Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Upgrading the Crazy Eddie Drive

Self-discipline has indeed been a lifelong problem for me. My medication does help, and I'm doing better than ever, but there is much room for improvement.

I don't mean to bitch. In many ways, I lead a charmed life. But I find myself wishing I had kept a journal over the last several years, and find it useful to sometimes write in one that talks back to me, and I've been told that others find my observations useful.

I'm off to my brand spanking new job. While noting my troubles with finances, I took steps to alleviate them with a higher income (among other things), and those steps have come to fruition. I think that smells like progress to me. Tonight I shall Google the living crap out of the supplements y'all have mentioned and print them out and see what she thinks. If she goes for it and it works, great. If not, we'll see how it goes. Thanks for the suggestions.

CE:
Congrats on your new job! Report back, when you have the time.

Hairdog

Yes, congrats on the new job, CE!

Thanks guys. I think I'm really going to like it. Along with the higher paycheck, the job seems to feature excellent equipment, plenty of interesting work, a well-organized development process, and a good, energetic group of people to work with.

At the previous company, several project managers asked if I would consider staying... they all think I did good work. I know I could have done better, and I shall do better this time around, but it's still good to know. No regrets, but I see opportunities ahead to do a lot better than ever before.

And I was not dropped off by aliens. I was almost certainly dropped off by a woman whose name I learned this weekend. The investigator should have definite confirmation this week, then give me the contact information.

Soon I'll know. But it's too bad I wasn't dropped off by aliens from whom I inherited secret alien powers I've yet to discover But I shall soon be leaving the Baby Witness Protection Program, and muster every ounce of confidence and charisma I can muster to make a phone call that I've been waiting 30+ years for.

Mrs. Eddie was quite eager to help me celebrate both events.

Oh yeah, and Agnus Castus apparently passed a double-blind, placebo-controlled trial of its effect on PMS according to the National Institutes of Health. She'll definitely be getting a look at that.

According to Wikipedia, agnus castus, along with its occasional use as a treatment for PMS, is also known as an anaphrodisiac. Sucks to be you.

And congrats again on the job. A fresh start sounds wonderful.

Hairdog

Of course so is PMS itself. Oh wait, you're supposed to take it throughout your cycle. Never mind...



Thanks. It is wonderful.

Now what is self-discipline? How do you get it?

Self-discipline is the ability and willingness to consistently sacrifice and strive toward your own long term goals. Therefore, before you can have self-discipline, you must have a long-term goal that you believe in. You have to believe that you can achieve it and that you'll be made happier over the long term by achieving it. If you're wrong in that belief, you end up wasting a whole lot of time and effort and missing an opportunity to achieve some other goal that would make you happy (assuming one exists... but doesn't everybody have something to strive for that will actually make them happy?). If you haven't found something that you know will be attainable and rewarding to strive for, you end up floundering, chasing after fleeting short-term gains and missing opportunities for lasting happiness and achievement.

So you've got to know yourself really well, know what it is that you don't have that you'd be better off from your own point of view if you did attain it. How do you know that, especially when you have to judge how happy over the long term something you've never had before will make you if and when you do have it? How do you know you won't grow disillusioned with it when you've attained it, or when you're halfway there, and find yourself back at square one?

(To be continued... but comments are welcome in the meantime!)

Crazy E- Check out "getting things done" by David Allen it's pretty good way to clean up some mental overhead.

As well on the happy front there is quite allot of research being done on positive psychology and happiness with some quite surprising findings. Like we are horrible predictors of what will actually make us happy and that we may have a happiness base line.

I think I may have post this link before.
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/97

CE,

Glad to hear the job is going well!

What you wrote about self-discipline and goals really hits home. I don't think I have any goals, long-term or otherwise that I believe in, so that would explain my lack of self-discipline. Sure, I have goals that I hope for, like improving my R, but I'm not much of a believer. Floundering sounds very familiar.

Don't forget that the hallmark of a type 4 is the constant searching for one's identity. If you're always searching for your identity, how can you ever know yourself well enough to believe in a goal? I don't know.

ETA: Keep us posted on you search for your bio family. I'm interested to hear what you find out.

So far I've found out that she has an artistic, creative job but not a "starving artist" or "rock star" job (somehow I'm not surprised), and she's in shock about being found and worried that I'll call her house and end up spilling the beans to my little sister who still lives with her and hasn't been told a thing.

From what I've read, not telling anybody is pretty common - many consider it a deeply shameful secret. Come to think of it, I've met and known several adoptees, but I don't recall ever speaking to anyone outside of forums dedicated to that sort of thing, other than the investigator, who admitted to having given a baby up for adoption.

Anyway, she would like to only exchange letters and pictures for now (seems sensible to me, even if it's kind of a bummer from my point of view), so I'll be writing this weekend. Upbeat, confident, interesting life - good. "I've been waiting all my life to finally meet you!" - not good.

And if she's lurking here, I'll probably never hear from her

CE - my H is adopted and only found out when he was 55 years old (long story) but unfortunately we only found his bio mother 6 months after she had passed away. Interestingly enough, no one knew about it other than her H (which I am still convinced to this day might be my H's bio father). H didn't tell the only child they had, until she had passed away and didn't want anything to do with my H. I did a massive amount of slouthing and found a number of organizations and church groups that she was a member of and not a sole had a clue about her "past" and another child (she was 25 years of age when H was born) - so, no, it doesn't surprise me that no one knows on your side either