Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? DONNA--finding herself #14

He took our family TV out of the living room when he moved--he should have bought himself a new one, like he bought a new bed, no?


I agree. The bank we use won't take his name off of the accts that are all set with the electronic payments. He opened a new acct at the same bank, and they linked the accounts because it is all under his SS#! I am going to have to bite the bullet and set up the electronic payments all over again in another new account in my name only. I'll have to do that when I get back.

That is what I am talking about. The money to pay that balance each month was figured into the support $, because it is shared debt in reality and I want to be able to throw any extra funds I have at the end of the month on it to pay it down. He has to get it into his name, though as promised, and he is shopping for a better interest rate (which is in my interest, too, since it is joint debt).


OK, so not too bad. It was good to hear you remind me about moving on the money mess. I think I kept dragging my feet, thinking that this wasn't going to be a long-term thing. But it is.

Ohh ok - I didn't realize he TOOK the TV, I just thought you were buying a new one. In that case, what did the agreement say about material items like that?? Or did it get into those?

My gut's saying let it go and buy your own TV. If you were to D, you'd split up household items and you'd each have to replace some things. It wouldn't be that you get to keep everything in the house and he buys new stuff - unless that's what you both agreed to.

For now you might want to just open an account in your own name/SS# and cancel all the electronic payments. Then you aren't having to worry about being overdrawn or what's coming out of where.

I'm lost on the credit card thing but hoping OT has some ideas!

Also check with a L about paying extra on the debt... normally I'm all for paying off debts as soon as possible, but in this situation I'm not sure that's the best idea.

He did agree to leave all of the stuff in the house. Partly from guilt over the affair, probably more because I never wanted any of this.

One of the things that set me off last night at the parenting course were two guys joking during the break about how it got to the point that they had to get away from their wives, no matter what it cost. That is where he is.

I don't want to be a b!tch about it, but I am also looking at how over $1000/month of family money that should have been going towards our kids' college and our retirement is now paying for his space. Not what either of us had planned for or wanted for them. It is so much more complicated with kids. We never had His $ / My $ - it was all pooled for the family. It kills me that the kids are forced to sacrifice because we couldn't figure this out...

I have to look into the credit card thing, too.

Hmmm.. in that case it might be good to ask him to return the TV and computer (per the legal agreement). Business-like, and shows you will be sticking to the agreement.

Dunno - OT, any thoughts??

Also, what about the filing cost? Did you agree to split that or was it discussed? That was the other tricky one in my opinion - especially if it wasn't agreed on.



I know - it's incredibly frustrating, sad, maddening, and more. But the sooner you can let that go (and not have that be a motivating factor behind asking for things/$$), the better off you'll be I think. Just for sanity reasons.

Don't try to keep sharing the debt. You take your part, tell H to get his part the h*ll off your credit card. Paying it off is not a joint venture.

Transfer your half to a 0% credit card. Give him a firm deadline to get his half off your card -- LIKE ONE WEEK.

As for the T.V., I assume you have another one in your house. Move it to the LR, and let it go.

If he did not agree to pay half the filing fees, do not ask for them.

Get your computer back, you need it for work.

Trust me, the financial entaglements DO NOT HELP your sitch at all. Clear out that crap.

All very good advice. I'll be working on getting this all straightened out.

Just finished the last bit of packing :0) In 12 hours, we will be on the way to the airport.

HAVE FUN!!!!

If you get a chance, the kids would LOVE air boating through the swamps.

OT - question for you - or maybe it's a question for a lawyer, but if Donna "takes" half the debt but then pays it off (while H takes half and makes minimum payments) - is that going to bite her later? Or since there's a legal sep filed, is she safe to pay it off??

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As for the rest - YAY Donna!!! Have fun!!!!!

(I'm jealous.. can't afford it right now but I'd so love to be going to Orlando, too)

Have a wonderful time and leave all this behind until you get home.

Dunno, I thought it was covered by the settlement agreement.

Hmm - might be worth checking w/your L Donna. I just know I've seen people pay off "their" portion of the debt, only to get stuck splitting the remaining debt (the other spouse's portion) after a D. So they effectively end up saddled with 75% of it rather than 50% - all because they were trying to be responsible and pay their portion off.

But that can all wait til you get home.

HAVE FUN!!!!