Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? How Can I Possibly Restore THIS?

I really do not feel like a "victim", but I DO feel like I am the latest person that my H has decided to shut out of his life by choosing not to communicate. As long as he does not have to see me, or talk to me (or the MC), then he doesn't have to hurt. So, the door gets closed. He does not seem to think that HE could have made different choices as far as the M went, either. He "did his best", and it wasn't good enough, so "good-bye, adios, see ya."

If I could take back my asking him to leave, I would, in a heartbeat. The request was born from frustration and fatigue AT THAT MOMENT. The same scenarios played over and over with the same result every time. (I believe, that in some circles, they call that insanity.... doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.)

So now it is Friday night, and I am reading DBusting. Most of the time I am crying. I can see so many familiar sitch's as I read, and feel horrible. Horrible because that is what our M became, and horrible because at this point in time, no clear remedy. Except to let him go, live my life and do what I want.

But that brings up a question. I got to thinking... should I call him and ask him if he would be interested in learning how to get along... even cordially? Or am I setting myself up here..... (Yeah, I have trouble with the concept of letting go...)

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

You mentioned your discomfort for posting in this forum. Why is that? Are you in the MLC forum too? Your H sounds a lot like mine because my H does not seem to care about the consequences of losing respect from our circle. Has anyone seen how this story plays out? What happens to men after a MLC is over? Do they just freak out like Tom Cruise and become a laughing stock?

I would vote for not calling him especialy if you are emotional. He is already thinking like a beginner so should you. Crazy? You both have grown kids and have been widowed and now you have to think like you just met a stranger, so to speak. Unbelievable. The one person you should be most comfortable with and you have to act like, "Hi my name is Ducky!"

Thanks for your responses- sorry I wasn't here to write sooner. The reason that I was uncomfortable writing on this forum (or any forum) is that PRIOR to the advertising campaign mentioned earlier, there were very few people who believed this story. They could not imagine that a presecribed drug (non-narcotic or addicting by it's nature) could do so much harm. The consensus was that I was in control of my behavior and I should take personal responsibility for it. They could not understand that I had no more control over my behavior than I have over the lunar cycle. Even long time , close friends bashed me. So, I get a little gun-shy. I tell my story out of desperation.

I have decided against calling him. However, my MC seems to think that it would be okay to send an e-mail, making a request to go fishing. (About 10 days ago, out of the blue, H sent me a picture of himself that was taken while he was fishing a few weeks back. It kind of blew me away that he sent the picture because at the moment that he was sending the picture (based on the time the e-mail was sent), I was at work telling a friend that I was having trouble getting a clear picture of H's face in my head!)

And with no kids between us, and little to discuss about the D, except through lawyers, the lines of communication can close forever, so quickly. For him, it's a matter of closing the door and moving on. Boy, does that thought scare me. And if he let some of his anger go, he MIGHT see that there MIGHT be a chance for us. If he allowed himself to open up a little, he MIGHT see that I have been making some very positve changes- changes that are definitely good for me, and definitely good for a relationship. (The old GAL thing!) But I also think that he is SO afraid of getting hurt again... closing the door, is easier. No risk. Predictable outcome, even if it is not a good one. And that makes me sad.