Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Good or Bad??

Thanks Saffie. It is weird that he hasn't even mentioned the letter or the divorce said he was going to file for right away. He's been talking a lot in terms of the future the past few days.. short-term future but still future stuff (with a negative "clause" in there every once in a while). It also seems as though he has been trying to comfort me in my moments of distress. Surreal is definately a good word for it. Hopefully, something will come of this soon. I'm really losing hope quickly - some days more than others.

I have found out some additional interesting info. About the time that things were starting to seem better and I felt H being drawn to me, H had actually "ended it" w/ow. She was desparately trying to keep in contact with him (and he let her ... trying to let her down easy I guess). Hence, the late night tm's. Fast forward to last weekend and after 3 weeks of not seeing her, he caved in to his addiction... AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soooooo frustrating. I felt him getting closer but didn't want to believe it. Well, now I know why... He's weak for that pathetic excuse of a woman. My IC thinks that he is addicted to love (isn't that a song???) which he learned from his mother who can't live without a man. She also thinks that he needs a different IC since his current one hasn't even connected the dots.

In the meantime, I'm still GAL'ing. Have a ton planned for the weekend.

Still no word on the letter. WTH??

Olive,
I am so sorry. My H did the exact same thing. He was strong for 4 days and caved...it is an addiction. The only thing we can do is be the best women that we can.

My guess on the letter is that he just in denial that bad. My H's A has been going on for 10 months now, and now 2 weeks before the court date, he contacts me because he doesn't have anybody else to vent to. What happened to the great connection he had with OW...she understands him and I don't...at least that's what I was told. We will never figure these crazy guys out.

Hope.. You are right. We can only be the best women we can be. We can't control them. It's funny how they do come running to us to talk. My H says it's easy to be friends with me but we have no connection as well.

I also get completely opposite comments in a conversation:

I love you more than you'll ever know
I can't live in a loveless marriage

I know you are working on changing some things and can see those changes happening
Nothing has changed at all with you

I want out of this marriage, NOW
We haven't even worked on our marriage


So, we just keep trying to stay sane in an insane world.

Dont ya just luv it when they contradict themselves all in one sententene after the other? NOT!

I remember when I finally signed the D papers (draft) after much insistence from him. I was about to give it to him when he asked for it ( iwas ready mindset to tell him to go celebrate w/ his woman his new freedom)before I gave it to him he said I ahev an appoinment to see them judge tomorrow whether you sign or not. Well just as he was finishing his words I handed it to him with a BIG smile & said go celebrate! He was stunned! THe look on his face!!! He really did not think I would go thru w/ it!!!
So the next sentence was " I dont want a D". I said what about your appointemt? HE said I dont have one (sad, sad look).

lonelyolive,

Addicted to Love was a song by Robert Palmer. It's the one where he had all the chicks with black dresses and bright red lippie playing guitars around him while he sang. You know, the kind of sad male fantasy sort of thing.

I am so sorry that he was in contact with OW again. My H wanted to let down the OW gently when they finished because he had 'loved' her. I just wanted to rip her Fcuking head off He does now admit that he did never love her, and he said that without any prompting!!!

Even his last letter to her I felt was too wishy washy - basically he was a coward and he wanted to come out of everything being liked by all. In a real world how was that going to happen? He ended up being called a coward by both myself and OW and he looked hurt at that

Regarding your H's response to your letter, I know how painfull the waiting game is. The funny thing was tho' that in my sitch, on the evening he came home from work and had decided to discuss my letter with me, I sort of knew it was going to be that night as soon as he walked through the door. He didn't actually say he was going to talk about it when he came in and he waited a couple of hours before embarking on the conversation. (You have to remember I didn't know about his A at this time I just knew something was wrong. It was during this chat that he told me he had been having an A for the last 18 months). The feelings I had inside me before he started trying to discuss things with me had me so panicked that I actually went and curled up in a ball and hid under our bed - that's where he found me when he started to talk about my letter to him. As you can tell, mentally I was in a grim place. BUT....it did make things better in the long run. I am sure your H will get there in the end - they all just seem to have their own schedules which we can't influence unfortunately.

I am praying so hard for you.

(((((HUGS))))))

Saffie

LO,

My H did the same thing memorial day and that time I thought we were done - he was so sure.

Your H needs to see his OW for what she really is - not the best behavior OW she is giving him now. He probably needs to spend more time with her than without to figure that one out.

The problem here is who will outlast whom? You or OW? It is especially hard b/c you are under the same roof - at least my H was in his own apt and I could only imagine what was going on.

Hang in there..the fence sitting can only last so long - at some point the fence will rot and fall down around your H!

Happy Friday!

LO,

My H did the same thing memorial day and that time I thought we were done - he was so sure.

Your H needs to see his OW for what she really is - not the best behavior OW she is giving him now. He probably needs to spend more time with her than without to figure that one out.

The problem here is who will outlast whom? You or OW? It is especially hard b/c you are under the same roof - at least my H was in his own apt and I could only imagine what was going on.

Hang in there..the fence sitting can only last so long - at some point the fence will rot and fall down around your H!

Happy Friday!

LO, my h also "ended" A with OW, but he also wanted to "let her down slowly", and ended up more deeply into her. Now he finally "decided" to pack up the family and move back to our home town, I hope he will eventually end it with her. He is still contacting her via txt, email, phone, etc., but I am hoping and hoping that this really will end (soon, I hope).

Brace yourself. I can see many similarities in your sitch and mine, and I am sensing that you will end up in a good place. Keep the faith. At the same time, your H may fall more deeply with OW, and you may have to really give him the ultimatum before he will come back. Not suggesting that you do that now, or ever, just keep in mind that this is one of the possibilities.

I still feel that your M has a good chance. I agree with HB, that the problem is who will outlast who? Unfortunately H is in love with someone else other than you also. It does not mean that he does not love you (regardless of what he says), it's now a matter of who he loves more and if he counts the years of M into that "love" equation. If he only counts "love affection/feelings" ONLY, then OW at this time may have a heads up. If he is still using a little part of his brain, he will sooner or later realize that it is not just "the feeling", but commitment, love, being a team, all the years, history and all that will add up and you will weigh heavily on the scale.

Keep the faith. Hang in there.

yah... I've been in that place, too.. it really sucks.

Things are just too weird for words most of the time these days. Thanks for the prayers, Saffie..