You are right bb, I know you are right. Get out of the house has been my mantra for 2 weeks now and he's noticed. He says I'm having a ggod time and not taking him seriously. I worry that my GALing has gone too far and he thinks I just don't care. Trouble is he 'works' from home so it's difficult getting busy when I'm at home. I don't relish the role of housekeeper too much.
The other day he was looking for me and couldn't find me as I have a large garden and was reading behind a big shrub. It was really funny to see him pursuing me for a change!
Hi BB! Hope you are well. And, yes, the SEC is still the most powerful! (Mind if we hijack a bit more?)
Hi bar,
Do you have your own thread?
Originally Posted By: bar
Hi Nomopo My H hasn't left yet but I think it's coming. I plan not to contact him but to be upbeat if he contacts me. My problem will be that our adult son lives with me and I am sure my H will ask him about me. I am going to have to keep being upbeat so my son doesn't report negative behaviours to his father. This will be hard. I'd love to be able to let go and scream the house down and get pissed out of my mind. Having said that my son is often out so I suppose I'd manage. I don't really want to involve my son unnecessarily.
Everything you say you plan to do and how you say you will handle this is perfect. If oyu need to get a away to scream and let it out somewhere on your own, do it. It's normal. But try your hardest to be as happy, positive, upbeat, stable and fun around H. It's hard and you will slip up. Don't worry about it. Recognize it, and then get back on your horse and try again.
Originally Posted By: bar
He says I'm having a ggod time and not taking him seriously. I worry that my GALing has gone too far and he thinks I just don't care.
What does he think you don't take him seriously about? This is probably very important. He likely needs to feel that what he is struggling with is understood (validated) by you. If you could do that without getting into an R talk or your needs, it could be good. The key is to say I understand compassionately when he tells you what he feels (or whatever you are not taking seriously), and not trying/pushing for more.
Originally Posted By: bar
The other day he was looking for me and couldn't find me as I have a large garden and was reading behind a big shrub. It was really funny to see him pursuing me for a change!
Well this is good. But he almost certainly needs to be validated (especially if that is part of what led you two apart in the first place) if he feels understood by you.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
You really encourage me and you write a lot of sense. There's precious little of that about and I always end up thinking I don't make sense. Maybe I am deluded or is it H and OW?
Taking him seriously means H wants me to believe our M is over and that he really intends to leave, he's not just playing at this. I told him I did take him seriously. What puzzles me is that he cares that I take him seriously. If our M was so bad and if he couldn't care less what I think of his actions why does he want this validation from me? If this really was the most important thing ever in his life then why is he still hanging around me and our home?
I started a thread New and confused; what next? (or now) but only a few responses coming in so I've taken to dipping in and out of other threads if they interest me. Thank God for this site and bless everyone who reads and posts on it. bar
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Not so good today. I haven't spoken to my husband since last Saturday, so I guess I'm just feeling a little hopeless right now. The fact that he hasn't tried to contact me all week is getting to me today for some reason.
BB I completely understand. Are you alone or do you have any kids around? That sounds creepy. Sorry, just trying to take your mind of your H not calling. My W has not called today even though I left her a msg earlier. I cant imagine a week w/o contact so I feel for you.
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
My girls are here, we just got back from church. I think today just got to me b/c we had to sign this card for our youth minister and I signed it w/o my H's name. I've just got to get it through my head that he doesn't want us and move on.
Today isn't starting out well either. I was ok this morning but the longer the day wears on I'm finding it hard not to break down. I still haven't called him and I feel like that's a step in the right direction..but I can't help but thinking that he's not bothered by this at all. He has replaced the place in his heart that I used to fill with love for OW, and I don't know if he's going to see my detaching as a bad thing.
Mandi Sorry you are not feeling great today. It is so hard to work through the day when you are in this state.
Not much advice on how to get out of your funk. Go out and do something?
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
