Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Plank/WAW, thread 2

H
My sitch is almost exactly the same (as I am sure others are) in terms of how your evening goes. I understand the push / pull on your emotions to pull back vs. show her how much you care and plant the seeds of doubt. I guess on the latter, unless we give it time to grow it will not, if we keep digging it up to see what is there, it will never grow. Hardest part bro.

C

heimlich,

sounds like your really keeping a good pma. sorry i have not been over here in a while to check in. just read up on the rugby and watching the show together. i think things are looking up for you, and it is shows. keep the positive attitude and the rest falls right into line.

good luck with the rugby. i need to follow the lead of a few here and do the dance lessons, i've always wanted to.

atlas

H,

We haven't read the whole thing (only time to skim because we are partying in Orlando), but the group (still, GD, Kat and Nomo) is wondering why you seem to be initiating R talks (8/3, 8/6 and 8/10?).

S, G, K and N.

You might re-read your last week, pretend it is someone else, and give yourself advice. You always give good advice to others, but you aren't seeing your own sitch as clearly.

Nomo (on Still's computer)

Orlando people,

Thanks for the kind words and mini-kick in the pants. On the 3rd, I did begin a R talk (which I know I should not have done). However, I was clamming up when she basically asked me to tell her how I felt. Still no regrets about that because it really was teh first time I felt like she really heard me.

The bank statement thing -- well, it still feels right to have done it. One, she owed me an explanation for that. Two, it didn't turn into a R talk. I kept the conversation focused on why she started a separate account and how that made me feel. One of the things missing from me regarding my W is a little bit of "fire." She can run roughshod over people. One of the things that attracted her to me in the beginning is that I never let her do that with me. I'm not explaining this very well, but she didn't want to be married to a pushover and I did a lot of 'yes, dears' in the past few years that I might not have done earlier in our R. Plus, for me, I had to confront her on this for me.

I know, not really 'DBing', but both things felt, and still feel, right to have done. I am in wholehearted agreement at your disapproval for not having another R talk though. Would be tremendously counterproductive at this point.

No R talk or anything other than that. I have clammed on that. We're just getting along pretty well at the moment as friends.

On her way home from work last night, she called and asked if I wanted a six pack. Haven't had beer in a while so said "yes, please." (Ah, beer is an absolute good.) After dance class last night, she asked if I wanted to watch Monk again with her.

No physical affection at all between us, yet friendly interaction otherwise. Lots of jokes/laughter between us and with the girls. On the one hand, it sounds good. On the other, I know that she can put on an act to cloak her true feelings (as she did from Feb to April last year, telling me, and acting like, things were getting better while being unhappy inside). We've agreed to be friendly, so I'm operating under the working assumption that that's all this is -- friends and that her mind is still made up that we're over. I'm actually OK with this and starting to really do things that make me happy. No word on postponing the D mediation scheduled for this Thursday. Not going to ask again. She knows how I feel.

Taking the girls to Harry Potter in a bit. We'll pick up the W and go to dinner after. I suggested it and she accepted, so that's a good thing. She's not actively avoiding doing things together.

Baby steps back toward me or just being friends and she's moved on? No clue. No expectations. Oddly enough, happier than I've been in quite a while. Go figure.

Hope you all have a great time together. Would have loved to have been able to get away to go.

And that's a great idea to read back through all I've written. Thanks.

BD

Heim,

Orlando DB Party Group here! First, we hope you're doing well partner. Second, we think we just (collectively) figured out your name (a bugs life?) and your title (biblical ref, thanks Kat and Still). Just wanted you to know were thinking about you.

The Crew (Nomo, Kat, Still, SuperDad, Sara, GoneDancin, and Donna)

H
She asked you to watch a movie 2x! Can you not see this is more than just faking it for the girls? Just hoping you see a positive to the little things going on. I personally dont think these are just steps toward being just friends, just my opinion.

Orlando crew,

Bingo! On both counts. I stink at coming up with screen names. The girls were watching A Bug's Life and I've always like Heimlich -- the German accent kills me. So, Heimlich it was.

And, yep, 11 years of Catholic school -- I retain some Biblical knowledge.

CVA,

I really do hope you're right. We just got back from eating Thai followed by a walk around a small pond/lake (one of those fake town center type deals -- little shopping, 18 screen theatre, about 15 or so restaurants, paddle boats in the lake. For the burbs, not too bad). They had a band, so we danced to YMCA for a few minutes. That's always good -- especially car dancing. Anyway, had a nice time at dinner and on the walk. Didn't walk close together or hold hands or anything. She smiled at me a few times. I'm trying for the life of me to remember if that's something new in the last few weeks. It's hard, because I've got almost 17 years of memory of her smiling at me. I honestly am blanking on if this is new/old behavior. She did wink at me once, that WAS new. As I write that, I know it sounds good, I just don't want to start hoping for the reasons mentioned above.

Regardless, it was a very nice evening and, for now, that's fine.

BD

Good morning H! You sound good! Have a great day.

You don't suppose SHE had something in her eye?

Just teasing you--it sounds great to me!