Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Just plodding along........

I dont know about "hating" the OM. They are not even worthy of any space in our mind. In a way I can see how an OM can get sucked into all of this. I mean think of all of the evil person we have become in the Walkaways Mind....if she can sell herself on all of this spew, it certainly would not be so hard to sell it to a willing (fill in the blank)

I guess if for myself the last time I did have a real conversation with my wife, and she told me that she is not coming back, eluding to a more perminant solution......... I did tell her that I did not plan to make it easy.

I plan on being patient, even though somedays it is so hard. On a slight positive note, when she came and got our girl tonight. We had a short but at least not a negative conversation.

I know for myself what I really need is to find a way to do more clearer thinking, and find some direction for myself..... I dont know if that shows in my posts but I am all over the place. The not knowing and confusion does that to me.......

Have you written down a plan? That gave me exactly the direction I needed.

Geez Nomo...... I know you are right. But lately I cant hardly write down a friggen grocery list. My focus is shot all to crap.
Just tired. I feel like I could sleep for 48 hours straight sometimes........ I needta go to bed bud. I am still as my thread says though still plodding on.......keeping the faith and all that.....Catch ya on the flip side...

Interesting topic this.

I think about two of us here at work that have WAWS both due to OM and both in early 40's .
There are plenty of 35+ single women previously divorced or otherwise in this town that would love a new relationship so why do these OM's seek out M W's ?.
The answer is twofold , the singles are well adjusted have delt with thier issues and would see right through one of these guys.
The W in an unhappy relationship is an easy target. The OM (usualy a workmate or similar) just needs to pay some attention to them , and start to meet those emotional needs and the rest just follows.
This may be true also where the genders are reversed as well but I dont have any experience of that.

Now if these OM's or OW's started out as true friends with good intentions then they would have encouraged our partners to try and work out thier problems within the M.

My opinion for what its worth.

Dave

NDDT - it doesn't have to be right away. Find a day where you will have had lots of sleep, and don't have the kid. Then set aside a few (or more) hours and know it out.

C_K - I agree with your opinion a lot. It was much easier for my OM to go after my W because they had bonded and become friends than it would have been for him to go out and find one in the field. One of his friends told me once that he is really anti-social.

Cripes I cant catch a break. My mind will not even give me a break while I sleep. I fell asleep like 2 1/2 hours ago. I have a dream I meet this guy and we start talking. Pretty soon he is telling me he is the guy wife is with, but he is the 2nd guy since she left me, (he thinks). In my dream I am remember I am trying to be calm and gather all the information I can, but I then wake up and my heart is pounding.

So I get up, use the toliet, get a drink of water. I go back to bed, I am praying to God. "Please take this from me, release me from these thoughts, let me have some rest, some peace." And this is actually calming me some. I am dozing off, then my cat starts meowing.....and the worst, a mosiqito is in my room buzzing my ear.

Well here I am smoking, typing, tired as hell, have to get up for work in 5 hours. Will this ever stop????

I have actually considered hiring a private detective to follow her.
Or the show "cheaters" comes to mind, although I cannot possibly think of a sleazier show on tv. But this not knowing........anything is maddening. I dont know how much more of this I can take.

I mean if she is "seeing" someone, why not just tell me.....someone tell me. If she wants to consider fixing things, hey I am all for that..........TELL ME. If she wants to end this...TELL ME. Even if she just needs more space and time.....someone please tell me.

I am sorry I am just babbling now, when I should be sleeping. I put some OFF on to keep the skeeters off of me, must have a hole in the screen somewheres. Wish I could catch the cat so I could put his butt out on the porch........

Ok doing a bit better today. Worked all day on 4 hours of sleep, I am shot but somehow in a better place. Going to bed soon...to sleep perchance to dream? I hope not.

Talked to wife on phone about when to switch child on Friday, told her that I was sorry if I was inconveniencing her, she told me that it was not a problem. She did scold me as I was (stupidly) playing a CD in my car by Eminem and daughter quoted some of the lyrics to her.......oops. She told me that I need to get better at parenting about stuff like that......I had to agree...I should not be playing that crap when daughter is around....

Anyhow I am off to bed soon.

Sorry about the lack of sleep, NDDT. It really sucks, doesn't it? I don't so much mind not being able to eat, but not sleeping is irritating.

I understand you wanting your W to answer lots of questions for you or at least be clearer about things. There is no way of know exactly why she hasn't, but a big reason could be that SHE doesn't have the answers to those questions yet. And I am sure I don't have to tell you not to directly ask her any of these questions because if you press her for an answer, you may not get an answer you want.

I am glad you are in a better place today. I hope you have a peaceful night.

Hey you know what really helps having a PMA!? 7 continious hours of sleep, thats what. Waking up this morning, even though I have to leave for work in a few minutes, in a much better frame of mind than the last few days.

Like I mentioned above I did talk to "her" last night, and looking back to the conversation this morning I do see some positives in it. I mean for the most part it went pretty well, even when she scolded me for the music. I will probably have to call her again tonight concerning work schedule. Am considering tossing out to her and invitation to have dinner with me, (just me no child) one of these days. I am fairly prepared to be rebuffed on that though, but I think it is important just the same to let her know that I am still interested??? <------ not sure if that is the correct word

I got all day at work to think on it at work, and I dont think I am going to throw that out there today anyhow, but it is something I am thinking on. It would be nice to get together with her and you know try to get a feel where she is at, I have been in the dark for quite awhile now........anyhow like I said I am gonna think on it, not gonna let it get me down. Going to make a mini goal for today, to just have a good day!

And Oh I realize that I need to start writing more stuff down. Goals, little and big. Of things I need to take care of. ie call brother, cut lawn, fix gutter.......save marriage..lol

EVERYBODY. TODAY HAVE A NICE DAY!

Today at work some thoughts I had. Also must add at the start today, was a hard work day, we busted azz all day. I am completly exhasted, but in a good way......I dont think sleep will be a problem tonight. I got to do 6 hours tommorow, OT from 7 to 1 then I am on vacation for a week......yipee..have quite the busy week planned. More on that later.

But the thought hits me at work today. In my first go around with this, (1st marriage) there was not a doubt where things were going as 2 weeks after I moved out I was hit with the papers.

This time, well it has been 3 months now since she left. I have not heard any D talk, have not seen and D papers.....hmmmmmm,
maybe there is still hope? Maybe she isnt so sure that she wants to do this? Maybe time is still my allie? Maybe I need to do some more GALing, and quite dreading it? hmmmmmmm different, but good thoughts........