Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Castle & Picnic analogy

I think that EA's would tend to most likely lead into a PA.

Nomo - Yeah. As long as the OM is in the picture, the W will not work on the M. In my case, the M and I are just things to get rid of so she can keep her drugs flowing freely (i.e. the A)and her to consumate her MLC-induced quest for lifelong happiness through this divorce.

L.

Hey NOMO, haven't talked to ya in a while and wanted to check in. You are one busy guy! Your other thread is locked, you have a ton of new info, and a lot of very nice posts from other DBers. It's nice to see that all of the people you help are as interested in trying to help you; you deserve it! Anyway, to catch up, i'm very happy for you about the hug (it brought some possible posistives in my life to mind and i'll post them on my thread.) The castle theory above is excellant, and actually something that I really needed to hear today, thanks for sharing. The fanf@ckingtastic is awesome, I thought only Jersey guys said stuff like thatlol. I've been telling the W stuff like "Great", and I think it's throwing her for a loop too; great stuff! I was interseted in catching up on your journal entries, but I have no idea how many threads you have or if you've posted any? Well, your a tough person to catch up with as your threads are so busy, but that's about it for now (though i'm sure I forgot many things.) The last thing I wanted to say is thanks for being so involved! On top of giving great advice, your being so involved seems to have brought us newbies the attn of some very experienced DBers. I've noticed several of them posting on my thread (and others), and many of them seem to stem back to your posts. Talk to ya later, wonderful topics as always.

Thanks Will. I've been keeping my eye on you, but you are doing well and getting good support. Glad to see you forging some friendships with a few of the other relative newbies too. My new thread should be linked in my sig. Working on journaling now, and hope to post in the next hour!!!

So for all of us that have an OP involved with our S, does your S try to avoid looking at you much directly when you are talking to them? I know he is doing something or finding something to do but alot of times it seems like he doesn't want to look at me directly. Not that I think he was attentive to me when I talked to him before the S.

Mine doesn't seem to avoid eye contact. The only behavior I see now that seems evasive is that at times she seems to deliberately keep info about her whereabouts/activities from me.

Kelley and NOMO,

Don't know if this will help, but there are many things that people do when they are lying / hiding something. These things can EASILY be confused with discomfort, fear, anxiety, and a multitude of other emotional responses. People look away, look down to the right or left when confronted, fiddle with hands, answer questions with questions, provide very vague and / or confusing answers, etc. My point is not to scare you into thinking your spouse is being less than truthful, but to say that you really can't tell.

Kelley, the chance of you causing damage to your R in thinking he's hiding things (OW for instance) because of actions / body language, is much greater than if you just left it alone and "Acted As IF". It takes extensive training and years of dealing with people who are deceiving you to develop a method of accurately identifying deceipt. When we use it to deal with suspects, we always have multiple conversations with the person and obtain independant corroboration (even with confessions!!!).

I probably said more than I need to here, but Kelley's comment concerned me. NOTHING does more damage to people who are in a bad sitch, than someone accusing/treating them of being deceiptful (not just lying); especially when it's an incorrect assessment. (Sometimes it pushes them into that behavior even more.)

Kelley, just be you and follow the rules. I too am having a very hard time dealing with the OP. I'm determined to convince myself that it doesn't matter, and to regain control of my mind, my emotions, and my life. We can all do this!

thanks for post -

i saved it somewhere i can look and remember. it does sound like the best (or only?) shot. it makes sense - i'm tring. i lose my way sometimes- and lose hope and lose momentum- but then i can come to forum- find something from someone that fortifies me - and i can do it - ..."just another hour, day, week..."

onward & upward huh? i'm having tons of cake & goodies at my pic nic tho- do i really have to have the smell of meat to attract my castle-dweller tho????