I joined this forum over a year ago when my husband first left me, but I've not posted in all that time. Here's a quick update...Mostly I've been sitting waiting all this time, taking care of my kids and going on with my life while he figures out how to "get happy". Now 13 months later, he doesn't seem to be any further along in his journey. BTW- he admits that he's afraid to go to counseling because he thinks they'll tell him to change. My 13-yr old daughter has also commented to him, "Dad, you left because you wanted to get happy, but you don't seem any happier. Maybe you should change something else." I found out last week that he's been dating someone else since March. Feeling that he's been lying to the kids and I all this time, I started divorce paperwork immediately. Now he calls me and says he's "all in knots" and feeling doubts. It could be that the reality of divorce is finally hitting him, but I really believe that down deep he thinks he's doing the wrong thing. We talked about getting together for a last ditch effort to see how we got along. Maybe some kind of date to test the waters. He first suggested dinner and a movie, but is that the right kind of first date after 13 months separation? I sent him an email the next day telling him that I would let him decide the way forward. Divorce or date, but at his pace. He hasn't yet responded either way. If he chooses to go on a date, however, I'm at a loss for what to do. Does anyone have a good suggestion of a non-threatening, fun thing to do together? Thanks in advance for any advice you can give.
We can get along fine if we don't talk about contentious topics. Dinner would be nice, but it seems like high pressure and not very "fun". Maybe dinner in a more fun environment might add excitement? I was thinking of something more active. I like bowling. It's casual and fun with a group, but would be kind of boring with just us two.
Take it slow. Don't read to much into it. Like you said it sounds like he wants to test the waters with you again. A casual date can't hurt, especially if you approach it as a date with just a friend and not as if you are trying to rekindle your love or his. Then after the date you can see where things go from her.
Don't let him string you along though. If he decides that he wants o work on your R, then he has to cut of the OW and go to a C with you.
Best wishes.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
I'm actually planning a first date with my husband as well and have been trying to plan something a bit more active than dinner. To give some background...We've been separated for 6 months now, but have been spending increasing amounts of time together lately, mostly when he's scheduled to see our boys, he's been invited me over for dinner as well. I suggested more of a "date" recently and he was interested. I've been thinking, though, that dinner seems like there is too much pressure and could take a wrong turn. Have been trying to plan something fun--actually trying to get some tickets to a Patriots pre-season game or going to drive go-carts or something different and active like that. That way, it isn't so much focused on us, our relationship, the kids, but about creating new memories and having fun! Wishing you luck!
I totally agree with dinner being 'too much'. My H and I went on a date last week, and while we were headed to dinner, we both admitted we weren't hungry and went gambling. hehe Then we went for a drink, but instead of sitting and talking, he challenged me to a game of PacMan. It was perfect. I would find something to keep you both 'busy', but not a movie, no time to talk about anything (even light stuff). Dinner just seemed to overwhelming for both of us.
lwb, now that sounds like a blast. Heck of a lot better then sitting at a table in a nice restaurant trying to figure out what you should and should not say to your WAS.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
