Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Trying to set those goals!

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Link to old thread before he moved out & he moved out

Nothing much to say, except that mkultra's thread asking about how people are doing on their goals made me start thinking about (re)focusing on mine. I think I am thinking WAY too big and getting overwhelmed and tired at the prospect of accomplishing it all. For instance- instead of just deciding to organize a room or part of a room or whatever, I am thinking about how I have to organize EVERYTHING-makes me exhausted to walk around the house looking at everything I need to do.

Instead of signing up for classes to get my broker's license and then dedicating X amount of hours per week towards it, I am thinking that I need to sign up for the classes and get them done in record time. (I have no idea why I would think that.)

Instead of signing up for one group and seeing how that goes, I want signing up for 4 or 5 groups/wk and then get confused as to how I am going to do all of that AND get my brokers license AND sell real estate AND organize the house. So then I don't go to any social things.

I think you can see where I am going with this.

So, my goal to be completed by 11pm tonight is to break down my big goals into small goals and get them on paper. (I just hope I don't get overwhelmed at having to put ALL those smaller goals on paper!! j/k

your link to your old thread doesnt seem to work :-} sorry.

mebbe this will:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1158638

its so busy to get overwhelmed by big goals, and think its a great idea to break them down to smaller ones. I need to do that, too. baby steps, and all that.

make sure the 11pm deadline is realistic...why not give it thru the weekend, so you can really lay something out? or at least till tomorrow night?

good luck, whatever you decide! you are inspiring me to get going on writing mine out/breaking them down again.

Thanks Dom! I thought I did it right...that's what I get for not testing it. BTW- I want to also thank you for following my story-really and truly.

Haha- you know what's funny? *I* was inspired by *YOU* because I read that you had written down goals for the summer and that pretty soon you were going to have to sit down and do some for the fall.
Yeah, 11pm tonight might not be realistic. I just feel like I keep procrasinating my life and if I don't hurry up and do something I will end up doing nothing.

yeah, I get that you don't want to put it off, but at the same time if you don't give yourself a realistic timeline, you'll only beat yourself up when you inevitably fail.

so cool that we are inspiring each other. I really am so glad I found this place.

GOAL -Physical contact on skin-
I have some of my goals confused because I have TWO books on Saving my Marriage. One is DB, of course, and the other is Light Your Fire. DB is better when you are doing it alone. Light Your Fire is better if both partners are compliant.

Unfortunately, my H disdains the idea of Saving The Marriage, not because we had such an awful marriage but because he is a ROMANTIC! Can you believe the irony? He believes in passion and romance and that it should be organic and mystical not contrived or planned from a book.

The Light Your Fire goal was to make a physical contact daily, such as touching the top of his hand or a pat on the back, skin is preferable. I still try but I can tell he inches away to give me space. I showed him some photos today and tried to hand them into his hand and he was quite deliberate in not touching my skin. Odd. Am I a leper? He used to be so hot for my skin?

DB Goal- Not to rally the troops- SOOOOO hard! I just spillled the beans twice today!!! I guess I need affirmation that I am not crazy. I need to make a connection with other women who may have marital issues too. I seek advice from people who care about us. I have such a hard time containing my frustration over my sitch. If someone asks me why my H is acting so odd or where has he been, I am honest!

That is a real tough one. One that I have failed miserably at, so I can't offer any advice. In fact, I am a little nervous about going to our mutual bar on Sunday because people 'know' about our sitch. Now I feel like a fool for opening my mouth. Of course, it was obvious that my H wasn't with me when I went without him (duh); intially I tried to play it off, but my veneer was too weak.

Over on the other site they suggest the all the troops possible be rallied; is there some place on here that says not to?

Edited to add- I read your other thread and I see what you mean about rallying the troops; you're trying to keep from hearing non-DB messages?

The thing about "rallying troups", is that you have to be sure you are rallying "your" troups.
Not everyone is going to be positive towards your marriage. In fact, it's almost certain there will be some mutual aquaintanaces who will be anti-marriage.

You also need to be careful of stirring up people, whom the spouse does not respect. At best, it will have no effect.
At worst... well, how do you think they will take it, if someone they HATE, starts bugging them to "work on their marriage" ?

Ahh...I see....
So, it isn't that we are supposed to become an island or a recluse (especially when we *need* our friends and fam), it's that we should be careful that they don't try to insinuate themselves into the situation in a negative way; either to us or our spouse. I suppose this is also why there are "transition friends".

I know that my mom has been bashing my H and trying to build me up, and it felt SOOO uneven that I ended up defending him. I asked her many times to stop and finally, this last time it happened, I got off the phone in a hurry and the next day she called and apologized......and then added that since she was manifesting the anger it was preventing me from feeling it-- so she would stop so I could get good and po'd. She's a sly one, that woman.

Never got to my goals last night. The listing appointment lasted for 4 hours. Yikes! The husband used to be a job recruiter so I got the most interesting questions I have EVER heard in a listing appt. I think it went well; wife loves me--the husband is a little more cautious and methodical, so he'll need to process some stuff. Keeping my fingers crossed.

My new goal-- to have my mini-goals completed by 11pm Monday.