and the kids fight, blah, blah, blah"...right now, I am tired of being treated like I dont matter or count. I know if it were up to her, she would just move back to Dallas to her family and leave me here alone. I guarantee if I threw that out as an option, she would do it. I feel nothing from her. Nothing.

I know, I know, everyone is going to tell me, just detach, dont call, DB...I can assure you, I do that and I am the bad guy because I would be changing the unspoken rules we have going on. I feel used and completely neglected. I am just getting angry right now because I dont see a "roadmap" to anything let alone happiness, whatever that means.

Sure, Ill be in shape, see my kids, do things for me etc. Why, because thats all there will be, me. Remember the jaded I talked about above, I think my biggest fear is that I will be so jaded I will never trust anyone again, let alone my Wife.

Tbis whole thing started falling apart again because she started LYING to me about little stuff like clothes purchases. Flat out lying. I am slipping here obviously and dont know how to get out of it.

Funny how everyone except my W and her family seem to see what CVA has been through, she could give a rats ass whether I healed or not. I think the only reason she stuck around as long as she did was because of money. That makes me so angry and hurt I could just scream at her. Since this happened, and really while I was recuperating, she has not asked me how I was unless I said something. So much for better or worse (only better as it suites her), richer (I guess only richer) or poorer, in sickness and in health (apparently only health)

I havent been this angry in a while. I feel like just calling her back and letting it rip. I wont, but I would like to.

Did she do anything, no. That is the point. She has done NOTHING about our R. Nothhing. Free ride, that is what I see. When she gets home its, well, get out of my house.

Our kids (and if I were her I would refer to them as "MY" kids) are now calling our bedroom / bathroom, "Mommy's bedroom / bathroom". It is all I can do not to correct them everytime.

She goes out w/ friends. Thanks for babysitting, now leave.

"did anyone call I ask" "No". So I call someone that should of called and they say, "oh, I talked to your wife". WTF.

She now opens all the mail as it relates to finances. Just come out and ask me what the deal is. HAVE SOME BALLS. For cryin ouyt loud, be a "Fing" grown up. If you want to take control of your life and throw me out, just ask me what the deal is. Your not going to figure it out looking at some statement that is a month behind. By the time she reads those, she has spent $000s of dollars on BS for herself. Well guess what, I can go blow all sorts of money, 1/2 of which is hers. But I dont.

I just dont get it anymore. WAW are so F'd up that there is no hope because how can I ever trust her again. There will always be that nagging feeling that gee, today, she may call and tell me to get out. Yes it is self fulfilling. Why shouldnt she apologize for anything ever? I dont get that part. She never has and I suspect never will.

Why am I doing this to myself. I feel like a fool again. If I made no effort to make conversation or contact, there would be NONE unless she NEEDED something. Its amazing she doesnt see that she is acting just like my brothers and sister that whenever they would call they NEEDED something, which is why I broke off all contact.

She basically said she would not be married to me if we had not left Dallas. So the only reason she is married to me is logistics??? Right now all I hear in my head is "DID I SETTLE FOR CVA?" Nice, that's pretty tough to recover from and without her admitting some of the stuff I know she wrote down and apologizing to me, I dont know if I will ever trust her that when if she were to say ILY again, that it was real. DID I SETTLE? Yeah, you settled. I suck, 4 beautiful kid, not so bad looking guy who earns a nice living, never told you NO to anything you actually ever asked me for / do. But I am the controlling [censored] who it is now time to leave because hey, I get 1/2 and can keep the lifestyle I have and not have jerkoff around? I'll just go get another one. Gee if things get tight on money, I'll just adjust our lifestyle and go back to work! Yeah, you do that. You will be living in a shanti inside of 3 years at the rate you are spending sweetheart.


CVA is down, CVA needs to get a grip, CVA need to reevaluate, CVA needs to probably not tell W anything about anything till she actually invests into our R again or CVA will be going through more of the above. CVA does not want to be in this dark place much longer. Bootstraps, PULL, GRIP, PULL HEAD OUT OF ASS, YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR KIDS, THEY WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR KIDS NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WILL NOT BE REPLACED AS DAD!

OK, I am done. Not sure any of that helped.

CVA, man, do I hear you. This sucks. Period. Your wife doesn't get it, may never get it. You may never see her on her knees begging for forgiveness for what she's already put you and your kids through, let alone a D. She may walk away and never look back.

And you can always say these things to her face, someday, when it's all over. But you can never, ever un-say them, and I'm not sure you're there yet. Tread lightly, know that you're doing all this for your kids and yourself, and vent here all you like. I don't think you're doing any worse for having read this. You're in hell right now, and you won't be there forever. It WILL get better. Maybe not today, but it will. Take care.

PS
I am so angry about her going to Church in Dallas, I am beside myself. All the excuses whioh I thought were valid here, MORE LIES. "I dont connect w/ what the pastor is saying, I dont want to hear the kids whining about going" Gee, apparently all that is no problem when you are around your family. I have really hit on my issue now, LYING. I dont think I ever will know if "no" means "no", yes means no, "I dont know" means screw you, whatever. I think whatever she says to me that might sound good, is really just her protecting herself from how she perceives I might react and not the truth, ever.

THanks Puddle. I needed one of you with a frying pan to hit me as I got off on my tangent. I will get out of it.

I hear you CVA, I think I'm at the same point you are.

Group Hug! Hug it out! OK?

Ok.:)