Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Time for another update

Dude

She sounds like she is both shaken and stirred. Not the way to order a drink huh? You are right to turn it down for now. She may be scared that she will be all alone at the end of her actions so she is trying to keep one foot in the door. It will be good for the kids if she will keep connecting with them, but they will not be her ultimate goal. She will one day try to find out how to bring that baby home.

I'm afraid you will one day be making tougher choices than you think you are making today. What happens if she and the kids complete a proper bond, the kids fall in love with the baby, and you see all the signs of the woman you cared for so deeply?

When the only bridge left to cross is the one with that OM baby on it, and your W is holding her arms out to you, what then? The thought must really leave a very sour taste in your mind today. But if she already had a child from someone else when you first met, would you have crossed that bridge? Is it really a bridge you can never cross, or just one that will take a very special loving caring human being?

Perhaps the baggage of the OM always being around for the baby would tip the scales in the end.

Hmmmm ... pondering.

Lawless,

I have to agree with W2S here. You may be doing your best to distance yourself from your W and her problems right now, but I think sooner or later she will be standing on your doorstep and you will have some very hard choices too make.

I'm afraid this is going to get a lot more complicated for you.

I can see this already, she is slowly reconnecting with the kids and has been reaching out to her estranged parents since she has discovered the pregnancy.



I have thought about this alot since the announcement and have done alot of research as well, I think the kids will bond with her new baby and I do believe I might even see a better woman than the one who left, there is no question that pre MLC she was one of the best mothers around.



It's funny that early on in my sitch I had a dream, I saw her pregnant in that dream, I awoke in a cold sweat because it was so real and I knew in my gut it was only a matter of time. If she had a child when we met I honestly can say that it would have been a deal breaker from the start, mind you that was near 20 years ago and I was just a young guy trying to take on the world. Is it a bridge i cant cross? Tough to answer that one because of the circumstances, you see my GF has a DD13 and that dosen't bother me now at this age, I guess I can cross the bridge with her but could I cross it for STBX, well it's pretty doubtful I could.



This is a big thing to ponder and i have spent many hours on this. I guess this is where the deal breaker is in this new twist, this OM will always be around and from what I can guess causing trouble for yours truly. I can see what the future would hold in this case, CS problems, visitation problems and behavior problems amongst the smaller issues that will come from this. There will be alot of additional grief in it for me as well as I would end up having to deal with OM as well.

This would make things very difficult for both STBX and myself, you see there would be daily reminders of what has happened and that would make any healing difficult if not impossible. The constant daily reminder of this dark time is something I can do without.

I have a very strong feeling that she is going to want to return and it saddens me to admit that the answer is going to be "no".

Maybe...instead of being sad...you could look at it as a sign of your own personal growth. I have seen you change from a poolboy into a man and...maybe...that is where it is.

Maybe this is all to help us grow,to bring us to apoint where we feel we have a choice...freewill and all. Maybe it is to help us recognize our own authentic selves. Maybe it is to bring us to a point where we fight for ourselves as least asmuch as we fought for our marriages.

Sometimes there is unknown strength in letting go...in discovering we are so much more than part of a set.

You know in your heart what your answer is because you are a grown-up...she stays, she leaves, she comesback...whatever.

You are Billy and that is what matters.

smooches to you luvey

Geeez Figgy you're getting all deep here.

Everything you said is so very true, I've been discovering myself and growing these last few months, I've discovered that I have always been pretty much comfortable in my own skin but the growth is in my empathy. I always used to subscribe to the thinking of everyone is in control of thier lives and if they are a mess then it's because they want to be a mess. I've learned that sometimes a person may not be able to help themselves. I do feel bad/ sad about my STBX but I realize I can do nothing to help.

I sometimes think I should thank STBX as I feel I am a better person for this experience.

sometimes I am deeper than you know!!!!