I told him that was very sweet and he actually said thanks. Times before when I would say something like this, he just wouldn't respond.
Hurray!
Always nice to see those "little steps" appear for us
On the grovelling front... I'm not sure that them grovelling, indicates non-confidence in their decisions. In some cases, self-confidence can be the same as self-justification. Which may indicate a "i didnt do anything wrong, and i just might do it again" attitude. I guess as in most relationship things, "it depends".
Oh well.. Just enjoy the positive
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
And yet at the same time, it would never have come up, if I didnt "pressure" her, about how she never really tried during our marriage.
I guess I am thinking about the looooong term success of your M. I have always told myself from day 1 that I want H to feel like HE made the decision to come home so that he could never tell me he did it for the wrong reasons or something like that in the future...I guess it's for my own peace of mind too. If something were to ever come up, I don't want to hear that I "made" him come home. However, you make a good point referencing DR and not continuing to do what doesn't work. Maybe I just haven't had the guts to try something different or put the pressure on my H for fear of spewing or rejection, etc. At the end of the day, H is an adult and he can make his final decisions on his very own and can't blame me for "making" him do anything...and I guess if he really had a chip on his shoulder, he could twist any sitch and make it sounds like he came home for the "wrong" reasons.
I say go for it DR. You have more courage than I do and I commend you for that. I am very curious to see how this might turn out for you.
self-confidence can be the same as self-justification.
You got that right!
Quote:
i didnt do anything wrong
I certainly heard this and I haven't heard a true apology since. In the beginning he said he felt like he didn't do anything wrong, but he would always say "sorry" (didn't mean much to me). Later, he admitted that he may have let OW "cloud" his decision and he was sorry, but it didn't feel very sincere to me. I want to hear that he admits to betraying me by telling OW he had feelings for her while we were still M...then tell me is sorry about that. He would always get mad at me when I said it felt like he betrayed me and our M...he said we will just never see eye to eye on this. I always got the impression that he didn't feel like he did anything wrong because nothing physical happened (until after we were separated and on our way to D).
rather than twisting his arm to get him to apologize for exactly what you think he needs to say.... maybe next time he says, "I'm sorry" (if he does, i suppose), ask him about what specifically, he is sorry for. If he's sincerely sorry, maybe it will be enough for you. and if he isnt... well then he probably wont be able to come up with anything, and you'll know that he isnt actually apologizing for anything. [aka he's "sorry" that he got caught]
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Sigh... guess the rollercoaster is "up" right now.... my mind is wandering over pleasant fantasies about if she actually loved me and was faithful to me again, and we were just enjoying each others company...
I think i'll just go with the flow and enjoy the ride I think that's one way I have managed to avoid bitterness for over a year now... when these thoughts come up.. rather than get all sad/mad/angry that it isnt happening now.. i just enjoy the dream. kinda like enjoying a good romance novel or something... but with my choice of heroine
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Dangit.. i really want to talk about something. But seems like God keeps sending interruptions my way when I'm about to post. So I guess I should shut up about it
i so need to post SOMETHING, though :-}
erm...
summary for me: no visible "long-term" change. still have legal things hanging over my head. arg. But had a very pleasant dinner with my wife last night. and am actually having a cheapie dinner with her this evening. last night was a fancy one. tonight is a cheapie "on the run" kinda thing.
So, some positives. but also some negatives.. but I guess I'm Not Going To Talk About the Negatives. Is that what you want, God?
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Had a very nice saturday with wife and children this last weekend. I think i'm not "supposed to" go into details. Again, no kind of promise of long-term change. But it was a very nice moment-in-time kinda thing. Some positive time with my children, and some positive time with my wife.
So.. I'll just "enjoy the moment"
Last edited by Dom R; 09/06/0710:22 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
. Would love to hear from you and how you are doing.